While this is a somewhat frustrating answer, I appreciate it nonetheless. "I can't help you" (or other related answers like "I don't know") is all too often stigmatized. I appreciate your willingness to give it, even if it's not what I'd like to hear.
Imagine what it is like for my wife!
Not really. A major part of it is that I basically cannot get in-person gaming. Nearly all of my gaming experience is electronic--which counts well over a decade before Covid-19 reared its ugly head. It is substantially harder to find a DM willing to do things the way you want to when they aren't a friend you can appeal to personally.
That is very unfortunate. I wish it was not that way. Speaking for myself, I have bent over backwards for players who I have not DMed before merely so that they can realize their character concept...even at the expense of some of the unique aspects of my world (for the record, I regretted it later...but I don't
truly regret letting people play the kind of character they want...as you can tell, I am conflicted).
Yeah. I gave OSR gaming a genuine shot. It...wasn't for me. Even with a DM pretty willing to do whatever I was interested in playing. I live with enough fear in my regular life; making it an ongoing part of my leisure time is literally the antithesis of fun.
I remember a veteran player (who has since passed on...I
loved that guy) who played a magic-user (transmuter specialist from 2nd edition actually) in one of our campaigns and the character would pathologically stay well behind all the other characters for like the first five levels (I mean he started with 3 hit points or something) and just do
everything from a distance. But, as the campaign progressed, he became mighty and we would feature him in short stories that we co-authored and have great fun with the character. That player had a lot of patience and never complained and I think, for him, getting that character to 12th and higher level was very sweet indeed.
I have not found any class in 5e that has meaningful tactical options, at least without resorting to spellcasting...which is a big problem for me. (I'm okay with spellcasters having cool tools; I like Sorcerers, for example. But I'm not okay with spellcasters being the choice if you ever want to have real tactical options you didn't extract from the DM via negotiation, since EVERYONE can extract options from the DM via negotiation.) Even for many casters, you do your One Obvious Thing, unless you can't, in which case you do your Backup Thing. It strongly reminds me of playing Dungeon World, where I was able to mentally generate a flowchart to handle essentially every combat ever. I had a wonderful DM, but I had to do other things to keep my mind occupied or I would've gone crazy during combats, and my experience with 5e has not been a whole lot better than that. Better, I will admit, but of the "I don't know which of the three flowcharts I'm on yet" variety, rather than "wow, I really need to be paying attention and planning ahead and thinking about what resources I might have two turns from now" stuff.
I appreciate you sharing this. It is understandable that you would be pushing for a new version of the game that would let you scratch the itch you have. We all want to have fun, so I understand.
So, I do not have any good ideas. I will just say this, my concern would be that a new edition would not be able to satisfy everyone; that for everyone it placated, it would contribute to divisions elsewhere. But, so that you know where I am coming from, I have never really been a fan of the approach where the game itself is continuously tinkered with. That's just my bias. When I play Monopoly, I like using the same rules no matter the decade I am playing it, whether I am playing it with my parents or playing it with my daughter. But, to be fair, if game designers maintained that attitude, we would not have reached such a fantastic version of D&D that I acknowledge 5th edition is. So, what do I know?
I also acknowledge that it would not be helpful for me to suggest you try a different game, because then you would likely run into trouble finding people to play it, given that there are so many people willing to play D&D, but relatively few who play other games.
I genuinely wish you the best in your search! Maybe your situation will result in you either designing your own game or customizing D&D in a way that not only makes you happy, but makes others happy as well. I wish for that also!