So a horror game gm should go out of their way to never scare their players, no matter what the players want, because the players wanting to be scarred is irrelevant to what the gm should do?
It's a context thing. You watch a horror movie and they have jump scares. That scares you personally. But at no time when watching a horror movie are you personally afraid for your life. The movie might
get to you and make you paranoid or worry overmuch about serial killers (or whatever) for a few hours or days. Or give you bad dreams. But that's it. Because it's not you, it's the character in the fiction that's in danger. And people are generally smart enough to avoid horror fiction specifically about the things that properly bother them, i.e. their fears, phobias, and traumas.
You get a vicarious thrill through watching someone else in a fictional situation be afraid for their (fictional) life. That's horror gaming also. The split between
character and
player is absolute. It has to be. The
player gets a vicarious thrill from watching and controlling their
character in a horror situation...at no point should the focus shift from the
character being scared to the
player being scared. The scares and monsters you put into the game should never be designed to scare the
player at the table. Again, violating the safety tools. Real people do all kinds of weird and wild and unpredictable things when they are scared.
Vicarious thrills, absolutely what horror gaming is about. Trying to frighten and traumatize your
players? GTFO.
I think there's a difference as a GM between using something kinda universally human and using something specific to one or more of your players. Like, using something like loss-of-self as opposed to something like parasitic spiders crawling all through you. People who join a horror game might be cool with the former, but it's distinctly likely that someone's going to have a phobia triggered by the latter. Using the latter,
knowing someone has the phobia is the behavior
@overgeeked is objecting to (I think--please correct me if I'm wrong).
In part, yes. But it all depends on context. The example of parasitic spiders hits more potential problems than a generic "loss of self". You hit on loss of self, arachnophobia, loss of bodily control, bodily autonomy, rape, etc. That's why safety tools exist. To avoid hurting people. Because that's not the point. Safe vicarious thrills is the point. So one player might be fine with those parasitic spiders, but another has arachnophobia and another has a solid nope on loss of bodily control. You use safety tools to find out where people's lines are so that you
don't cross them. You use things like the X card for when something no one thought of comes up and is a problem.
The GM shouldn't go overboard and poke at traumatic things.
It's about being spooked not hurt. I am fine with otherworldly horrors, or Jason Voorheez, or bloodsucking vampires, or aliens, or whatever. That's scary in a cool, controlled way. But I wouldn't be fine with "oh, let's see how Alice would react to her character being raped! That's scary, right?"
Exactly.
Do ones boundaries have to be violated for one to be scared?
It depends. There are different kinds of boundaries. The ones that matter to this topic are what safety tools call lines and veils. A line is like a line in the sand. You do not cross that line, period. Crossing that line is a violation of trust. I tell you this particular thing really bothers me, then you do that...just to bother me. It's a violation of trust that ends games and friendships. Don't do that. Other things are not as hard and fast, like veils. You don't like that thing being the focus of the story so you don't want it in your face, keep it veiled and it's okay. Generally everything not covered by lines and veils is fair game. Things will come up in play that no one thought of, that's what the X card is for.
Again, vicarious thrills on behalf of your
character is the goal. That's horror gaming. The DM scaring the
players is not.
The venn diagram of things that scare me, and things id be uncomfortable being in the game at all, and would likely want to police with safety tools, is not a circle.
I'm also contextually willing to seek out things that brush up against my traumas to explore them in safe ways, horror is traditionally an avenue for doing that.
It depends on the person and the context. Some people use gaming as therapy, some don't. Some use horror in general as therapy, some don't. Some want to brush up against their traumas as a way of dealing with them, others want to avoid their traumas at all costs but still enjoy a nice vicarious thrill from engaging in horror media, whether films, stories, RPGs, or whatever.
The Fate Horror Toolkit and Consent in Gaming are both great resources.