Autumnal
Bruce Baugh, Writer of Fortune
I very much feel a great sense of despair and have resigned myself to the fact that it’s not worth it when it comes to One D&D discussions. And it is not because of anything WoTC has said or done.
If I may presume, this is the local universe telling you to Do Something Else, Now. I have felt despair over gaming, but it was when I was developing Gamma World d20 and some people were going through my social media hoping to glean something they could use to manipulate me to suicide. That was worth some despair. (I mostly recovered, though the PTSD lingers.) A new version - I don’t really care if it’s called a new edition or not - of a game you play isn’t.TBH I feel that way more and more on this board
If it genuinely hurts that much, and I’m not mocking here at all, get it out of your life for now. Pack up the books, delete the PDFs, make it all go away. Throw them in the basement, give them to a friend to keep, whatever. Stop reading discussions about; block the forums.
Fill that space with something else. Play other games. Cultivate new genres. Watch more movies, maybe. Look up Booktube on YouTube and join some read-alongs. Practice photography with your phone and hike, if your health allows, or get more out time via wheelchair like I do, if you can. Change your habit so that there isn’t a hole in the shape of the thing giving you grief anymore.
Down the road, perhaps, there’ll be ways to deal with it that don’t rot your soul. Maybe not. This is the time to take your own misery and handle its sources as seriously as you would a plague or dangerous pest. Make it go away, and live better. You both deserve it.
(I had to do exactly this stuff in response to the literally overnight onset of a new disability and ongoing complications. I vouch for this advice leading to better mental and physical well-being.)