You sound like my brother. Nothing against that play style, but I've never real understood it. I play rpgs for the challenge, both in combat and roleplaying scenarios.
I think the OP has point about it, its entirely possible to make it optional. Incapacitation is a necessity though. After...
I agree totally with his guy. Trying to build the game design around fear of death would ruin the very reason I play tabletop rpgs... the GM. You shouldn't fool proof the game for bad players, because most fans that also play games like WoD or GURPS know that sometimes survival is its own sense...
I'm the opposite. Save or die affects are something I wish would come back. Keep in mind though, that nothing in D&D is truly save or die, because you can resurrect and stone to flesh for example. So, in D&D, I dont get the save or die gripes...
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Having played pretty much every game mentioned except for Traveller and Cthulu, D&D tends to try to reinvent in self more than other games with each new edition than most games. I believe wizards believes that its necessary in this age, but its not. I do tend to prefer the trend of Indies dogs...