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I think lots of us are at different points on the spectra of player empowerment and setting canonicity, and the way these intersect can create really interesting tensions. FWIW, Younger DM Me would've been much more on the side of WHAT PART OF "NO SWIVING GNOMES" WAS AMBIGUOUS, N00B, but as I...

Well, I was painting with some pretty broad strokes up there, to be honest. It really depends on the gathering, the atmosphere, and the people involved. I've certainly been to events where the host makes the playlist. But I've also been to parties where it wasn't weird at all for someone to say...

The trouble is that all of the examples in the parenthetical are very different things. Smoking, in 2015 (and for a while now), is something you never, ever do around people who are bothered by it, and never do without asking. Conscientious smokers (i.e., almost all of them) are super cognizant...

This, yes. Note that this doesn't mean "don't do it"; it just means "understand the extra hurdle you have to cross in order to make a connection on this." It also relates, tangentially, to something that's been itching me in the conversation - there's a great deal of emphasis for some folks in...

To be fair, I do think it flows in both directions. Ideally, the players should trust the DM. But, per Hussar above, the DM also needs to trust the players. (This does not always come naturally. It took me a long time to stop worrying and trust my players; or maybe it just took along time to...

The trouble is, it's not really a fixable problem. You can't convince someone to like something they don't. There's no magic phrase that will bring a stubborn DM around to your way of thinking. At a certain point, you need to either accept the restrictions and play, or walk away. I think the...

Interesting question. I don't; I assume they use point-buy or a standard array. <begin slightly OT diversion into NPC math> So the standard array for heroic characters like starting PCs is a 27-point spread. For "average" commoners, it's a 12-point spread - the number of points necessary to...

I am finding this in some ways to be the most fascinating assertion in the thread, and would love to hear more. I think the way individual players frame where a score of 8 falls on the human spectrum probably says a great deal about the assumptions they bring to the characters and the game. I...

And this reframing gets no argument whatsoever from me. It does feel, though, like a very different angle from the original question, which felt like trying to figure out of the DM or the player is more out of line if the player objects when the DM nixes his elven cleric for an all-human...

I think that's a sane approach. And I think it bears saying that a campaign with any sort of restriction on it can be great for the right group. Despite my nattering about expectations and protocols, that can all go out the window when it comes to a group that can get excited about the same...

Exactly so. And I think it's incumbent on the DM to not make those natural consequences feel like punishment for choosing a particular concept. We do in fact have a tiefling character in the group, and he does sometimes encounter fear and prejudice (like the temple cleric who told the party...

I really think it is. If you were to say to your player group, I want to start a campaign in a homebrew fantasy world, and we're using Fate, I don't think you'd get as much, or the same kind of, pushback - the roll-your-own nature of that project in that sytem is going to make it a lot more...

Well, sure. The GM is also a player; I need to make sure I'm sufficiently indulging my own obsessions and favorite themes when I run. But I do feel pretty strongly that these need to flow around the space created by the PCs - it's that old idea that the players' choices in character creation...

So I find myself of two minds about this. Because on the one hand, I love worldbuilding. I love drawing maps and naming countries and inventing histories and the whole Secondary Creation deal. It's a joy and a labor of love, and if I'm going to do it I'd rather it be mine and not just the...

Long-time listener, first-time caller here. I run for a large group (eight players) who are all pretty dedicated, but it can be challenging to schedule. Sometime we can find a date that works for all but one or two people, and we go ahead with it anyway. When that happens, I try to find some...