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Meanwhile, back in the Tavern, Nam-Draz’il…. was playing cards with Gucci and desperately trying to remember how to do a Light cantrip because it was quite dark in there and he had difficulty reading the backs of Gucci's cards but didn't have anything so mundane as a candle (after all, what do...

... the Scarecrow’s straw tummy was rumbling… ... a condition that was soon to be remedied in the dining hall of a quaint olde-worlde inn called The Dolphin Arms. The landlord was a genial gnome called Burgel Aleslosh who kept an excellent kitchen and the food was good, too. Tim joined them for...

"I think there might... be a party of 2d4 unarmed townsfolk approaching and they will want to speak to you. Urgently. It involves money." "Maybe they want us to start a restaurant?" wondered Toobids. "Peut-être un bijou leather shop? Ve sellz ze 'ide bootz de oualking?" suggested Gucci...

What do you say? …… Dawn glared at ClaW and angrily accused him of being a disguised cleric and declared that the fact that he looked nothing like a cleric just went to prove it. Then she accused him of being a pervert who was trying to get a feel of her legs. Then she accused him of wasting...

Well eet eez lak zis…. we are ze Goblinz de Haute Cuisine. We haz proficiency in Epicure. Tell zem, Toobids? Toobids, fortunately, spoke perfect common without a trace of an accent, having trained for many years as a chef in a famous hotel in London. "We are very classy," he began. "For...

the pair almost blindly bumbled into… a band of goblins. Well, I say band, but that suggests that they were musicians and these goblins were about as musical as a box of ferrets on a Thursday night in winter, which is to say not very musical at all. However, they were happily playing improvised...

“3…Mage Hands must wear white kid gloves when serving the soup.” Nam-Draz’il sighed inwardly and made mental notes. He would never understand ettiquette. There seemed to be rules for everything and they were all based on precepts from a romantic past that never really existed. He suspected that...

Firstly there was the unusual case of the miniaturised tarrasque that was his familiar. He still didn't know what he'd done wrong when he cast the spell to get it but in his experience all spells were like that. They often went wrong for no apparent reason. And he couldn't get rid of it. Every...

If you want my advice, don't listen to my advice.

Snappy's offer (I still think of him as Snappy) came as a surprise and my first reaction was to reject it. But as the days went by, it grew on me and I could not set it aside. He offered, not what I would have wished for, but what I truly needed. And he was right. I could walk away with honour...

She turned, slowly, to face her comrades and… was just in time to see Od's hat floating away down the river of boiling acid. Of Od, Sam, Nord and Herewulf there was no sign but the acid was slightly discoloured in places, in a vaguely unsettling way. Snappy/Sbk regarded her gravely. "You have...

"Well... " replied Snappy coyly, "I have ... contacts. In high places." Jeli rolled high on a Wisdom(Insight) check and, acting on a sudden thought, cast Search Previous Threads. She looked sharply at Snappy and suddenly a lot of things made sense. "I know who you are, Snappy." she said...

their first challenge which just happened to be… a dungeon door. It was one of those traditional doors, all solid oak a foot thick, studded with iron nails that serve no actual purpose but look serious and with hinges concealed inside the stone doorway so you can't just lift it off. It had a...

They appeared to be heading straight for none other than…. Herculaneum. It seemed a prosperous Roman town, nestling under a nearby mountain and with streets leading down to a bustling seafront. It was breakfast time when they moored in the harbour, and the aroma of freshly-baked bread filled the...

the most curious object emerged from them... which Snappy dropped on the deck with a grin. As it rolled around on the deck with the motion of the ship, it looked at first like a small barrel, reminsicent of one of the barrels of gold that they had so recently disposed of. But it wasn't...

So, what do I name you that's not...Woody?..... How about Silvester? Ever since Harry Potter, spells have been in Latin and 'Silvester' is Latin for 'woody'. My command phrase could be Lignum Stamine, said with suitable cinematics, of course. V&S components and all that jazz. By the way, you...

Herewulf sighed and… resumed his human form. Then he extended his Aura of Remembrance to include the townsfolk and they began to recall the days before the hag had come. They remembered the long summer days when the sun never set, the fish were plentiful and the ferry called once a month with...

She chose… the burliest and meatiest, none other than Herewulf himself. Terrified out of his wits, Herewulf did what any brave soldier and upright paladin would do under such circumstances, he glooped. His gelatinous nature asserted itself and he wetly slipped out of his bonds, flooped across...

The next post in this thread is from a goblin.

Goblins can't read this thread. Which is probably just as well.