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Ignore me, I'm an idiot. :D

I think you have an arithmetic error, folks. Check Jacob Marley's post about 8 hours before this one. I think, right now, you should be seeing Bigby 4 Mordenkainen 11 Tenser 7

DM Jones looked at Footnote's character sheet, saw that there were no earmuffs listed in his inventory, and announced that from now on, it would be strict inventories and no suddenly conjuring things out of thin air. "I'm School of Conjuration," pointed out Inannyunot's player. "I get the Minor...

"Stand still guys!" shouted Inannyunot, "This will only take a minute!". Then began to cast Leomund's Tiny Hut to cover himself, Tasha, Albert and Footnote. It had to include Cpl. Glint because he was standing very close to them, but it would exclude all the townsfolk. "Rubbish idea," mocked...

Inannyunot did some calculations, then pointed out to DM Jones, who was after all new to the job and possibly gullible, that "the party" had just defeated 200 orcs between them, worth 100xp each, so that's 20,000xp split four ways or 5000xp each, which is enough to put them around half-way to...

Goat, Tasha and Albert went outside to watch, as did most of the customers of the inn. Footnote the Bard was single-handedly attacking the orcs with flair, with elan, and with Thunderwave spells. "Should we help?" wondered Tasha. "The bard or the orcs?" answered Goat nastily. "Look at the way...

Tippy used a Sending to tell Duke Cholmondeley what was happening. Cholmondeley put his foot down immediately. In fact, he put both feet down because he was just getting off his horse, Harrington. "No, Sir Theodore, I need you here. And Jones is to report back for re-assignment of duties...

There was writing on the piece of paper. It said................ "What's all that about?" wondered Tippy. "The stone giant we found under the castle cellars called herself Emmy," suggested ClaW, "and she was obsessed with coffee. That would account for the stains." "Didn't you trap her...

......I suggest number........... ......... eleven, None of the above. Tippy communed with Isis briefly and, on her advice, cast a unique spell, never-before-nor-since-seen-in-print: Summon None. Except there was a small amount of aural confusion between them and what he actually cast was...

From one point of view, the purpose of most encounters is wear down the PCs' resources: healing potions, spell slots, once/rest features and so on, so that they go into the boss fight nearly spent. This only hurts if you stop them taking rests. Harry them so that they can't. Think up some...

I had this NPC in a story I once half-wrote. It sort of sums up the philosophy:

Cleric for me. I get to bash things when I'm feeling simplistic and do spells when I'm feeling complex. Plus, I have at least one god on my side and that's always useful. Plus, the other guys try not to annoy me in case they ever need healing. Plus, I can tell NPCs to do what I want by telling...

Inannyunot had been triangulating on ClaW's boomerang, using Locate Object spells. "I think they're up there," he finally announced, pointing to the top of a frozen waterfall at the head of a ravine below the fort. "Next to that drainpipe." "Any way we can signal them, to tell them we are...

Going by the views/posts ratio for this thread, we have around 30 silent readers who are secretly enjoying it. Hey, guys, your turn: what you think is/was/should be/will-be-about-to-have-been, in the four gigantic baskets that Sergeant Jones is about to requisition? Gold Pieces Copper Pieces...

Experience comes from figuring out what to do when things go wrong. When the 1st-level fighter gets dropped by a goblin, that's okay. You get to learn about death saves, stablising and what not. Then you find out what clerics are for and why they have healing spells. How else are you going to...

It was a time for desperate measures. ClaW communicated a plan telepathically to Mike. I hope this works was the thought-reply. Mike dropped his knobbly staff and grabbed Emerald by the ankle by wrapping his arms around it, locking his hands together and hanging on for dear life as she stomped...

Here are two from an unpublished novel that I wrote a few years back: 13. Redcott is a market town, a hub for local artisans and traders, walled on three sides and bounded on the other by the River Redde. The Mayor’s House is adjacent to the Market Square. The Grove Hotel is recommended. The...

Snag-Tusk was quite exhilarated as he sped down the ski slope with his fellow orcs. Ahead of them was a makeshift barrier of logs but they could easily ski around it, so what was the point of that? Behind the barrier, apparently defending it, was a group of figures wearing helmets and...

I think part of the problem stems from your decision to roll stats in-a-row. That's not one of the standard methods in 5e and although it can lead to interesting characters that are a challenge to play, I wouldn't recommend it for beginners. It doesn't give the player enough control over the...

If it's any help, http://www.springhole.net/writing_roleplaying_randomators/towngen.htm generates random short descriptions like these, although they seem to be rather formulaic and repetitive: (edit - added) Just glancing at the JavaScript of the web page, there are only a handful of...