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<blockquote data-quote="Todd Roybark" data-source="post: 8030497" data-attributes="member: 6920677"><p>I use "actually" quite a bit, alas. For me the word is an alternative to typing out the phrase "In my lived experience".</p><p>So if someone wrote, for example: "No one thinks the Bane spell is better then the Bless spell"</p><p>I likely would respond with something like this: "actually, I really like the Bane spell".</p><p></p><p>Bawylie, your posts come across to me, as very polite and considerate, so does the use of the word "actually" in the above example, connote something to you other then conveying:</p><p>"In my lived experience" ?</p><p></p><p></p><p>I thought my posts oft irk CleverNickName, and now I can see why.</p><p>I use similar variations of most of those phrases.</p><p></p><p>As a person that received an autism spectrum diagnosis in my 40's, there are specific reasons why I use these phrases.</p><p></p><p>"To be honest" is meant to connote sincerity. I have my whole life been told that my use of language is more formal then what is typically considered normal. Like many people on the autism spectrum, I've come to accept that my emotional affect, is expressed in more muted tones than others. A "robot" like affect turns people off. Not liking to make eye contact turns people off, and makes them doubt your sincerity.</p><p></p><p>My use of the phrase "To be honest" is me saying, I'm not gaslighting you. I'm not playing rhetorical games....I'm being sincere..truly sincere...even if my mannerisms would typically fall into a category of behaviors that many, including the FBI, characterize as indicators of deception.</p><p></p><p>"I'm sorry but..." is me saying..."I disagree with your factual position, but not with you as a person, nor your right to hold an opposing view"......when you are a child with a robotic emotional affect...apologizing in advance, trying to deescalate with your literal words what you can't through tone, smiling, nor eye contact...is a survival technique....spares you a beating..(hopefully).</p><p></p><p>"If I may play devils advocate" is just indicating that I see an opposing viewpoint that can be argued. Generally, for myself, it also connotes that I am not emotionally attached to the position that I am delineating. It is a point made for factual completeness.....being inaccurate, not examining all avenues of inquiry on a topic bothers me in a way that could be considered OCD like.</p><p>Sadly, I often do this, whilst missing the behavioral cues the other person is sending that we are having a conversation dealing with emotion, and not fact. I work hard at trying to not do this, but I fail at this, so very much. I liken it to a person whom cannot see the color green, trying to navigate an art piece that only consists of the color green.</p><p></p><p>I don't think I use the last example of CleverNickName's...though, (admittedly), I will often write</p><p>"Politely" and then offer a differing view. It is not to gaslight anyone, nor acting as social cover to be outright rude. It is <em>trying to signal</em>, that while I might be coming off as rude, or trying to gaslight...I truly am not trying to. Sadly, I am a very literal person, vis a vis my word choice, and could not bluff to save my life.<img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😔" title="Pensive face :pensive:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f614.png" data-shortname=":pensive:" /></p><p></p><p>Sorry for the long post. I also apologize for any distress, or irritations my mannerisms might create.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Todd Roybark, post: 8030497, member: 6920677"] I use "actually" quite a bit, alas. For me the word is an alternative to typing out the phrase "In my lived experience". So if someone wrote, for example: "No one thinks the Bane spell is better then the Bless spell" I likely would respond with something like this: "actually, I really like the Bane spell". Bawylie, your posts come across to me, as very polite and considerate, so does the use of the word "actually" in the above example, connote something to you other then conveying: "In my lived experience" ? I thought my posts oft irk CleverNickName, and now I can see why. I use similar variations of most of those phrases. As a person that received an autism spectrum diagnosis in my 40's, there are specific reasons why I use these phrases. "To be honest" is meant to connote sincerity. I have my whole life been told that my use of language is more formal then what is typically considered normal. Like many people on the autism spectrum, I've come to accept that my emotional affect, is expressed in more muted tones than others. A "robot" like affect turns people off. Not liking to make eye contact turns people off, and makes them doubt your sincerity. My use of the phrase "To be honest" is me saying, I'm not gaslighting you. I'm not playing rhetorical games....I'm being sincere..truly sincere...even if my mannerisms would typically fall into a category of behaviors that many, including the FBI, characterize as indicators of deception. "I'm sorry but..." is me saying..."I disagree with your factual position, but not with you as a person, nor your right to hold an opposing view"......when you are a child with a robotic emotional affect...apologizing in advance, trying to deescalate with your literal words what you can't through tone, smiling, nor eye contact...is a survival technique....spares you a beating..(hopefully). "If I may play devils advocate" is just indicating that I see an opposing viewpoint that can be argued. Generally, for myself, it also connotes that I am not emotionally attached to the position that I am delineating. It is a point made for factual completeness.....being inaccurate, not examining all avenues of inquiry on a topic bothers me in a way that could be considered OCD like. Sadly, I often do this, whilst missing the behavioral cues the other person is sending that we are having a conversation dealing with emotion, and not fact. I work hard at trying to not do this, but I fail at this, so very much. I liken it to a person whom cannot see the color green, trying to navigate an art piece that only consists of the color green. I don't think I use the last example of CleverNickName's...though, (admittedly), I will often write "Politely" and then offer a differing view. It is not to gaslight anyone, nor acting as social cover to be outright rude. It is [I]trying to signal[/I], that while I might be coming off as rude, or trying to gaslight...I truly am not trying to. Sadly, I am a very literal person, vis a vis my word choice, and could not bluff to save my life.😔 Sorry for the long post. I also apologize for any distress, or irritations my mannerisms might create. [/QUOTE]
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