50 reasons LOTR sucks

[Rashak Mani]

It was so so... I think in the forum here we can get much better 50 reasons... cant we ?

1. Gandalf is obviously a weak Merlin imitation.

2. All the BLOND elves are dressed up with the same colors as a Gay Pride Parade and still they blend perfectly and hide well in the forest !

....

 

[BluWolf]

Why couldn't Bilbo have been played by Vin Diesel?

This was my favorite.

 

[Psionicist]

1) This was extremely hilarious. 2) I can't believe that so many people in that forum are A) So incredibly ill mannered and B) So stupid as not to realize it's a joke... Very amusing, thanks for the link.

And who might you be?

 

[CrazyMage]

Very funny--thanks for the link.

 

[derverdammte]

Why couldn't Bilbo have been played by Vin Diesel?

This was my favorite.

I don't know...I think Bruce Campbell playing Gandalf would've rocked.

 

[333 Dave]

I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own.

When will people learn? Rings can't change sizes, fingers do! Sausage Finger Frodo, thats what they call him...

 

[Chain Lightning]

These were friggin funny. Thanks for the link.

6.) Speaking of Orcs...The Orcs were obviously stolen from PC game maker Blizzard and its Warcraft series. Too bad Blizzard is apparently too scared to sue New Line over it.

I'm surprised they didn't mention how they also stole the design of the Balrog from the Diablo games.....also by Blizzard!


Yes, the interviews are funny too. Only read the Keanu Reeves and Lucas ones so far, but they're funny as heck.

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

A comment

I thought the 50 reasons were humorous.
It was obviously meant in jest - it is difficult to imagine anyone taking any of that seriously.

However, I wish to comment that one of those 50 points is worth a discussion.

Why, indeed, did Gwindor not take the Ring to Mount Doom, and drop it in?

(The obvious answer is: No story, that's why not. But I think it's a bit more complicated than that.)

Let us assume that Gandalf finds out Frodo's Ring is the One Ring, as in the book.
Gandalf goes to Isengard for help.
Saruman betrays and imprisons Gandalf.
Gwindor rescues Gandalf.

Now, here is where we diverge from the story, following this alternate line of logic (or dislogic, whichever it is ...)

Gandalf says to Gwindor: Help me or Sauron is gonna burn your Eyries into ash and your people into well done menu items.
Gwindor agrees, and flies Gandalf to the Shire.
Gandalf and Frodo agree to destroy the Ring.

Gwindor carries Frodo up above the clouds (where, obviously, he cannot be seen.)
Gwindor flies into Mordor.
Gwindor reaches Mount Doom before Sauron - even if he notices Gwindor - can send orcs to guard the Sammath Naur.

Gwindor drops Frodo off at the Sammath Naur.
Frodo destroys the Ring.
Ring is destroyed.
Gwindor and Frodo depart.

Or ...

Sauron had the Sammath Naur guarded, and/or noticed Gwindor in time, so ...

Gwindor reaches Mount Doom, and flies over it.
Frodo takes off Ring.
Frodo drops Ring into cone of Mount Doom, which is filled with magma.
Ring is destroyed.
Gwindor and Frodo depart.

Heh.
Before you poo poo this totally ...

How could Sauron have stopped this attack, even if he had known about it beforehand? (Remember, his Nazgul were up in the Shire, not airborne at the time.)
How would Sauron have even known this attack was coming (his Eye wasn't exactly able to see everything at once!) ?
Why could Frodo not do this?
Why could Gandalf and Frodo not both mount up on Gwindor, so that Gandalf could ensure the job got done (even if he had to throw Frodo in with the Ring) ?
Why could Gwindor not summon an army of eagles, so that if any flying creatures came to stop him, he could blast his way through into Mordor (Mordor had flying critters, but not THAT many flying critters!) ?

Why would this not have been an effective and swift move to put an end to Sauron.
Too chancy? As if Frodo going through Cirith Ungol was not chancy! Or, for that matter, Frodo attempting to get into Mordor, period, on foot, not being chancy!

Heh. Gandalf, you old fool, you goofed!

I must put my 50 reasons why the film FOTR stinks on this thread.
Nothing less will do.

I gave the film a 10, but nevermind that!

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

50 reasons the film FOTR stinks!

(under construction, of course)

#1: If hobbits eat Breakfast, Second Breakfast, Elevenses, Luncheon, Tea, Dinner, and Supper, and if they sleep a reasonable 8 to 9 hours a night, then just exactly WHEN do they do anything else? (they must be Boggies, ala Bored of the Rings!)

#2: How can hobbits be so well fed and prosperous when they lack any of the machines and science necessary to be well fed and prosperous?

#3: Why is it that elves do not eat? Or, if they do, why are their crops invisible?

#4: Why must the elves and dwarves INSIST on hostilities to each other, two Ages after the Ruin of Doriath, when there is an actual real enemy out there trying to kill them?

#5: It just isn't fair that the foul orcs and goblins get immortality (coming from elves), and poor humankind gets mortality. It isn't a wonder Numenor revolted against and finally assaulted Valinor over the matter!

#6: Saruman bred humans and orcs into Uruk-Hai. He would have produced immortal human-types, given more time. That's the REAL reason Gandalf was out to stop him. We must not let mankind gain immortality!

#7: To most of the people of Middle Earth, Sauron was the rightful Lord and Master of the Earth.
Only a few, pathetic rebels disagreed. Elves skulking in woods (and soon departing Middle Earth anyways.) Some dwarves hiding in caves. Some renegade human towns. And the Numenorians, of course, but they were brainwashed by the elves in the First Age.
Just who is Gandalf to mount a rebellion against the rightful rule of Sauron, using this rabble as his base? Heck, even the head of Gandalf's own ORDER agreed that Sauron was the rightful Lord and Master of the Earth.
The vast majority of the people of Middle Earth honored and respected Sauron the Great.

#8: Why trust a Hobbit to do a Man's job? Much less a Maia's?
If Gandalf was so out to destroy Sauron, why didn't he do it himself, and not pawn the job off on a poor, hapless hobbit? (even if that hobbit was the best hobbit in the Shire.)

#9: Why didn't Gandalf just agree with Saruman - that Sauron was the Lord and Master - then sneak out when he had the chance?
Nothing like dissing your superior, then choosing to fight him when you know you have no chance of winning.
Like that was going to help Frodo.

#10: Why didn't the Ringwraiths kill Sam, Merry, and Pippin when they had the chance (when their Lord was cornering Frodo) ?
After all, anyone caught working with the Thief of the One Ring, rightfully Sauron's, deserved to be put to the sword.

To be continued! (maybe)

 

[Storm Raven]

Re: A comment

Gwindor carries Frodo up above the clouds (where, obviously, he cannot be seen.)

One logic flaw: are you sure about the "cannot be seen" part? Sauron was searching for the ring with something that appeared to be akin to mystic sight. Without the distraction of controlling his invasion of Gondor and then the battle before Morannon, his attention would have been entirely focused on looking for the Ring.

Gwindor flies into Mordor.

Another difficulty is that you are placing the Ring directly in the care of a powerful being (Gwindor) with nothing more than a hobbit dependent upon his good graces between himself and the most tempting artifact in the universe. The temptation appears to become stronger for those who are morer powerful, and Gwindor was most certainly one of the most powerful personages in Middle-Earth. Do you want to risk him seizing the Ring and becoming ensnared in Sauron's grasp?

Gwindor reaches Mount Doom before Sauron - even if he notices Gwindor - can send orcs to guard the Sammath Naur.

Assuming Sauron does not send the Nazul mounted on their winged beasts to intercept Gwindor after noticing the power of the Ring flying through the skies above Mordor.

How could Sauron have stopped this attack, even if he had known about it beforehand? (Remember, his Nazgul were up in the Shire, not airborne at the time.)

It is impossible to determine how fast the Nazgul can travel if they abaondon their physical forms and move as incorporeal spirits. It is also an open question whether Sauron had other flying servants, the Crebain come to mind. One would be no match for Gwindor, a thousand might be.

How would Sauron have even known this attack was coming (his Eye wasn't exactly able to see everything at once!)?

At that point in time, what else was his eye doing?

Why could Gwindor not summon an army of eagles, so that if any flying creatures came to stop him, he could blast his way through into Mordor (Mordor had flying critters, but not THAT many flying critters!)?

Maybe, he could, maybe he couldn't. There is no clear indication of how many flying creatures Sauron had at his disposal either. One thing is for certain: bringing together that many eagles probably would have taken time and drawn attantion: Sauron would have had time to make preparations.

We also don't know what kind of direct magical power Sauron might have had in his own domain before the ring was destroyed. In LotR, the eagles only fly into Mordor after Sauron has been destroyed, perhaps he could have blasted them from the sky with fire had they entered his realm before that time.