50 Reasons to Hate LotR

[Pants]

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/50reasons.html

 

[Bass Puppet]

49. The Score.
The background music wasn't nearly funky enough for me.

Now, I wonder how different the movie would be if Isaac Hayes did the soundtrack.

 

[Gnarlo]

49. The Score.
The background music wasn't nearly funky enough for me.

Now, I wonder how different the movie would be if Isaac Hayes did the soundtrack.

"Oooooo baby, baby, why don't you let my Dark Tower meet yo Crack of Doom?
Whoaaahh whoaaahhhh"

 

[Dark Jezter]

Legolas shoots arrow after arrow at his enemies, and yet the number of arrows in his quiver never decreases. I guess elves have glands on their back that secrete arrows.

ROTFLMAO!

Oh man, I'm glad that I wasn't drinking anything when I read that one.

 

[Pants]

My favorites...

14. The Battle Droid Syndrome.

The mutated muscular soldiers of Mordor turned out to be hilariously ineffective fighters, a dozen of them held off by a single dying human. Apparently they made the beasts by crossing Orcs, Goblins and the French.

16. The Asbestos Wizard.

We all saw Gandalf fall into the molten core of Middle Earth after his battle with the firebeast thing in part 1. Well, I guess the Gandalf action figure must have sold well, because in the slap-together sequel Two Towers, Gandalf is back. Perhaps it was voodoo, a la the corpse in Weekend at Bernie's II (look closely and you'll notice LOTR steals several elements from the WAB films).

25. Propaganda.

The Elves, clearly the most advanced and wise species, are also clearly gay.


26. Speaking of Elves...

Elves are beautiful and wise and tall? Great warriors? Makers of fine lightweight weapons? Our modern knowledge of elves has observed only an ability to make cookies and toys. All the elves in the film are portrayed as living in a warm paradise (Rivendell) but our own information tells us the aforementioned group of toymaking elves work and thrive in the arctic. Hey, Mr. Jackson: Research is half of writing.

39. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

The most advanced civilization is that of the elves, which are long-haired, new-age types? Sorry, Mr. Jackson, but modern science has proven that in any modern civilization, hippies would be extinct.

A hippy joke and a French joke all in one page. Ah, it truly is Christmas.

 

[Buttercup]

1. Casting.
   
   Why couldn't Frodo have been played by Christopher Walken?[*]Casting, II.
   
   Why couldn't Gandalf have been played by Bruce Campbell?[*]Casting, III.
   
   Why couldn't Bilbo have been played by Vin Diesel?

 

[The Mirrorball Man]

My favorites...
A hippy joke and a French joke all in one page. Ah, it truly is Christmas.

And what's even funnier is that the author is openly mocking the kind of guys who do that kind of joke!

 

[kengar]

Experts on the occult say in order for a wizard to floorspin a fully-grown man like Gandalf, he'd need three magical staffs, not two.

LOL

 

[Dispater]

Man he sux! LOTR is da bessst!!

 

[Pants]

And what's even funnier is that the author is openly mocking the kind of guys who do that kind of joke!

True, but I just loves the hippy and French jokes.