500 Pounds of Beef – 5 Meaty Board Games for Long Weekends

Five Games to help while away those long weekends.

Five Games to help while away those long weekends.

It doesn't happen very often, but occasionally you are allowed an extra day of respite from your place of gainful employment. Like a phoenix you rise from the ashes of your normal five-appearances-with-occasional-filing work week and look with keen sight upon 72 hours of freedom instead of the normal 48. Glorious fields of possibility stretch before you and, in the back of your world weary mind, you say to yourself, “This, this is what I have longed for these many months of drudgery. Marathon gaming.”

You could call up the gang and dust off the 'special' character sheets that you've all saved for just such an occasion. You could drag out the rule books for the latest iteration of the classic Oubliettes & Oxymorons game for yet another run through the “Temple of Elephantal Weevils.” Gathered together you would settle in, cheese puffs and sodas nearby, questionable frozen burritos on stand-by and the largest pizza you can get from Pierre's Authentic Italian Pies already scheduled for delivery. With a single roll of the dice the festivities would begin and for the next three days none of you would surface from the table so engrossed would you become.

Except it doesn't work that way because you realize that, not only do you all have girlfriends / wives / children / temperamental pets with other plans for your time, you're all pushing 40 as if it was a beached whale and the last time you were able to keep your eyes open for more than 12 hours straight was during the Y2K 'crisis'.

Fine, so much for that plan, you say. And, tired of being the author's puppet, what is my alternative, you ask.

Your alternative is to take one of those days – or use whichever one your S.O. allows you – acknowledge the realities of the world, and look in the darkest, dustiest corner of your game collection. There you will find the kind of game that you don't drag out at 9pm on a Friday night, the sort of game that defies the description “Fast and Light,” or “Beer and Pretzels,” or even “Quick to learn,” the kind of game that is a significant investment of time just to get on the table and set up in the first place.

That's right, the big box game. Games so full of theme and rules and bits that you need to reference the Safe Lifting Manual before you even think about picking them up. Inside the box you'll find half-a-forest worth of cards, two small foreign factory's output of plastic monsters, and rule books so thick that the metro phone book pales by comparison.

Their play times aren't measured in mere mortal minutes. The box lists hours, a minimum of two. We both know it is much more likely to be three, four, or even six hours, though. It is the all day game in which you will master the rules, lose yourself in the theme, pit yourself against not only the game, but each other, and emerge either the ultimate victor, or the oh so obvious loser.

Call your friends. Drag out that box. Dust it off. Set it up and get ready to play. In the meantime, here are five wonderfully meaty games just waiting to hear the rattle of the dice across the board.

War of the Ring
Middle-Earth is in trouble. The Ring of Power is being taken to Mordor even as Sauron's armies advance across the land. The Free People should be rising up against them, but they aren't. Instead, long years of complacency and corruption have taken hold and most refuse to believe the threat is real, let alone that it could reach so far as their homes and cities.

Your job is to mobilize the forces of Middle-Earth, either as the Free People of elves, dwarves, men, and hobbits, or as the evil forces of Sauron and Sauruman bent on enslaving the free people and recapturing the ring. The Free People will take some convincing and only certain characters, such as Gandalf, can talk them into joining the fight unless they are attacked by the forces of Evil.

You'll command armies and either attack or defend key locations across the map. And a gorgeous map board it is, which is good thing because it is a massive chunk of cardboard with almost, but not quite, enough room for all the many, many playing pieces to fit.

As you fight the battles, the ring bearer and his companions move in secret towards Mt. Doom. The Free Peoples player handles their movement while the forces of the enemy seek him out, but know only where they started and not which route they travel by. Eventually the Fellowship will dwindle and be discovered, but by then they could be on the very steps of Doom and leave Sauron with not enough time to react to them.

A huge number of cards represent events, effects, and various powers and abilities that can influence the game. Rules cover nearly every conceivable action and circumstance that could arise and it will take you the better part of a day by itself to go through them and attempt to understand just how the whole thing works. You'll track information both personally and on the board itself, especially on the political track which tells you if a given faction has finally decided to join the fight thanks to either your political maneuverings or because of outright attack.

Set aside a minimum of 4 hours for the full game. 5-6 if you are having to teach it as you go.

Twilight Imperium
You don't make a list like this without including Twilight Imperium. The game of galactic conflict, trade, and supremacy among the stars, Twilight Imperium is in many ways the Grandfather of the meaty, big box game.

You'll take on the role of one of several alien races, each with their own unique set of powers and goals. From this humble beginning you'll attempt to spread your influence, power, and empire throughout the galaxy laid out before you. You'll enter into direct conflict with your neighbors as you each pursue your particular path to victory.

Early editions of the game are quite good, but it is generally acknowledged that the best game is to be had in the 3rd Edition which was reworked a number of years ago to make game play smoother, more challenging, and less likely to leave someone sitting in the dust early on with no hope of recovery.

You're looking at 350 odd plastic minis representing ground and space units and some 400 cards to represent all the interactions and opportunities the game offers. The map is comprised of an assortment of location tiles that are randomly placed on the table guaranteeing no two games are alike.

If everyone is up to speed on the rules, expect game time to take around 6 hours easy. Longer if frequent rules reference is needed. There are a number of expansions to the base game which introduce new factions and scenarios to play out.

Middle-Earth Quest
Admittedly, I like my Tolkien themed games. Once again, the Free People of Middle-Earth must face the forces of Sauron. This time, however, they are doing so in the period of time between the events of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Players take on the roles of heroes you've never heard of while one plays the Sauron side. Quests and missions come from a deck of cards and must be addressed by the Free People before they come to fruition.

Essentially working around the fringes of the main stories of Middle-Earth and dealing with the growing threat of darkness, the game is more about the individual efforts of these new heroes to stem the tide rather than War of the Ring's grand scope. Play will see the characters traveling to a variety of locations within Middle-Earth and attempting to gain support or accomplish a specific goal.

Meanwhile, the Sauron player attempts to complicate each encounter or event with his many minions. Eventually the players will find themselves facing Sauron's Lieutenants in the field of battle and woe to the player unprepared for these challenges. The Ring Wraiths, Gothmog, The Black Serpent, the Mouth of Sauron, and eventually the Witch King himself all await their proper moments to challenge the players.

Plastic count is surprisingly low in this game. In all there are ten figures, 5 for the good guys and 5 for the bad. Fortunately there are a ton of tokens to make up for this. You'll place tokens in locations to indicate occupation, defenses, forces on the move, events, and more. Cards are here in full force as you might expect – well over 400 of them in fact.

Play time runs about 2 hours, possibly three with rules explanation, though once you get the hang of the turn order, the actual turns are fairly quick given the amount of things that happen each turn.

Origins: How We Became Human
Five rival tribes of proto-humans defy evolution and the odds of survival to become the dominant lineage of mankind as we know it. You'll make evolutionary leaps to improve the mind of your chosen species and, combined with your species particular specialties, climb the long spiral ladder of success. Once at the top rung you'll step off into the more esoteric business of building civilizations and discovering the world around you and how it works.

Origins seeks to model the evolution of humans from the very earliest near-human fossil evidence to the modern era. You'll replace base instincts with reasoned thought until language develops, you'll react to changes in climate brought on by disasters and, hopefully, successfully adapt to the new reality of your world.

Eventually you'll control fire and develop the wheel and further simple tools and then the technological race is on. You'll fight your neighbors for resources and land while slowly advancing. Units will age from untrained, unskilled workers to wise old elders, rival groups will attempt to steal your tech and knowledge, but your best efforts to protect them still won't be good enough because knowledge spreads, even if you don't want it to.

Origins: How We Became Human is an engrossing Civilization style game that adds the twist of shaping the minds of the faction you are playing to better adapt to it's environment and stimuli. Drastic changes occur and major advancements happen that require you to be flexible in your play while at the same time keeping your eye on the goal. The game is an exercise in modeling both evolutionary and technological advances and how one overtakes the other as the human mind becomes more advanced.

The base game takes you through the first three eras of human development with several expansions, both official and not, adding on to the games already impressive collection of counters, blocks, and cards.

Set aside at least 3 hours for the game, although it can be played to quicker resolution simply by agreeing to end at an earlier era.


The Order of the Stick Adventure Game: The Dungeon of Dorukan
If you've read The Order of the Stick web comic, and I am reasonably certain you have if you've spent any time gaming, then you know full well what to expect here.

Six hapless adventurers attempt, by either hindering or helping each other, to make it to the bottom of the dungeon and face the vaguely evil yet certainly bad tempered sorcerer, Xykon. Along the way they will traverse a dungeon built entirely of cards designed to look like comic panels of various sizes and face a variety of appropriately themed bad guys and monsters.

Much fun will be had by reading flavor text on the cards as they are played to create spells and other effects, deciding where to place the next room, and a certain amount of party in-fighting as treasure is claimed or, more frequently, blame is assigned.

You'll travel down the many floors of a dungeon you create as you play and face Xykon. Defeat him and you are rewarded not with victory, but with the imminent collapse of the dungeon and the need to race back out through the path you have created to safety in the outside world.

The original version of the game was so long, clocking in at around 3 to 4 hours that the first expansion to come out for it was titled “The Shortening” and is now included in the deluxe version of the game. Strangely, play time is still reported at nearly 2 ½ hours, but that is the nature of the game. Fortunately much of the game is punctuated by laughter to help mark the time.

So there you have it, epic adventure on a time budget that still let's you attend to the duties of real life and avoid aggro from your significant other. You can find all these games on BoardGameGeek along with information about their expansions. Bring the gang around and plunk these on the table and you can still get the lawn mowed, the car serviced, and visit relatives with the rest of your extra free time. Who doesn't want to be able to do all that I ask you?

Over the years, you have undoubtedly accumulated a number of board games that you set aside entire days to play. Share those with us below and tell us what attracts you to them. We'd love to hear from you.
 

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Nytmare

David Jose
My current top three big box picks would be Eclipse, Android, and Mansions of Madness.

Titan is up there (along with the Eric Lauer Titan Powers), but our games tend to be fast enough that it doesn't require a dedicated afternoon to play.
 

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