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<blockquote data-quote="Cleon" data-source="post: 8909926" data-attributes="member: 57383">It seems easier if we discuss a section at a time. The red something can just be &quot;creatures&quot; or &quot;monsters&quot;.The first two sentences are a bit clumsy. They run on too long and might benefit from being split into shorter sentences.Also, the wording looks rather derivative of the White Dwarf description, especially the &quot;allowing them to inflict horrendous bites.&quot;Let's see, my first stab at it was:That's got pretty much the same info as yours apart from the &quot;horrendous bite&quot; bit, which I feel is superfluous. I'd just rephrase that to make it plural, so…Amiraspian cyclopes stand around 9 feet tall and resemble men in general shape, with powerful arms and clawed hands. Their faces have a single massive eye, eerily human apart from its size and clear sea green in color, as well as horrible mouths, broad and crammed with fangs. The cyclopes' weathered skin is tan in colour, with scattered clumps of straggly green-black hair.
 Foes of Humankind. [man-eating] [raid villages.] ???
 Cave Tyrants. These monsters can live off most types of terrain, including subterranean, but prefer to lair in caves. Amiraspian cyclopes often dominate bands of humanoid monsters (orcs, gnolls, goblins, et cetera) as their minions. The group is ruled by the strongest and fiercest cyclops, who controls by right of power (see Amiraspian Cyclops Chief for an example). The cave dwelling may also include young cyclopes and captured prisoners. Often human, these living prisoners are held to be eaten. Unlucky captives suffer ghastly fates before they are devoured.
 Cursed Births. [the &quot;problematic&quot; bit] ???</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Cleon, post: 8909926, member: 57383"] It seems easier if we discuss a section at a time. The red something can just be "creatures" or "monsters". The first two sentences are a bit clumsy. They run on too long and might benefit from being split into shorter sentences. Also, the wording looks rather derivative of the White Dwarf description, especially the "allowing them to inflict horrendous bites." Let's see, my first stab at it was: That's got pretty much the same info as yours apart from the "horrendous bite" bit, which I feel is superfluous. I'd just rephrase that to make it plural, so… [INDENT]Amiraspian cyclopes stand around 9 feet tall and resemble men in general shape, with powerful arms and clawed hands. Their faces have a single massive eye, eerily human apart from its size and clear sea green in color, as well as horrible mouths, broad and crammed with fangs. The cyclopes' weathered skin is tan in colour, with scattered clumps of straggly green-black hair. [i][b]Foes of Humankind.[/b][/i] [man-eating] [raid villages.] ??? [i][b]Cave Tyrants.[/b][/i] These monsters can live off most types of terrain, including subterranean, but prefer to lair in caves. Amiraspian cyclopes often dominate bands of humanoid monsters (orcs, gnolls, goblins, et cetera) as their minions. The group is ruled by the strongest and fiercest cyclops, who controls by right of power (see Amiraspian Cyclops Chief for an example). The cave dwelling may also include young cyclopes and captured prisoners. Often human, these living prisoners are held to be eaten. Unlucky captives suffer ghastly fates before they are devoured. [i][b]Cursed Births.[/b][/i] [the "problematic" bit] ???[/INDENT] [/QUOTE]

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