A game I'm writing, what do you think of my introduction?

[SteveC]

Like many people, I'm working on a game in my spare time. Mine is called "Sword of Virtues", and It's finally starting to come together, and I'm writing a lot of the material to fill in the rules. One thing I don't like about many projects like this is that the author never comes out and tells you what the game is actually about, so I've written this. Your comments are appreciated! (Yes, it's a bit long, so if you get through it, I'll give you a virtual cookie ).

Edit: I made a thread over at rpg.net in their game design forum and got some great feedback. Huge changes. Again, if you have a sec, tell me what you think.

What are the game’s key features?
• Tone: The game is intended to be a fast-paced, drama and magic heavy dark fantasy, with an emphasis on action and story.
• Mechanics: Dice, of the normal six-sided variety, resolve issues that are uncertain, have consequences, and we care about. Task Checks have you roll three dice against a Target, to tell whether or not you succeed, and the quality of the results.
• Style: Traditional role playing style with a Game Master who creates the campaign that everyone else explores.
• Characters: Create characters quickly by selecting a template, or in design them with a point-buy system.
• Power: Characters at very different power levels can play in a game together without the more experienced one’s dominating play.
• Fiction: The players to work with the GM to create and shape game sessions.

o The Truth of the World: players help to create the game’s people, places and things.
o Hero Points: a resource that let’s players affect the fiction.
o Shticks: players select the abilities they are the very best at, and the world reacts accordingly.
o Virtues: Traits give real power behind characters’ beliefs.​

What Kind of Stories Will we Tell?
What exactly are you getting yourself into with this game? In short, you’re going to tell stories centered about your characters and their struggles. Both the characters and their challenges are big and loud. Sword of Virtues has a veritable mountain of inspiration from both classic and popular culture. Take a look at the Inspiration Sources chapter to find out about the books, movies, music, anime, video games, tv shows and even a few comic books that inspired the authors.


The Biggest Influences

• Pacing and action: Hong Kong fantasy action cinema (A Chinese Ghost Story, The Killer).
• Character drama and interaction: character oriented TV shows like Babylon 5 or Firefly.
• Scope of action: Lord of the Rings and other epic tales.
• Story elements: classical poetry and literature. Yeats, Coleridge, Tennyson.
• General Strangeness: classic JRPGS such as Final Fantasy.

So if you were wondering whether or not Malcolm Reynolds could dispose of the ring while riding a giant chicken through a mirror darkly, yes, we can do that.


The Tone at the Heart of the World
The world of Sword of Virtues is in trouble. The foundations of civil society are coming apart, and darkness is rising.


Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
--W.B. Yeats The Second Coming


In a world like that that, heroes are needed, and that where you come in. What are you going to do about it? With apologies to Yeats, you’re going to punch that Rough Beast in the mouth, that’s what!


Sword of Virtues Keywords
The game centers on action. It better, as it actually has the word sword in its name! Even social interactions are active and dramatic. Problems are solved by taking action: punching things in the face first and foremost. Evil is on the march and nothing good comes from standing still. The Hong Kong film, A Chinese Ghost Story, is an example of a story where the characters take incredible actions to solve their problems without a second thought, including an attack on hell itself to rescue a lost soul.


The game is character based. No matter what power level the characters are at, the game is about them and their actions, they are not supporting cast for some other story. Firefly is a great example of a character based drama: how Mal’s crew interact with each other is just as interesting as the adventures they find themselves in, and the conflicts they have internally drive the story just as much as threats from the outside.


Play sessions are intended to be intense. A good game session has a lot of laughs, mixed in with tension, horror and even a little pathos, all with a helping of cheese on top. The “virtues” (also in the name of the game!) let you speak to the world about what’s important to you and have it actually listen. The films by Stephen Chow: such as Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer are good examples of films which blend these elements (action, drama, cheese) particularly well.


The game is inherently magical. Characters commonly come in contact with magical forces and powers, and can control these effects themselves. Magic flows through the heart of the world itself, and is not something rare or seldom seen. Harry Potter is a great example where where magic is a constant part of the characters’ everyday lives.


The scale of play is epic. Even if the characters begin the campaign as sewer rat-catchers, the scope of the world is adventure on a grand scale. A rat-catcher game will end up going to the edge of the world and beyond to find some exceptionally sized rats. The Lord of the Rings is the quintessential example of an epic tale, and has a central theme that the actions of even the smallest person can affect the fate of the world. A dilatant and his gardener save the world.


That’s a Lot
Looking at all of these ideas together might make you think that playing a game of Sword of Virtues is like juggling a torch, chainsaw, some raw eggs and a rare vase together. Yes, it can be like that.


Can is the operative word. We present you a lot of ideas, but in the end it’s for you to take what you like and leave the rest, kind of like a salad bar. You can make a healthy, well balanced meal out of it, or just have ice cream. We’ll give you the ingredients, how you put it together is all up to you.

 

[SteveC]

So that'll show me: a bunch of the post ended up being black-on black for the background. Fixed that.

Let me be a little more precise on what kind of comments I'm looking for:

First: writing style. Like or hate it? Too familiar? Stilted? Yes, too verbose?

Second: do you get the idea of what kind of game this is? I'm trying to give you an idea of what to expect, did that work?

Third: does anything stand out as being particularly interesting or is it just "same old-same old."

Fourth: are my references too obscure?

And if you live in Madison Wisconsin, I can give you a real cookie for the help.

Heck if you find any of my friends at Gen Con, they'll give you a real cookie.

 

[steenan]

I like the language, but I may not be the best person to judge it. English is not my first language and many subtleties are invisible to me.

I really like the style of your introduction, the way it is built. It focuses on the tone and style of play, so I can see what the game is about and why I would play it. I feel like I know what to expect. You also managed to do it by describing your game, not by comparing it to other existing games. That is a big plus.

Some things really interested me, but also made me wary. I started to wonder if you really managed to do them, on the rules level, or if it is just a weight you leave on future GMs' shoulders without true support. These are:
- Fast paced vs. character drama. How do you give characters a chance for deep, meaningful interaction when everything is happening fast?
- Epic scope vs. disparities in power level. How do you allow weak characters to meaningfully affect high-power, high-stakes conflicts?
If you really solved these problems, your game would be great for me!

Of your references, classical poetry was quite obscure for me, as I mostly read contemporary English literature. The rest seems quite well known.

 

[GMMichael]

First: writing style. Like or hate it? Too familiar? Stilted? Yes, too verbose?

Second: do you get the idea of what kind of game this is? I'm trying to give you an idea of what to expect, did that work?

Third: does anything stand out as being particularly interesting or is it just "same old-same old."

Fourth: are my references too obscure?

And if you live in Madison Wisconsin, I can give you a real cookie for the help.

1) Fine. But really, with the game style ambition, the writing style (judging from the OP, I'm guessing) should be more ostentatious, like Hong Kong Fantasy Action.

2) You've given us what you expect the source material to be like. The game itself is created by GMs, so you'll need to give them lots of help on maintaining the mystique.

3) Characters at different power levels compete together? Sounds like a 5th edition ambition. Which isn't a bad thing. But I do like this part, "Problems are solved by taking action: punching things in the face first and foremost." That's a good stab the hack-n-slash direction, which is under-appreciated these days.

4) Too obscure for whom? The D&D target market? Probably.

 

[Zhaleskra]

1.) Too verbose, I'm mentally making the "talking too much" hand gesture: you want your players excited, not stop reading out boredom. I was originally going to quote the entire post and cut out the excess.
2.) Seems aimed at Cinematic, which I've never seen actually work in a session. In my experience, so called Cinematic combat takes at least twice as long to resolve as more common combat systems.
3.) Everything's been "done before" it's how it's done this time that matters.
4.) Not obscure, but some people might be put off by some connections. Influence is always there, but I actually wonder why some of these works have such huge followings.

 

[SteveC]

I like the language, but I may not be the best person to judge it. English is not my first language and many subtleties are invisible to me.

I really like the style of your introduction, the way it is built. It focuses on the tone and style of play, so I can see what the game is about and why I would play it. I feel like I know what to expect. You also managed to do it by describing your game, not by comparing it to other existing games. That is a big plus.

Some things really interested me, but also made me wary. I started to wonder if you really managed to do them, on the rules level, or if it is just a weight you leave on future GMs' shoulders without true support. These are:
- Fast paced vs. character drama. How do you give characters a chance for deep, meaningful interaction when everything is happening fast?
- Epic scope vs. disparities in power level. How do you allow weak characters to meaningfully affect high-power, high-stakes conflicts?
If you really solved these problems, your game would be great for me!

Of your references, classical poetry was quite obscure for me, as I mostly read contemporary English literature. The rest seems quite well known.

Let's see if I can answer your questions:

Fast paced vs. character drama. Most importantly, I talk a lot about when to roll the dice, and when not to. My attitude here is actually pretty controversial, but you could really apply it to any game system.

You roll dice for the things where the outcome is in doubt (meaning you could possibly succeed or fail), there are consequences for failing and the action is something we care about.

I make a special call-out to actions you think can fail but really can't: if there aren't any consequences for failing and the action is possible, you can just assume the group will keep trying until they succeed, so there really isn't a chance to ultimately fail. All you're doing is rolling some dice until you get a success. Better to just talk about what happens.

When you are making a check, you describe two things: your goal and your method. This cuts down on multiple rolls that basically amount to the same thing: if you're crossing a pit of lava on a narrow ledge, if you make the check, you get to your goal (presumably moving to the other side). You don't move X feet and have to roll again.

So we roll as few dice as possible, and when those dice are resolved, the situation generally is done, and we're ready to move on.

That means we can have a lot of options with our die roll, and give the players a lot of chance to affect how things play out with it, but we roll, we determine what happened, and we go on to what's next. What this does in practice is put a lot more thought and effort into each situation where you need to roll the dice. You know it's going to result in something important.

Different power levels: this is something that really works out quite well. First, you can create characters at four power levels: novice, heroic, legendary and epic. The GM designs the campaign with some restrictions in mind (typically, no epic characters to start with, because they're very good, but also very static) and then here's what happens in play:

Better characters are generally better at their chosen skill set. A heroic warrior will outperform a novice over the long haul. At the same time, the novice has a much higher chance to have an exceptionally good or bad result (meaning open-end their die roll) and also has many more hero points, which are the sort of fate currency the game uses.

Because each die roll is so important, sometimes all the novice has to do is be better once.

For an example (that's a bit dated, but hopefully you'll still remember it). In the Phantom Menace, and the Duel of Fates scene, Darth Maul is much more experienced than Obi Wan. He manages to kill Qui Gon, who's actually a Jedi Master. In order to win the fight, Obi Wan has to essentially tap into fate once. He does so and the fight is over. The idea is that as you become more powerful you rely more on your own talents and less on what fate has in store for you.

As a campaign goes on, the differences really start to show up: if you're playing a less experienced character you grow and develop much faster than those who are more experienced that you. Normally as you play you slowly improve your skills and abilities over time based on what you do in the game. Novice characters have a special power called "potential" that lets them spend as many points as they want, all at once, in a special once-in-a-lifetime moment, so as they develop they can have this massive "aha" moment where they shine.

Hopefully that gives you a little better idea of where I'm coming from.

 

[SteveC]

One other thing: I was asked for an "elevator pitch" for the game. Perhaps this will help out better here as well:

Sword of Virtues is a game where epic western fantasy is viewed through the lens of Hong Kong action.


While characters have the ability to do fantastic, unbelievable things that are loud and involve explosions and outrageous magical powers, they and their personal struggles are what are ultimately important.


If the works of John Woo, Tolkien, and the Final Fantasy series were all thrown into a blender, it’s what you’d get.