Campbell
Relaxed Intensity
Right. And perhaps it is because for a long time I've played tabletop RPGs in an environment where most of the participants are also LARPers, that the idea that the game is 'about' the stuff it has most rules for seems utterly bonkers to me. Like sure, if the game has rules for something, then that something can probably reasonably be expected to be featured in some extent, because, otherwise, why bother having those rules? But I just strongly feel that there is a lot of stuff that only doesn't need a lot of rules to handle, but is actively negatively affected by mechanising it. Your mileage will most definitely vary.
I also play with a fair number of LARPers, really enjoy Nordic LARPs, Buffer LARPs, and even a fair number of Parlor LARPs. My Scion group are all really invested in the LARP scene. I have also seen this group adjust player behavior to system incentives in different games. Our six month mecha game actually went through 3 systems before it found its footing in a custom design.
I think one massive difference between us is the degree to which you look at roleplaying games as like games. To me the fun of games is that we subordinate our personal interests and take on the interests of the game. This gives us a sense of shared purpose and we get to experience things we would not get to otherwise. For me this is particularly true of roleplaying games in particular where we take on the roles of characters with vastly different psychological experiences. Teen Monsters, Supernaturally Empowered Demigods Driven By Powerful Emotions, samurai trained from birth to hold their emotions in despite deep longing, scoundrels living on the edge of society.
I love the theater, but I also have a deep love of games in general. Board Games. Social Deception Games. Card Games. Video Games. I love learning new games, experiencing new things, and getting the chance to get better at them. I also tend to be extremely sensitive to the behavior incentivized by a particular game. Trying to focus on my character's concerns when there is adventure in front of us in D&D cuts against my gamesmanship. Everyone has different levels of sensitivity here of course.
My suspicion is that your group has a very strong social reward structure that overcomes most of the incentivized behaviors of the game. I have played in a number of groups with a similar dynamic. My last Vampire group was like that. In my experience is still nothing like having everything align with a group that really buys into the purpose of the game.