Seems to me that this disconnect is just a question of expectations, and nothing whatsoever to do with 4e or any other edition.
But it does have to do with every edition. Those expectations have changed in part because of a lack of focus.
How many other games have shifted focus so much that the only thing linking them still may be their name?
Specifically 4th edition, for ill or good, caused a change in focus that shifted expectations greatly. D&D is half an identity crisis. It may come out ok in the end, but no matter what happens in solving that crisis it loses something that it really wouldn't have lost from editions shifting prior to 4th edition.
Each edition has had the disconnect with a previous, but even fans of specific older editions would consider them to be D&D, while 4th edition completely makes some just flat out feel and state "This isn't D&D".
For some, that it is not D&D similar to anything before, is a good thing, while to others it is not.
It also goes to show that in "her" case, as a proof, first interaction with something colors all future reactions to it.
If D&D keeps changing to find a new format or set of expectations, then no one will know what to expect. D&D can only suffer from such as people will come to expect that D&D is not a stable system and those staying with older editions when a new one comes out will become larger numbers, and the new players may not be able to compensate for their loss. Likewise without a system change, people may gravitate to where a system/game is stable so they now what to expect from it.
So while in the past you sort of knew what you were going to get as each edition prior to 4th had a lot of associated focus, 4th edition has completely shifted the focus and expectations of them, such that "she" was quite confused by the game not meeting the same or even having the same expectations from play.
So what is the current expectation from a game of D&D from a player only ever having used 4th edition?