A waste of statistics and an illustrators time.

[Richards]

Originally posted by David Howery:

I'm not sure just which is the most useless monster of all time, but I'm sure it will be found in the 1E FF... home of the notorious flumph, almiraj, booka, carbuncle, enveloper, gorbel, gorilla bear, killmoulis, osquip, protein polymorph, snyad, thork, and umpleby. Any of these could qualify.... the illustrations alone make even the neat monsters look pretty useless...

Osquips, useless? I respectfully disagree. They have a pedigree dating back to Edgar Rice Burroughs' "John Carter of Mars" series of fantasy novels (originally published in 1913, I believe), where they were called "ulsios." Plus, a multilegged, hairless rodent that can chew its way through solid stone? What's not to love?

I'm also rather fond of the flumph and gorbel from your list.

Johnathan

 

[David Howery]

I guess the thork isn't totally useless either, as it has a neat name. If you can come up with a reason for your PC to run around yelling "Thork Thork Thork!", the rest of the group will look at you with awe and admiration (well, they'll look at you anyway). And, of course, there are the endless jokes you can make about Thor and a stork's love child being named Thork. Or you can name someone Thork the Dork, or just call the monster dorky thorks. Truly, the name is the best part of the monster.....

 

[rounser]

almiraj

Eh? The unicorn bunnies are useful wilderness encounters IMO, especially for low level characters, or as a surprise for anyone who tries to go hunting wabbits for dinner.

She's only a plot-device.

Perhaps you're thinking too low-level...there's a herd of them on a wandering monster table in Throne of Bloodstone.

Truly, the name is the best part of the monster.....

Besides...who would be left to "quark!" and "thork!" all day at the catoblepases and behemoths wallowing around in the swamps and marshes if you didn't have thorks?

 

[Saeviomagy]

Perhaps you're thinking too low-level...there's a herd of them on a wandering monster table in Throne of Bloodstone.

At a guess, the PC's are 17th+ by that point, right?

And at that point, wish to kill them or no, they're a cakewalk.

 

[Turjan]

The gazebo! Doesn't even run away if you stud it with arrows .

 

[TheAuldGrump]

I'm not sure just which is the most useless monster of all time, but I'm sure it will be found in the 1E FF... home of the notorious flumph, almiraj, booka, carbuncle, enveloper, gorbel, gorilla bear, killmoulis, osquip, protein polymorph, snyad, thork, and umpleby. Any of these could qualify.... the illustrations alone make even the neat monsters look pretty useless...

You skipped the Adherer...

And the 1st and 2nd ed. monster books had the Water Weird, a classic November monster... (Invulnerable, except for the one thing that kills it instantly.)

The Auld Grump

 

[Samuel Leming]

It came from a Dragon issue about Kyuss. If you read the article, you would know why they exist. I do have to say that the art from the book is worse than the magazine.

What gets me about the hullathoin & the ulgurstasta are that they're undead that still have some of their biological processes going, and neither of them had prior living forms. In theme they remind me of the avolakia, an aberration. They'd be better as abberations and even then I'd think they were silly

Sam

 

[Zappo]

The Tarrasque is useless as a monster. She's only a plot-device. Furthermore, she's bogus, as you need to put her down to -30, but you can't inflict her lethal damage! Weee! And you can wish for her regen to stop, but only once she's at -30... :insert missing rolleyes smiley:

There's something disturbing here that I can't quite put my finger on.

 

[Piratecat]

Hey, I love my MM2.

 

[DMH]

What gets me about the hullathoin & the ulgurstasta are that they're undead that still have some of their biological processes going, and neither of them had prior living forms.
Sam

I have no idea about the hullathoin (and think it is stupid), but the ulgurstasta is made from hundreds or thousands of corpses. The slowly increasing intelligence is a mistake in the ritual that creates them.