D&D 4E Absurd 4e house rules and OGL rules list (HUMOR)-growing
- Thread starter Emirikol
- Start date
CleverNickName
Limit Break Dancing (He/They)
18. The Rocky theme must be played at all times.
19. Battlemats are not to be used until the actual 4E books are released in stores. Until that time, all games must be played on a Jump To Conclusions mat.
20. Minis for Golden Wyvren Adepts must be cast in actual gold. Or carved from pyrite, if the character has less than 6 Wisdom.
21. Dinosaurs must have feathers, because like, they really did , man. How messed up is that?
19. Battlemats are not to be used until the actual 4E books are released in stores. Until that time, all games must be played on a Jump To Conclusions mat.
20. Minis for Golden Wyvren Adepts must be cast in actual gold. Or carved from pyrite, if the character has less than 6 Wisdom.
21. Dinosaurs must have feathers, because like, they really did , man. How messed up is that?
Emirikol
Adventurer
I love #21.
22. OGL: Rogue shall use it's D&Dism proper spelling, "Rouge," to maintain proper ownership by wotc.
23. House Rule: Justiciar shall be pronounced Just-kuz-eye-are (what I are, I'm the Justiciar, and you will be scarred soon you piece of nard lard) rather than the old english prounounciation, which makes it sound too effeminate.
24. Tieflings not only have HUGE HORNS, but cannot seem to trim their fingernails either.
jh
22. OGL: Rogue shall use it's D&Dism proper spelling, "Rouge," to maintain proper ownership by wotc.
23. House Rule: Justiciar shall be pronounced Just-kuz-eye-are (what I are, I'm the Justiciar, and you will be scarred soon you piece of nard lard) rather than the old english prounounciation, which makes it sound too effeminate.
24. Tieflings not only have HUGE HORNS, but cannot seem to trim their fingernails either.
jh
Attachments
Last edited:
Emirikol
Adventurer
From the Keep on the Shadowfell characters..revealed: Keep on the Shadowfell preview characters - Giant in the Playground Forums
H0pefully this doesnt' offend any of you positive slopers
4th edition character powers revealed in the Keep on the Shadowfell Scenario:
FIGHTER
Spinning Sweep
"And you sing a Happy Little Working Song" How we all enjoy letting loose with a little
La-da-da-dum-dum. While we’re emptying the vacu-um. It’s such fun to hum. A happy working song. Oo-ooh. A happy working song
Brut "Aftershave" Strike
Upon your face you slap on a new fragrance for men that's as different as you are. Independent, authentic, and optimistic to the core.
Cleave Chin
You laugh at an opponent all night long until he gains a Jay Leno chin. at which point his helmet no longer fits leaving him with a lower AC
Reaping Shrike
You hurl a 400-pound (180-kg) U.S. air-to-ground missile at your enemies that is designed to destroy missile batteries by homing in on their radar emissions.
ROUGE (the new D&Dism way to spell Rogue)
Second Chance
The Second Chance Program is a unique social rehabilitation model in the criminal justice system that offers drug rehabilitation as well as education and self-respect components to help reduce criminal behavior. The program delivered to offenders in secure settings additionally provides Social Workers to help transition and reintegrate the offender back into society. The six to eight-month program teaches self-control, critical reasoning, development of moral reasoning skills, development of life skills, self-esteem, problem solving and coping resources.
Def Strike
"yo, mah pizzles, I got da hook-up at this def new club. It's suppose ta be off da hizzy"
Sly Flourish
You gain the ability to flourish, regardless of your 'sly' nature. You are a gentleman who is educated and refined who doesn't tell (if asked).
Positive Slope
You are able to act so stupid or moronic that your opponent actaually disbelieves what you are going to do saying things like "he's either very smart or very dumb" giving you a combat advantage.
Trick Strike
Your ability to call someone a "trick" shows you are not impressed/convinced by them inflicting a demoralization bonus.
PALADIN POWERS:
Holy Spite (Pal Atk 1)
Using your religious texts as an excuse, you make an a malicious, usually petty attack with the desire to harm, annoy, frustrate, or humiliate another person
Valiant Spit (Pal Atk 1)
You feign boldness and courageousness while making a malicious, usually petty attack with sputum, usually hawked up from the deepest reaches of your trachea.
Radiant Spork
Your utensil glows with a pearly luminescence just to to fill your opponent also with spite; vex him, and offend him. Creatures such as demons, devils, deevels and daeaeeamons are particularly affected asis Colonel Sanders.
Paladin's Overly Judgemental Power
The paladin may make an overly moral judgments, demonstrating his stupid, foolish, stubbornness to his enemy and irritating and embarassing his allies.
CLERIC POWERS
Lance of Fate
A smudgy ray of dirt smears your foe with uncleanliness. Splotches of dirt linger around the target, demonstrating to your ally that his attack has a predestined and tragic end.
Lip-smacking Flame
Mmm, mmm good light shines down from above that's just lip-smacking good. Your enemy sees the lip-smacky-goodness and becomes calm and observant.
Healing Spike
DIving radience gleams from your iron spike just before you plunge it into the chest of your ally. If they survive, they recieve a minor blessing.
Bacon of Hope
Crackling, popping, frying good energy gives your opponents a nasty grease burn and your allies a nice breakfast.
WIZTARD POWERS
Mirror Missile
You launch missiles at all mirrors in sight.
Ray of Jack Frost
You take on the temporary aspect of an elfish creature who personifies crisp, cold weather. The ray blasts beautiful patterns on autumn leaves and windows on frosty mornings.
Scorching Borscht
You brew up boiling hot vegetable soup which is traditionally cooked including beetroot as a main ingredient which gives it a strong red color. Other, non-beet power varieties also exist, such as the tomato paste-based orange borshch and the green (zelioni) borshch (sorrel soup). In any case, all of your allies who drink it must make a fort save or burn their tongues and roof of their mouths.
Burning Hands
Fierce flames erupt from your hands after you plunge them into gasoline and set them ablaze.
Acid Burrow
You fill any local small, friendly animal's dwelling with acidcausing misery and dispair amongst the furry anthropomorphized ones. It's not like you care, you're evil'
jh
.
H0pefully this doesnt' offend any of you positive slopers
4th edition character powers revealed in the Keep on the Shadowfell Scenario:
FIGHTER
Spinning Sweep
"And you sing a Happy Little Working Song" How we all enjoy letting loose with a little
La-da-da-dum-dum. While we’re emptying the vacu-um. It’s such fun to hum. A happy working song. Oo-ooh. A happy working song
Brut "Aftershave" Strike
Upon your face you slap on a new fragrance for men that's as different as you are. Independent, authentic, and optimistic to the core.
Cleave Chin
You laugh at an opponent all night long until he gains a Jay Leno chin. at which point his helmet no longer fits leaving him with a lower AC
Reaping Shrike
You hurl a 400-pound (180-kg) U.S. air-to-ground missile at your enemies that is designed to destroy missile batteries by homing in on their radar emissions.
ROUGE (the new D&Dism way to spell Rogue)
Second Chance
The Second Chance Program is a unique social rehabilitation model in the criminal justice system that offers drug rehabilitation as well as education and self-respect components to help reduce criminal behavior. The program delivered to offenders in secure settings additionally provides Social Workers to help transition and reintegrate the offender back into society. The six to eight-month program teaches self-control, critical reasoning, development of moral reasoning skills, development of life skills, self-esteem, problem solving and coping resources.
Def Strike
"yo, mah pizzles, I got da hook-up at this def new club. It's suppose ta be off da hizzy"
Sly Flourish
You gain the ability to flourish, regardless of your 'sly' nature. You are a gentleman who is educated and refined who doesn't tell (if asked).
Positive Slope
You are able to act so stupid or moronic that your opponent actaually disbelieves what you are going to do saying things like "he's either very smart or very dumb" giving you a combat advantage.
Trick Strike
Your ability to call someone a "trick" shows you are not impressed/convinced by them inflicting a demoralization bonus.
PALADIN POWERS:
Holy Spite (Pal Atk 1)
Using your religious texts as an excuse, you make an a malicious, usually petty attack with the desire to harm, annoy, frustrate, or humiliate another person
Valiant Spit (Pal Atk 1)
You feign boldness and courageousness while making a malicious, usually petty attack with sputum, usually hawked up from the deepest reaches of your trachea.
Radiant Spork
Your utensil glows with a pearly luminescence just to to fill your opponent also with spite; vex him, and offend him. Creatures such as demons, devils, deevels and daeaeeamons are particularly affected asis Colonel Sanders.
Paladin's Overly Judgemental Power
The paladin may make an overly moral judgments, demonstrating his stupid, foolish, stubbornness to his enemy and irritating and embarassing his allies.
CLERIC POWERS
Lance of Fate
A smudgy ray of dirt smears your foe with uncleanliness. Splotches of dirt linger around the target, demonstrating to your ally that his attack has a predestined and tragic end.
Lip-smacking Flame
Mmm, mmm good light shines down from above that's just lip-smacking good. Your enemy sees the lip-smacky-goodness and becomes calm and observant.
Healing Spike
DIving radience gleams from your iron spike just before you plunge it into the chest of your ally. If they survive, they recieve a minor blessing.
Bacon of Hope
Crackling, popping, frying good energy gives your opponents a nasty grease burn and your allies a nice breakfast.
WIZTARD POWERS
Mirror Missile
You launch missiles at all mirrors in sight.
Ray of Jack Frost
You take on the temporary aspect of an elfish creature who personifies crisp, cold weather. The ray blasts beautiful patterns on autumn leaves and windows on frosty mornings.
Scorching Borscht
You brew up boiling hot vegetable soup which is traditionally cooked including beetroot as a main ingredient which gives it a strong red color. Other, non-beet power varieties also exist, such as the tomato paste-based orange borshch and the green (zelioni) borshch (sorrel soup). In any case, all of your allies who drink it must make a fort save or burn their tongues and roof of their mouths.
Burning Hands
Fierce flames erupt from your hands after you plunge them into gasoline and set them ablaze.
Acid Burrow
You fill any local small, friendly animal's dwelling with acidcausing misery and dispair amongst the furry anthropomorphized ones. It's not like you care, you're evil'
jh
.
Last edited:
Emirikol
Adventurer
BTW, here's what I've garnered so far from kots:
4e ~ The CINCO!
By Jay H (5/18/08 ~ from Keep on the Shadowfell)
Add the following to your character sheet:
NBN – Negative bloodied number. You die at this point. No saving throw.
F1, F2, F3 = Failed Dying Saves; check them off as failed.
ENCOUNTERS- Unchanged (Combat or non-combat)
Combat Sequence:
1. Establish Positions
2. Roll Initiative
3. Take surprise actions (in initiative order if necessary)
4. Take Normal Initiative Turns
5. Repeat
6. End the encounter. The encounter ends when the remaining side takes a short or extended “rest.”
COMBAT ROUND ACTIONS:
Standard: attack power
Move: walking your speed
Minor: Drawing weapon/open chest
Free: talk, drop held item
Opportunity action: opponent makes an adjacent ranged or area attack.
Immediate actions (2 types)
1. Interrupt: act BEFORE the triggering action
2. Reaction: act AFTER the triggering action
TURN STAGES
Start of Turn -Take ongoing damage or regeneration
Mid-Turn: Make your actions
Post-Turn: Make any saving throws, namely your Dying saving throws.
YOUR TURN MAY BE PERFORMED IN ANY ORDER (Includes Free Actions at any time)
Standard Move Standard
Move Move Minor
Minor Minor Minor
Flank has not changed
Critical is MAX damage
Combat Advantage (opponent Stunned or Flanked)
· +2 attack rolls, but you must be able to see your target
Charge: Move two squares; +1 to attack; provokes AOO; no other actions after a charge
Second Wind: as a standard action, you can spend a healing surge to regain hit points. When you do, you regain one-quarter of your maximum hit points. You also gain +2 to all defenses until the start of your next turn. You can use your second wind once per encounter.
Use a Power: Standard action
MOVEMENT:
Walk your speed
Shift: move 1 square without provoking AOO. Can’t shift into difficult terrain.
Run: Move your speed +2 squares but grant combat advantage.
FORCED MOVEMENT (on opponent):
Certain powers allow: Pull creature nearer, Push farther away, or Slide in any direction
* Does not provoke AOO
* Not hindered by difficult terrain
* Does not cause target to lose their move
* Can’t move a target into space it couldn’t enter by walking.
OCCUPIED SQUARES:
Ally or helpless enemy: no restriction to move through
Enemy: cannot move through
Ending movement: can’t end in occupied unless prone ally or helpless enemy
DIFFICULT TERRAIN: costs 1 additional square.
OBSTACLES: Cannot move diagonally across hard corners
ACTION POINTS: One per encounter
· You start with one
· * You gain one with each milestone
· After extended rest, you restart at one action point
· Action point allows you to take extra action during your turn. Standard, move or minor.
HIT POINTS, HEALING AND DYING:
· Max hit points: your current hit points cannot exceed this number
· Bloodied: at 50% hit points, you are bloodied. Certain powers are important against bloodied opponents.
· Dying. When your current hit points drop to 0 or lower, you fall unconscious and are dying. Any damage you take continues to reduce your current hit points until your character dies.
· Death Saving Throw. When you are dying, you make a saving throw at the end of your turn each round. If you succeed (roll 10 or higher), there is no change in your condition If you fail the save (roll lower than 10), you slip one step closer to death. If you fail three times, your character dies. FAIL ONE, FAIL TWO, FAIL THREE (F1, F2, F3).
· Death. When you take damage that reduces your current hit points to a negative number that’s the same as your bloodied number, or if you fail your death save three times you die. NEGATIVE BLOODIED NUMBER. (NBN)
HEALING IN COMBAT
There are three main ways to heal in combat:
1. Second wind
2. Ally uses heal skill on you
3. Ally uses healing power on you. Does NOT require an action point from you, but usually expends one of your healing surges.
HEALING WHILE DYING
When you are dying, any healing restores you to at least 1 hit point. If someone has stabilized you using the Heal skill, but you receive no healing, you regain hit points after an extended rest.
REST AND RECOVERY
Two types: Short and extended rest
Short Rest (5 minutes minimum): renew all encounter powers and use healing surges to regain hit points. You can take as many short rests per day as you want (within logic). During a short rest, you have to rest; no strenuous activity, no interruptions.
Extended Rest (6 hours minimum). Once per day, you can take an extended rest. You have to rest or sleep during this period. At the end of the rest, you regain any hit points you lost and healing surges you spent, your daily powers are renewed, and you lose any unspent action points and gain 1 fresh action point.
SKILLS OVERVIEW
In general, at 1st-3rd level, easy tasks have a DC of 15, moderate tasks have a DC of 20, and hard tasks have a DC of 25 or higher.
Acrobatics. Use this kill to test your balance on narrow or unstable surfaces, ot escape from a grab or from restraints, and (if you’re trained) to reduce your damage from a fall.
Arcana. You have knowledge about magic and magical effects, and (if you’re trained) you know how to detect a persistent magical effect.
Athletics. Use this skill to climb, swim or jump.
Bluff. Use this skill to make what’s false appear to be true, fast-talk a guard, con a merchant, or tell lies.
Diplomacy. Use this skill to influence others with tact and social grace, change opinions, inspire good will, and to negotiate a deal in good faith.
Dungeoneering. You have knowledge about forging a path through a dungeon complex, recognizing dungeon hazards, and finding food in the Underdark.
Endurance. Use this skill to stave off ill effects and to push beyond normal physical limits.
Heal. Use this skill to administer first aid, stabilize a dying character, grant a saving throw, or treat a disease.
History. You have knowledge about history, including significant events, legends, customs, and traditions.
Insight. Use this skill to discern intent and decipher body language, making a best guess as to a target’s motives, attitudes and truthfulniess.
Intimidate. Use this skill to influence others through hostile actions and overt threats.
Nature. You have knowledge related to finding your way through the wilderness, recognizing natural hazards, and living off the land.
Perception. Use this skill to notice clues, spot imminent dangers, and locate hidden objects.
Religion. You have knowledge of religious traditions.
Stealth. Use this skill to hide and move silently.
Streetwise. You know how to get the lay of the land in an urban setting.
Thievery. Use this skill to disable traps, open locks, pick pockets, and perform other sleights of hand.
DM section to follow...
…
4e ~ The CINCO!
By Jay H (5/18/08 ~ from Keep on the Shadowfell)
Add the following to your character sheet:
NBN – Negative bloodied number. You die at this point. No saving throw.
F1, F2, F3 = Failed Dying Saves; check them off as failed.
ENCOUNTERS- Unchanged (Combat or non-combat)
Combat Sequence:
1. Establish Positions
2. Roll Initiative
3. Take surprise actions (in initiative order if necessary)
4. Take Normal Initiative Turns
5. Repeat
6. End the encounter. The encounter ends when the remaining side takes a short or extended “rest.”
COMBAT ROUND ACTIONS:
Standard: attack power
Move: walking your speed
Minor: Drawing weapon/open chest
Free: talk, drop held item
Opportunity action: opponent makes an adjacent ranged or area attack.
Immediate actions (2 types)
1. Interrupt: act BEFORE the triggering action
2. Reaction: act AFTER the triggering action
TURN STAGES
Start of Turn -Take ongoing damage or regeneration
Mid-Turn: Make your actions
Post-Turn: Make any saving throws, namely your Dying saving throws.
YOUR TURN MAY BE PERFORMED IN ANY ORDER (Includes Free Actions at any time)
Standard Move Standard
Move Move Minor
Minor Minor Minor
Flank has not changed
Critical is MAX damage
Combat Advantage (opponent Stunned or Flanked)
· +2 attack rolls, but you must be able to see your target
Charge: Move two squares; +1 to attack; provokes AOO; no other actions after a charge
Second Wind: as a standard action, you can spend a healing surge to regain hit points. When you do, you regain one-quarter of your maximum hit points. You also gain +2 to all defenses until the start of your next turn. You can use your second wind once per encounter.
Use a Power: Standard action
MOVEMENT:
Walk your speed
Shift: move 1 square without provoking AOO. Can’t shift into difficult terrain.
Run: Move your speed +2 squares but grant combat advantage.
FORCED MOVEMENT (on opponent):
Certain powers allow: Pull creature nearer, Push farther away, or Slide in any direction
* Does not provoke AOO
* Not hindered by difficult terrain
* Does not cause target to lose their move
* Can’t move a target into space it couldn’t enter by walking.
OCCUPIED SQUARES:
Ally or helpless enemy: no restriction to move through
Enemy: cannot move through
Ending movement: can’t end in occupied unless prone ally or helpless enemy
DIFFICULT TERRAIN: costs 1 additional square.
OBSTACLES: Cannot move diagonally across hard corners
ACTION POINTS: One per encounter
· You start with one
· * You gain one with each milestone
· After extended rest, you restart at one action point
· Action point allows you to take extra action during your turn. Standard, move or minor.
HIT POINTS, HEALING AND DYING:
· Max hit points: your current hit points cannot exceed this number
· Bloodied: at 50% hit points, you are bloodied. Certain powers are important against bloodied opponents.
· Dying. When your current hit points drop to 0 or lower, you fall unconscious and are dying. Any damage you take continues to reduce your current hit points until your character dies.
· Death Saving Throw. When you are dying, you make a saving throw at the end of your turn each round. If you succeed (roll 10 or higher), there is no change in your condition If you fail the save (roll lower than 10), you slip one step closer to death. If you fail three times, your character dies. FAIL ONE, FAIL TWO, FAIL THREE (F1, F2, F3).
· Death. When you take damage that reduces your current hit points to a negative number that’s the same as your bloodied number, or if you fail your death save three times you die. NEGATIVE BLOODIED NUMBER. (NBN)
HEALING IN COMBAT
There are three main ways to heal in combat:
1. Second wind
2. Ally uses heal skill on you
3. Ally uses healing power on you. Does NOT require an action point from you, but usually expends one of your healing surges.
HEALING WHILE DYING
When you are dying, any healing restores you to at least 1 hit point. If someone has stabilized you using the Heal skill, but you receive no healing, you regain hit points after an extended rest.
REST AND RECOVERY
Two types: Short and extended rest
Short Rest (5 minutes minimum): renew all encounter powers and use healing surges to regain hit points. You can take as many short rests per day as you want (within logic). During a short rest, you have to rest; no strenuous activity, no interruptions.
Extended Rest (6 hours minimum). Once per day, you can take an extended rest. You have to rest or sleep during this period. At the end of the rest, you regain any hit points you lost and healing surges you spent, your daily powers are renewed, and you lose any unspent action points and gain 1 fresh action point.
SKILLS OVERVIEW
In general, at 1st-3rd level, easy tasks have a DC of 15, moderate tasks have a DC of 20, and hard tasks have a DC of 25 or higher.
Acrobatics. Use this kill to test your balance on narrow or unstable surfaces, ot escape from a grab or from restraints, and (if you’re trained) to reduce your damage from a fall.
Arcana. You have knowledge about magic and magical effects, and (if you’re trained) you know how to detect a persistent magical effect.
Athletics. Use this skill to climb, swim or jump.
Bluff. Use this skill to make what’s false appear to be true, fast-talk a guard, con a merchant, or tell lies.
Diplomacy. Use this skill to influence others with tact and social grace, change opinions, inspire good will, and to negotiate a deal in good faith.
Dungeoneering. You have knowledge about forging a path through a dungeon complex, recognizing dungeon hazards, and finding food in the Underdark.
Endurance. Use this skill to stave off ill effects and to push beyond normal physical limits.
Heal. Use this skill to administer first aid, stabilize a dying character, grant a saving throw, or treat a disease.
History. You have knowledge about history, including significant events, legends, customs, and traditions.
Insight. Use this skill to discern intent and decipher body language, making a best guess as to a target’s motives, attitudes and truthfulniess.
Intimidate. Use this skill to influence others through hostile actions and overt threats.
Nature. You have knowledge related to finding your way through the wilderness, recognizing natural hazards, and living off the land.
Perception. Use this skill to notice clues, spot imminent dangers, and locate hidden objects.
Religion. You have knowledge of religious traditions.
Stealth. Use this skill to hide and move silently.
Streetwise. You know how to get the lay of the land in an urban setting.
Thievery. Use this skill to disable traps, open locks, pick pockets, and perform other sleights of hand.
DM section to follow...
…
Emirikol
Adventurer
Tiefling Warlord
27. All Tiefling Warlords must look Mephistophales, but be perfectly accepted into human society with no reservations whatsoever.
28. New Feats
Vipers Strike: since you made that pact with the devil, your Destrier Viper may strike another comrade without any chance of liability or reprisal.
Wolf Scout Tactics: You receive a Wolf Scout handbook, Wolf neckerchief, and Wolf neckerchief slide. You will also need a blue Wolf Scout Uniform. Before you attack, you must recite the Wolf Scout's Honor code, which allows you a parental pride attack, leaving your opponent clueless.
Internal Wrath: You call upon your most recent spicy food meal to improve your odds of harming a foe.
Leap on the Wind: Like a chicken attempting to fly, you catch the autumn wind (and only in Autumn may you catch the autumn wind; thou shalt not catch the autum wind before autumn, and thou shalt not catch the autumn wind after autum; therefore autumn wind shalt now be caught or found or leaped upon during summer; nor shalt thou leap upon the wind, as it does not exist as autumn during winter or spring~ the book of autumn wind).
Lead the Attack "aka Tell Other Players How to Run their Characters": Under your bossiness, you tell other players how, when and where to move their characters.
Scorching Borscht (see Wizard earlier)
AIDS for the Injured: Something goes horribly wrong during the blood transfusion you perform during combat.
Steel Munson: Although you lost your arm in a horrible bowling incident, you have been granted a steel hand (to replace the rubber one you were using), which allows ou to leap into the fray with a wild, comb-over flashing, to distract nearby enemies and give your allies a chance to move into position.
27. All Tiefling Warlords must look Mephistophales, but be perfectly accepted into human society with no reservations whatsoever.
28. New Feats
Vipers Strike: since you made that pact with the devil, your Destrier Viper may strike another comrade without any chance of liability or reprisal.
Wolf Scout Tactics: You receive a Wolf Scout handbook, Wolf neckerchief, and Wolf neckerchief slide. You will also need a blue Wolf Scout Uniform. Before you attack, you must recite the Wolf Scout's Honor code, which allows you a parental pride attack, leaving your opponent clueless.
Internal Wrath: You call upon your most recent spicy food meal to improve your odds of harming a foe.
Leap on the Wind: Like a chicken attempting to fly, you catch the autumn wind (and only in Autumn may you catch the autumn wind; thou shalt not catch the autum wind before autumn, and thou shalt not catch the autumn wind after autum; therefore autumn wind shalt now be caught or found or leaped upon during summer; nor shalt thou leap upon the wind, as it does not exist as autumn during winter or spring~ the book of autumn wind).
Lead the Attack "aka Tell Other Players How to Run their Characters": Under your bossiness, you tell other players how, when and where to move their characters.
Scorching Borscht (see Wizard earlier)
AIDS for the Injured: Something goes horribly wrong during the blood transfusion you perform during combat.
Steel Munson: Although you lost your arm in a horrible bowling incident, you have been granted a steel hand (to replace the rubber one you were using), which allows ou to leap into the fray with a wild, comb-over flashing, to distract nearby enemies and give your allies a chance to move into position.
