D&D 5E Advice on how not to feel like a lousy DM

[Nebulous]

IMO, the most difficult part of running ANY roleplaying game, as the GM, is making up stuff on the fly as a reaction to the player's decisions, and incorporate it in such a way -so smoothly - that they don't know you're making it up as you go along. And that really just takes practice, so keep at it. It does get easier over time, especially once you get into the groove and built the self confidence, of Yes, I can do this pretty darn well.

 

[ccooke]

Something I do - especially at the start of the game, or with a new group - is explicitly ask for feedback.
Ask the party for things that they didn't feel worked, or for things they did. Remember to ask for both, though

 

[Charlaquin]

Nobody is a great DM their first time. But the best DMs are the ones who recognize their mistakes and work to improve. It’s an ongoing process, and there is always room to improve. You won’t always feel like you sucked, but hopefully you will always notice things you could have handled better.

 

[Christopher Bixby]

Well we started out doing a one shot Thanksgiving themed campaign that I found online but I didn't take the time I needed to look it over and put my own thoughts into it than we decided to go with a campaign that I've been working on doing myself where I had the time and the thought into almost every detail of how the players could do things. My wife is one of the party members and with that being said even with it being my first session she thought I did pretty well. The other members of the party also had fun with what we did but there were times that I was flying by the seat of my pants so to speak and still looking things up in my books and online for reference and trying my best to give them the best experience that I could. I am going to go through the books tonight and try to get a bit more organized because the party members want to continue with the campaign on Saturday, so I'm going to continue to try and get better by being a bit more prepared for the curves that my wife has been known to throw at me since last night.

 

[Lanefan]

Well we started out doing a one shot Thanksgiving themed campaign that I found online but I didn't take the time I needed to look it over and put my own thoughts into it than we decided to go with a campaign that I've been working on doing myself where I had the time and the thought into almost every detail of how the players could do things. My wife is one of the party members and with that being said even with it being my first session she thought I did pretty well. The other members of the party also had fun with what we did but there were times that I was flying by the seat of my pants so to speak and still looking things up in my books and online for reference and trying my best to give them the best experience that I could. I am going to go through the books tonight and try to get a bit more organized because the party members want to continue with the campaign on Saturday, so I'm going to continue to try and get better by being a bit more prepared for the curves that my wife has been known to throw at me since last night.

In your post you've already identified the single most important skill you'll ever need as a DM; I've taken the liberty of highlighting it for you. I call it "hitting the curveball" - being able to take whatever unexpected thing the players throw at you and seamlessly make something out of it.

Others above have stressed the need for lots of preparation but I'm going to be a little bit contrary here and say don't over-prepare the small stuff.

The big stuff - enough game world to play in, cultures, some basic history, maps - all that ought to be in place before you start (pre-published settings always have this stuff built in, all you need to do is tweak it to suit what you want). And of course have the adventure ready to go - I strongly recommend running pre-published modules for the first few until you've got your feet under you (says he who didn't, and suffered mightily for it!).

But if they see some random town on the map - that you-as-DM know nothing abut except its name - and say "Right, we're going there!" then just make it up on the fly. Don't worry about getting every little detail right, just wing it at the time and sort it all out during the week.

And from your later post it appears you've also already achieved the most important goal of a DM: they're coming back next week for more!

EDIT TO ADD: and whatever you do, design your adventures and-or campaign without any expectation of how (or even if!) the players/PCs will approach and-or deal with them.

 

[Fanaelialae]

It sounds like you did fairly well. An important thing to remember is that we're often more critical of ourselves than others are. Players are frequently happy just to play (particularly if they are GMs, who may not often get that opportunity).

I'd say the number one thing is to roll with the punches and allow the players to attempt anything they come up with (within reason). That's the biggest mistake I've seen new GMs make; not allowing the players sufficient freedom because of a fear of losing control. It doesn't sound like you had that issue though.

If the players come up with something you don't know how to handle, just stall. You could excuse yourself for a few minutes to use the bathroom while you think. Or throw in a combat (or other filler encounter) to buy some time. Maybe while they're trying to break into the shop, a nosey neighbor shows up that they need to talk their way past. Or even just straight up tell them, "Wow guys, I'm really impressed. I didn't even consider that approach. Mind if we take a break while I figure out how to handle this?"

 

[tetrasodium]

From the sounds of things everything went well. You & the players all had fun. Importer Syndrome & various other things are pretty common concerns for new GM's to have & even experienced ones will still feel it sometimes. As a GM i can feel like you are trying to juggle invisible chainsaws while riding a unicycle... to the players at worst you are riding a unicycle without falling over while huge holes are being carved into the stage & it's great. There's been a lot of great advice so far & I figure I'll offer some that might help with a topic that newer gm's fret over. this is a great resource to help you on the topic of running combat, take what's useful & have fun.

 

[Charlaquin]

Well we started out doing a one shot Thanksgiving themed campaign that I found online but I didn't take the time I needed to look it over and put my own thoughts into it than we decided to go with a campaign that I've been working on doing myself where I had the time and the thought into almost every detail of how the players could do things. My wife is one of the party members and with that being said even with it being my first session she thought I did pretty well. The other members of the party also had fun with what we did but there were times that I was flying by the seat of my pants so to speak and still looking things up in my books and online for reference and trying my best to give them the best experience that I could. I am going to go through the books tonight and try to get a bit more organized because the party members want to continue with the campaign on Saturday, so I'm going to continue to try and get better by being a bit more prepared for the curves that my wife has been known to throw at me since last night.

This sounds like you did quite well, considering it was your first time. You recognized that you weren’t sufficiently prepared for the game you had set out to run, admitted to that, and pivoted to an adventure you were better prepared for, which was a very smart move, and the players enjoyed it enough that they want to continue. That’s a great place to be in.

You will probably always be flying by the seat of your pants. No matter how much preparation you do, the players will always end up doing something unexpected. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare, but it does mean that you should go in expecting to need to improvise at some point. I would recommend not putting too much stock in advice about how much or how little to prepare. That’s a very personal thing, and you will always be a better judge of how much prep you need than any of us here will be. Just keep in mind that it will always be necessary to go off-book when something unexpected inevitably happens.

I would also recommend breaking yourself if the habit of looking things up at the table. Flip through your notes if you need to, sure, but “looking things up in my books or online” can be pretty harmful to the pacing and flow of play. In my opinion, it is better to make an immediate call that might turn out be “wrong” than to interrupt play for a minute to find the exact rule.

Also, try to keep in mind that you will always be your own biggest critic. You may have felt like you were flying by the seat of your pants, but the players probably didn’t notice. You’ll be much more intensely aware of your own mistakes than they will, and at the end of the day, if they had a good time, you’ve done your job as a DM. Don’t let that be an excuse not to keep striving to improve, but do try to let it relieve some of the pressure to be perfect.

 

[tetrasodium]

I would also recommend breaking yourself if the habit of looking things up at the table. Flip through your notes if you need to, sure, but “looking things up in my books or online” can be pretty harmful to the pacing and flow of play. In my opinion, it is better to make an immediate call that might turn out be “wrong” than to interrupt play for a minute to find the exact rule.

Adding to that.... it doesn't matter what notes you are flipping through... A binder with costs & plans for a business client is just as effective a distraction as an overprepared tome with notes that are actually filled with relevant notes when the players do something unexpected & you need a couple seconds to make things up so you can roll with it.

 

[Shiroiken]

1) Always seek feedback from the players after each session. If something isn't working, you have time to correct things. If the players are happy, then you're doing fine, even if you feel like a failure (we DMs tend to be a bunch of masochists).

2) As a new DM, I'd suggest simply fessing up to the players when something goes wrong. Eventually you can learn the skill "running on the fly," where you can have little to nothing prepared, but still have a kick-ass session. Until you start to pick that skill up, it's best to just be honest, and hopefully they'll understand.