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<blockquote data-quote="Fieari" data-source="post: 2795795" data-attributes="member: 16221">Copyedit Nitpicks as I read:--Amidah Section--*Alabaster description: &quot;They led an unholy crusade that eventually even embroiled several deities. Alabasters first taste for god-slaying.&quot;&nbsp; This should be one sentence, not two.&nbsp; Try using a semicolon instead of a period.(I -love- the Three Weapon Fighting Style feat chain, by the way.&nbsp; Awesome.)*Typo: &quot;Omnicompetant (Ex): Alabaster know all skills and have maximum ranks in all skills.&quot;&nbsp; Should be &quot;knows&quot;.*Steel Hydra: &quot;Powers: This weapon has a +88 everdancing, sonic blast longsword&quot; should be, &quot;This weapon is a +88...&quot; etc.&nbsp; You could also put a period after &quot;sonic blast longsword&quot; instead of the comma, then begin the next peice of information about the sword as a new sentence, and it might read better to add the definite article before each new ability described (&quot;It always acts..., it doubles the..., and upon scoring a...&quot;)*Were-sword: &quot;...both the opponents and the wielders.&quot; should be &quot;...both the opponent's and the wielder's.&quot;(The Undersword is wicked, by the way.&nbsp; Very cool!)*&quot;The amidah template does not stack with the Paragon template instead overlapping.&quot;&nbsp; this is awkward.&nbsp; Try &quot;The amidah template overlaps with the Paragon template instead of stacking.&quot;*&quot;Tha amidah always have maximum hit points per Hit Die.&quot;&nbsp; should be &quot;The amidah always has...&quot;*&quot;The amidahs speed increases...&quot; should be &quot;The amidah's speed increases...&quot;*&quot;Amidah can only be struck...&quot; might be better as &quot;The amidah can only be struck...&quot;</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Fieari, post: 2795795, member: 16221"] Copyedit Nitpicks as I read: --Amidah Section-- *Alabaster description: "They led an unholy crusade that eventually even embroiled several deities. Alabasters first taste for god-slaying." This should be one sentence, not two. Try using a semicolon instead of a period. (I -love- the Three Weapon Fighting Style feat chain, by the way. Awesome.) *Typo: "Omnicompetant (Ex): Alabaster know all skills and have maximum ranks in all skills." Should be "knows". *Steel Hydra: "Powers: This weapon has a +88 everdancing, sonic blast longsword" should be, "This weapon [i]is[/i] a +88..." etc. You could also put a period after "sonic blast longsword" instead of the comma, then begin the next peice of information about the sword as a new sentence, and it might read better to add the definite article before each new ability described ("It always acts..., it doubles the..., and upon scoring a...") *Were-sword: "...both the opponents and the wielders." should be "...both the opponent's and the wielder's." (The Undersword is wicked, by the way. Very cool!) *"The amidah template does not stack with the Paragon template instead overlapping." this is awkward. Try "The amidah template overlaps with the Paragon template instead of stacking." *"Tha amidah always have maximum hit points per Hit Die." should be "The amidah always has..." *"The amidahs speed increases..." should be "The amidah's speed increases..." *"Amidah can only be struck..." might be better as "The amidah can only be struck..." [/QUOTE]

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