Ask my ASS!

[Mark]

I don't get asked a lot of questions about CMG and fortunately I have someone on staff who often handles Off Topic, non-business related emails. Here's a few from the files to get us started...

Dear ASS!

My girlfriend has recently been pressuring me to get married. I'm not sure I am ready. What should I do?

Signed,
Cold_Feet

----------------

Dear Cold_Feet,

Don't be an ASS! You've got time to spend on message boards and you are so sure you will ever find another woman interested in you? Marry her! Marry her NOW! I command it!

Signed,
My ASS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear ASS!

I often wonder if I have taken the wrong path in life. I am stuck in a thankless job with little hope of promotion. Is there a way for me to be happy with my lot in life?

Signed,
Deadend_Dope

----------------

Dear Deadend_Dope,

Don't be an ASS! You have no way out and no hope. Your best bet would be just to resign yourself to the endless tedium and joyless despair that is yet to come. So far, it's been a cakewalk. Now that you know your plight it can only get far worse!

Signed,
My ASS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear ASS!

I read your column all of the time and often wonder if the letters are real. Will you print this one so that I will know for sure?

Signed,
Post_Curious

----------------

Dear Post_Curious,

Don't be an ASS! Of course they are all real! Quit wasting my time!

Signed,
My ASS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

So if you have a question that has nothing to do with gaming, by all means, Ask my ASS!

 

[Eosin the Red]

Very good.

 

[Robbert Raets]

Rotfl!

 

[BrooklynKnight]

Dear ASS,

Do you know what a real woman is?

 

[KidCthulhu]

Dear ASS,

Do you know what a real woman is?

Woman:

Middle English, from Old English wimman, variant of wfman : wf, woman; see ghwbh- in Indo-European Roots + man, person; see man.]

n. pl. wom·en (wmn)
An adult female human.

Real:
adj.
1. Being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence: real objects; a real illness.
2. True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal: real people, not ghosts; a film based on real life.

That ought to cover it. Besides, we're talking about an ass. What would he want with a woman? A lady donkey or horse would be more his type.

 

[the Jester]

Besides, we're talking about an ass. What would he want with a woman? A lady donkey or horse would be more his type.

Would that be an assette? Or an assess?

 

[diaglo]

Dear Ass,

Who let the dogs out? And where's the beef? Who shot JR? Who framed Roger Rabbit? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? I can guess, but I need the definitive answers.


Signed,

Lost in the Shuffle

 

[Mark]

I tracked down my staff member to pass on your questions...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear ASS,

Do you know what a real woman is?

----------------

Dear ArthurQ,

Don't be an ASS! Wearing a dress isn't going to fool me! You will have to don a wig as well!

Signed,
My ASS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

What would he want with a woman? A lady donkey or horse would be more his type.

----------------

Dear KidCthulhu,

Don't be an ASS! Putting a dress on a donkey isn't going to fool me! You will have to put a wig on it as well!

Signed,
My ASS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Would that be an assette? Or an assess?

----------------

Dear the Jester,

Don't be an ASS! An ASS by any other name...

Signed,
My ASS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ass,

Who let the dogs out? And where's the beef? Who shot JR? Who framed Roger Rabbit? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? I can guess, but I need the definitive answers.


Signed,

Lost in the Shuffle

----------------

Dear Lost in the Shuffle,

Don't be an ASS! Baha Men, Wendy's, Kristen Shepard (played by Mary Crosby), Studio Executive R.K. Maroon (played by Alan Tilvern), 3 (according to the Wise Old Owl).

Signed,
My ASS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll pass on more questions for anyone who wants to Ask me ASS!

 

[Piratecat]

Guess what? We can close OT threads here, too.