Barsoom Tales I - COMPLETE

Warrior Poet

Explorer
I was going to post a selection of some favorite moments from the story so far ...

... but there's too many of them to put in a reasonable length post.

You have a storyteller's gift -- this writing is terrific. Good plot development, good character development, good description, good dialogue, good pacing, good structure, all of it. Good, nothing, it's great.

Is the dialogue straight from in-game the way it was said at the table?

Compliments to you and your players. This is a tremendous story.

And my reading list just got longer.

Thanks,

Warrior Poet
 

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Warrior Poet

Explorer
Well, o.k., maybe just a few ...

Karel got up from the sofa where he'd been reading and joined them. The four friends exchanged worried glances, keeping their eyes on the doorway, a frame of darkness and pouring rain.

Mood -- check!

The Saijadani turned his face to Arrafin, cigar forgotten, barely able to focus on her. He had a pistol in either hand.

"I need bigger guns."

Character -- check!

"No, that was last week. This week he's okay."

"When's it going to be my week?"

"Anytime, Trazik. As soon as you're rich and handsome."

Humor -- check!

She got distracted as Aubrey yanked her backwards, and looked up to see the little Kishak girl come down the steps.

Without seeming to touch one. Or move her legs at all.

Philip swore and drew both pistols. "I hate when they do that floating thing."

Mysterious and growing horror -- check!

He broke off as Ilonka hauled him down for a few serious kisses.

Trazik, Karel and Iseut looked over at the sudden commotion then looked away quickly, grinning. Iseut caught Trazik's eye.

"I guess Vlad is okay this week."

Trazik nodded and Iseut chuckled and for a second, Trazik stared at the young Gap woman, her clear blue eyes so full of honest courage. She noticed his stare and looked down at the tabletop, her cheeks burning. She blinked in shock when she felt long fingers on her face, her head turned and Trazik kissed her.

Karel looked from one couple to the other and turned his gaze up to the ceiling. He began counting broken boards overhead. Out loud.

Honest, believeable character dynamics and interaction -- check!

Philip nodded and moved to the stairs, then stopped and tossed Elena one of his pistols. They gave each other a weak half-smile and he ran up the steps out of sight.

Well-developed party dynamics -- check!

The man turned to her and Elena recoiled from the agony in his eyes. Before she could react, he yanked the pistol from her belt, stuck it into his mouth and pulled the trigger. Nevid gave a cry of disgust as blood and brains spattered across him and the man's body collapsed next to the woman's.

The shock of the unexpected -- check!

"All our parasaurs are dead. We'll have to walk out. It must be a two-week walk back out to the highway. Where are we going to get food? And what are we going to do if either of these things comes after us? That man was right, back in the coffee shop. We're never going to leave this place. Not alive."

Nobody had ever heard Nevid make such a long speech. The corpses strewn about provided silent, incontrovertible testimony to his assessment.

Elena reached down and took Philip's pistol from the dead man's hand. She wiped it clean, stood and stepped carefully across the room to hand it back to Philip. She turned to scowl at Nevid.

"I'm not dying here. That's final."

Nevid spread his hands, apologetic.

"I'm just saying."

Story tension, character resolve, twists, realizations -- check, check, check, and check!

Barsoomcore, you've really got something here!

Thanks,

Warrior Poet

edit: aha! Bracket trouble!
 
Last edited:

barsoomcore

Unattainable Ideal
Warrior Poet said:
Is the dialogue straight from in-game the way it was said at the table?
It was more than two years ago, and my notes are sketchy at best. It's more "representative" than "factual", if you know what I mean.

Thanks for all your very kind words. Encouragement is always appreciated!
 

Dawn

First Post
Excellent storytelling. Nice job of switching back and forth between the party and the group at the tavern/inn.
 

barsoomcore

Unattainable Ideal
Wake-Up Call

Karel tasted something. Something foul. Something fuzzy.

His brain spent some time considering, and decided that "fuzzy" was inappropriate for anything actually in his mouth. It tried opening his mouth, had very little success and decided it was time for Karel to wake up.

He found himself sprawled in one of the dingy armchairs, his open mouth resting on the upholstery. Iseut and Trazik were curled up on the motheaten green sofa by the counter, while Vlad snored with Ilonka across his lap in the other, slightly less motheaten, sofa nearer the door. Everyone looked very peaceful, if somewhat uncomfortable.

Karel studied the others, keeping his eyes lidded. The rule was that the first to wake up had to make coffee for the rest, so there was a certain amount of chicanery and deceit when it came to waking up. But there was no mistake. Everyone was asleep, and if Karel wanted coffee, he'd have to make it for himself, which meant he'd have to make it for everyone.

He thought about how badly he wanted coffee, gave up, and stretched, yawning.

The rain had not slackened off in the slightest. It hadn't slackened off for the past month, so Karel hadn't really expected it to. He did note the weak grey light outside and knew it was day. Or what passed for day up here. He thought of clear summer days on Duelists' Street back home, carrying banners demonstrating against the Kishak government and sighed, pushing himself up to his feet and shuffling over to the counter to start on the coffee.

Of course as soon as he got up, everyone else opened their eyes, happy that somebody else was making the morning round.

*****

Neither Arrafin nor Elena had gotten much sleep. After making their way back to the del Maraviez house, they'd spent several hours trading observations on what they'd witnessed, terrifying each other even more than they already were.

The suicide of that man had rattled Elena deeply, and she'd talked long into the night, speculating about what had caused such a reaction. She'd remained up long after she heard snores coming from Arrafin's cot.

They awoke to bustle and clatter and voices downstairs, and dressing hurriedly, found themselves in time for breakfast. Aubrey and Philip were finishing up, while Nevid was still going with a young man's appetite. Ambrose and Neria bustled about and greeted the women with scowls but served out eggs and roasted cuts and potatoes as Arrafin and Elena seated themselves.

Aubrey and Philip exchanged glances, then the Pavairellean man spoke.

"We're thinking we should go back to the coffee shop, see what else those folks know. I don't think they told us everything."

Elena nodded. "I don't think anybody's told us anything." She glanced at Ambrose and noted how the man's hands shook as he poured tea.

Thumping boots on the stairs and Boyce came into the dining room with a big smile for everyone.

"Exciting night for you folks, I guess."

He crashed into a chair and leaned back, still grinning.

Elena tried to be offended but gave up. Boyce was probably a thief and certainly a liar, but he was just too overwhelmingly charming to stay mad at.

"We could have used your help, Boyce." Philip evidently found Boyce less charming than Elena.

The Gap rogue put his hands behind his head and nodded sagely.

"Well, now, Philip, my lad, I could fetch the contract for you but I swear to you on the grave of my blessed mother there's not a word in it about stomping about in the rain after things what can slaughter our entire company's mounts in one go. But I do hope you had fun. Did you get to shoot your guns at it?"

Philip glowered. "You're not much of a caravan guard now, are you?"

Boyce spread his hands in a gesture of innocence. "It's not much of a caravan anymore, is it? Guess we won't be taking any silver back to the Fort, now will we? Unless you're offering those broad shoulders of yours."

Philip sighed and stood up. "Let's go."

After a moment's hesitation, Aubrey and Nevid rose and the three went out, followed quickly by Arrafin as she wolfed down the last of her breakfast, calling out for them to wait, she just needed to grab her notebooks and a pen and maybe she should bring her maps...

Elena and Boyce grinned at each other.

*****

When Iseut came back she was clutching Trazik, but there was nothing of romance in the girl's shattered face. Elena came over, blinking back tears, and guided the girl to a sofa.

"I'm so sorry. We... we were too slow. Maybe we could have -- "

Vlad cut her off. "Maybe you could have what? Haven't you people been listening to us? There's nothing we can do. You, her, any of us. Nothing."

Aubrey inspected his boots. They were covered in mud.

"I think we should go check out the mines."

Everyone turned to him.

"That's where all this started, right? Let's go down there and see what they found."

Philip was the first to put words to the question all of them were wondering about.

"What about that big white thing? It might be in there somewhere."

Aubrey shrugged. "It just ate two whole parasaurs. It can't be hungry again."

"You people are crazy!" Ilonka shouted, "If that thing doesn't get you, Mara will. Why are you doing this?"

Arrafin put up her hand and smiled at everyone before she spoke. "I'm curious. Aren't you? I want to know what... all this... is about. And how did Mara learn to speak Calegrian? Maybe she IS Calegrian and was imprisoned down there..."

"You're crazy!"

"No, you crazy!"

The last voice was that of a little girl, high-pitched and amused, and everyone jumped at the sound, spinning or twisting about to see the small figure in the doorway.

Ilonka put a hand on her chest and leaned against the counter, closing her eyes in relief.

"You crazy!"

The little girl was not Kishak. It wasn't this Mara that Ilonka and her friends had been telling the newcomers about. She was Yshakan, dark-skinned and with long hair pulled back into intricate braids, dressed in a bright woolen tunic and with mud-covered moccasins. She looked about at all the adults with great satisfaction.

"Hello, Atranztipac."

"Hello!"

The Yshakan girl marched smugly across the room to put a hand on Ilonka's leg. She looked up at the woman and beamed.

"Say hello to our new friends, Atranztipac."

"No!"

Ilonka rolled her eyes. She looked over at the other and explained. "There's a whole tribe of Yshakans that live here, in the shacks across town. They work in the mines, but they don't mix with us much, except for Atranztipac here. She's kind of adopted us."

"No!"

The woman sighed. "She doesn't really speak Imperial Kishak, though, so conversation can get a little strained."

Arrafin, smiling, came over and squatted in front of the Yshakan girl. "Hi there. I'm Arrafin."

Atranztipac punched Arrafin in the face and the Naridic woman fell backwards. Atranztipac seemed very pleased with herself and laughed.

Ilonka smacked the little girl in the head and helped Arrafin back to her feet.

"She likes to fight, too."

"Uh, yeah." Arrafin scowled at Atranztipac and stalked back to her seat, fuming. She didn't realize that the Yshakan child had followed her back to the table until little pudgy reached up and grabbed a half-dozen papers. Arrafin just managed to yank them free, and Atranztipac dodged the Naridic woman's backhand blow easily, chuckling. She noticed Aubrey's rapier and scuttled over, nearly dragging the weapon free before he managed to snap a hand on it and stand up.

"Let's go check it out. We need to know what's down there. What we're dealing with." The others stood and headed for the door.

"I come!" shouted Atranztipac.

"I don't think so."

Ilonka shrugged. "She knows the way up to the mine entrances. Atranztipac, take them to the mine, you understand? The mine."

"No! This way."

Aubrey, Elena, Philip, Nevid and Arrafin passed out into the rain, following Atranztipac's determined stride.
 


Avarice

First Post
Wow this is good, and if the bits and pieces that I remember reading about in other threads are any guide, its only going to get better. I'll second LostSoul. More, please! More! :)
 

Talix

Explorer
Hey Barsoomcore, nice story hour! Usually I'm less interested in non-traditional D&D, but as others have said you've got a really engaging style. :) I look forward to more!
 


barsoomcore

Unattainable Ideal
Tour Packages

Aubrey was happy just to be out of the rain. Water still sluiced past his boots, a steady flow down into the heart of the mine, into the blackness beneath him, but at least he was out of the rain.

He looked up at the shaft entrance, growing smaller and smaller as he descended. Along the rope above him clung his comrades, each of them walking backwards down the forty-five degree slope of the shaft. Except Arrafin, who was too exhausted and just slumped in the harness Aubrey had rigged for her, letting the others carry her insignificant weight downwards. She rummaged in her book bag and complained that it was too dark to read.

Aubrey's torch lit the walls and ceiling of the shaft with dim, flickering redness, but the tunnels to either side remained black and opaque as he went by. Straight to the bottom was their plan, reasoning that since the miners had stopped digging after Yannick uncovered whatever it was that he uncovered, it must have been found at the lowest point in the mine. After a long, long backwards descent, Aubrey saw the base of the shaft appearing out of the gloom behind him.

"Almost there," he called out, "I can see the bottom."

In a few moments they were all standing there, on loose jagged rocks beneath a good six inches of water. Arrafin was shivering from the cold and they hurriedly moved out of the shaft into the narrow tunnel that extended off into the mountainside. Philip lit a torch as well and they made their way along the rough channel, trying not to think about the vast weight of stone pressing down upon them.

"Wait, wait." Elena knelt down, tugging at something in the rocks underfoot. She stood up with a tuft of bushy white hair in her fingers.

What that implied appeared immediately on everyone's faces. Philip looked up, trying to imagine that immense creature forcing its way through this narrow passage. It could just barely fit, he decided, but it couldn't have been very comfortable.

"Well," said Aubrey with his usual bravado, "We'll be able to run much faster than him in this place, I'm sure. And hey, I don't have to run faster than him -- I just have to run faster than Philip."

Everyone chuckled at that and, looking at each other, they all took a deep breath and plunged deeper into the mine.

*****

Gap folks were crazy. Just plain crazy. Ilonka didn't know what else to say, watching Iseut and this Boyce character talking.

The girl's parents and younger brother had just been slaughtered and there she was, talking animatedly about a duel she'd fought when she was thirteen. Boyce didn't seem to think there was anything strange about that.

Crazy.

Trazik looked a little more sour than usual as he joined her at the counter.

"I told you to stay away from her."

Trazik glared. "You told me to go get her, you cow."

"What an impertinent suggestion. Me? I'm the very model of decorum and tact. As if." Ilonka elbowed Trazik in the ribs, unable to keep from grinning.

"Is that your tongue hanging out decorously? You haven't taken your eyes off de Geronton since he came in."

Ilonka's elbow acquired a little more force. But she sighed, watching Boyce's expressive face burst into delight at the finish of Iseut's tale.

"Yeah, he's... okay. You know. For a guy."

"Slut."

"Pig."

Trazik went behind the counter to help himself to some bread, absently putting up the dried dishes as he did so. He looked up to see Ilonka still staring across the shop at Boyce. He recalled kissing her at her front door once, at her insistence, since she was about to go to her first dance and she was sure a boy would try to kiss her and so she needed to practice and... As long as he could remember she had been mooning over other boys and complaining about them to him.

He cut himself two slices of bread and set to toasting them over the stove.

*****

"This looks pretty clear to me, I have to say."

Philip surveyed the spray of stone fragments from the doorway, the tufts of white hair here and there.

"Big and Nasty was in there, our miner friends found the door and boom! out he came."

Nevid considered the doorway, comparing the worked stone of the lintel with the rough chiseling of the mineshaft.

"How did he get in there in the first place? Who made this? How did it end up way down here, in solid rock? This isn't possible."

"Well, let's not stand around here." Now that a mystery had presented itself to her, Arrafin was eager to get moving. She stepped forwards, and was about to clamber through the shattered doorway when Elena, Aubrey and Philip all reached out to stop her.

"Maybe somebody else should go first." Aubrey stepped past her and carried his torch into the darkness beyond.

"Okay, Arrafin, get in here."

*****

In a dank room, filled with smoke and the stink of unwashed bodies, an old man leaned over a bowl that swirled with dark fluid. Chanting voices, faces only half-lit from the sputtering candles. A low, murmuring chant that wound up and down in volume and pitch but never stopped, never slackened.

The old man hissed. "Queen of Serpents, protect us."

A child began crying nearby. The chant wore on. The old man held up a knife.

"Once again your old enemies rise to torment your children. Once again your faithful call upon your wisdom and power. Protect us, Quitzlicoatl. Deliver us from your ancient enemies."

The knife cut flesh. Blood dripped into the bowl.

"Save us!"

*****

"Ooh, pictures."

Arrafin stumbled into the dusty passage and craned her neck to look up at the carving that covered one entire wall. She got so lost in the details of the image that she completely ignored the rest of her friends clambering over the rubble behind her.

"Wow. These are... these are ancient."

Aubrey studied the inches of dust piled along the walls. He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice and partially succeeded. "Really."

There wasn't as much dust as he'd expected, actually, and the few cobwebs up near the ceiling looked as if they'd barely survived a good sweeping.

"Are those claw marks? Those big gouges in the stone?"

Nevid was not panicking. He told himself that over and over again. Not panicking. Just a gigantic monster that carved stone with its toes. Nothing to panic over.

Arrafin gestured irritably at Philip as the big Saijadani moved away, taking his torch with him. He sighed and stood next to the girl, allowing her to start making sketches of the bas-relief carved into the wall. Aubrey, Elena and Nevid continued down the passage, peering into the gloom and following the gouges backwards. Arrafin muttered to herself in Naridic shaking her head.

She had seen carvings very like these before. On the Tukar Frieze, an ancient slab displayed at the Al-Tizim University. One of the few artifacts of the ancient Calegrian empire left. These were Calegrian carvings. In a mine in the north of Lasseux. It wasn't possible.

"Look at these, Philip. See this woman here, with the sticky-outy hair? She shows up here, and here and here. Look at how these people are bowing to her. Those are kings, see the rods? And look, are they dancing around her? What's going on here?"

Philip allowed how he might not be an expert on ancient bas-reliefs.

Elena stopped the others, listening. Nevid nodded and pointed up ahead. They took another few steps forward and the narrow passage opened to the right, the archway nothing more than a field of impenetrable blackness. Looking back, Aubrey could see Isaac standing next to Arrafin as the girl continued sketching like mad. The two torches, his and Isaac's lit only small pools around themselves, and between the two parties stretched a dark gulf where nothing could be seen.

"Well, let's have a look."

The three of them crept up to the archway, the passage continuing past into darkness. They peered into the room beyond.

Three slabs lay stretched out in parallel across the foor, each supporting a withered, rag-wrapped corpse. The torchlight flickered across their skeletal faces, the empty eyesockets filling each of the three explorers with horror.

"They're going to sit up and attack us any second, aren't they? The bastards." Anger was Elena's usual fear management system.

"I'll be bitterly disappointed if they don't." Light-hearted sarcasm was Aubrey's.

"Let's get out of here. This is bad." Nevid lacked a system entirely.

Isaac dropped the torch when he heard yelling erupt from down the hall. He charged down the passage, drawing both pistols and calling out for his friends.

Aubrey was not disappointed. The bodies, all three of them, sat up and lurched forward as expected. The one he fired his pistol at did not seem much incommoded by the ball, which passed straight through the brittle body and ricochetted off the far wall. Elena drew her sword and hacked at a reaching limb, backing away with a shriek of disgust. Isaac burst in and charged one, driving the dessicated thing backwards. The talons of its fingers clawed at his face in frenzied scrabbling, slicing open one cheek and drawing a curse as he let go with both guns into the thing's head.

Skull fragments blew across the room and Isaac turned to see both Aubrey and Elena being driven back by the other two horrors. He took a step and then reeled as long claws dug into his waist. He looked over his shoulder in shock as the corpse he'd just explosively beheaded took another swipe at him.

Nevid's terror vanished the instant the things sat up. He never considered drawing his sword, since he barely knew which end of it to stick in his opponent. He stepped aside as Isaac came in, and noted how little effect swords and pistols were having. Deliberately, but with great economy of movement, he slipped a coil of fine silk rope out of his shoulder bag, watching the battle as he did so.

Aubrey and Elena retreated to a corner of the room, helping each other hold the things at bay. Elena had a bad cut on her arm and neither of them seemed to be able to do much damage to their undead opponents. Isaac's big heavy sword seemed more effective, and he was methodically chopping his enemy into bits.

With two steps Nevid crossed to where Aubrey and Elena were, the two creatures with their backs to him as they silently reached out for his friends. He made a wide loop in the rope and threw it over the two, then yanked backwards with all his strength.

All Nevid's strength wasn't very much, but he weighed enough that he was able to drag them a few steps back. Elena got enough room to wind up properly then and nearly chopped one in half, and by then Isaac had joined them, and between the lot of them they managed to bash the things into inert splinters of bone. The four victors looked round at each other, eyes a little wild.

Aubrey grinned. "If that's the worse this place has for me, I may move in."

Arrafin screamed from out in the hall.

"I'll check the plumbing first, of course."
 

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