Best Bad Guy Threat

[Eosin the Red]

A player challanges one of the nobles to fight - Said noble looks to his infamous bodyguard casually walking off while the one-eyed, no-teeth, half-my-face has been burned off mercenary warrior makes for the noble knight.

PC: "When I am through with your dog I am coming to kill you."

Vascilly the Merc: "When I am through with you I am gonna @#&! in the @%%."

[Eric'c grandma and all]

Noble player's jaw hits the table.. Noble player starts getting really worried. Noble character gets beat into unconsciousness....Noble player forced to leave room while I resolve the scene....Noble player comes up stairs and simply says "AM I still a virgin?"

 

[Angel Tarragon]

Two Words: Szass Tam

 

[carpedavid]

From a note sent by the general of the enemy army to the PCs (who had stolen his airship):

"To those who stole my airship,
I'm a bit busy at the moment, but when your emperor's head is on a pike outside your castle walls, I'm going to hunt you down, torture you, kill you, and then defile your bodies.
Ta for now,
--D"

 

[Tatsukun]

Big Barbarian PC with lots of intimidate, and his friend the fighter are trying to get some information out of a (just) defeated BBEG. They demand info, the BBEG says nothing.

Fighter: What, can't you hear me? (Yells) HELLO !
Barbarian: (Always yelling) Well, BOY, I'm gonna have to rip your ears off and put 'em in your back pockets, SO YOU CAN HEAR ME KICKING YOUR #^@ ! !

It was such a great line the DM (me) had the BBEG told them what they wanted to know.

-Tatsu

 

[Razz0putin]

It was vampire game and my first character had died trying an experimental cure. So my second character was an older connected vamp who was responsible for some new vamps. Well one of these new vamps who had recently created a familiar pet by the name of chopper (it had a viscious bite) out of her pinkie. She came into my characters club and threatened my characters wife with becoming a vamp. I called for a car and had a talk with the character and explained that if she had a problem with one of my people to bring it to me and I'll deal with them. I told her my people are very dear to me as someone has become very dear to you. It was really great because she didn't get who I meant and looked at me puzzled until the realization ....CHOPPER!.

it's one of my treasured gaming memories all of it done without a dice rolled
p.s. I'm normally not so viscious, just getting into the spirit of vampire

 

[Hand of Evil]

Succubus to male paladin:
I am going to put you over my knee and spank you, then I am going to make you cry like a little girl. We will see where that takes us.

Gor'domass - Evil Wizard:
Ha, you think you defeated me but everything has been planned and my death will release terror ten fold and it is all your fault! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaa..... (worried the party for some time )

 

[Kemrain]

Succubus to male paladin:
I am going to put you over my knee and spank you, then I am going to make you cry like a little girl. We will see where that takes us.

You're my hero.

- Kemrain the [Evil].

 

[Jesus_marley]

This one requires a little background.

I had a fighter character who was under a Geas that prevented him from attacking anyone who did not attack him first. Once he was attacked he was free to fight his attacker and only his attacker. Made for some interesting battles to say the least.... anyway, in the chamber of the BBEG after the obligatory monologue, my character steps forward and says,

"Your insignificance is truly astounding. I'm going to leave now and come back when you are worth my time."

This of course pissed off the BBEG and thus caused him to attack me. I then killed him.

 

[Mishihari Lord]

Succubus to male paladin:
I am going to put you over my knee and spank you, then I am going to make you cry like a little girl. We will see where that takes us.)

For some reason this makes me think of Sepulchrave's story hour ...

 

[Shemeska]

I never bothered with actual threats. My bad guys just took actions. At various times that involved blowing up the Fortune's Wheel tavern in Sigil along with most of the patrons inside, including one of the PCs, or another time they poisoned the wine in the tavern owned by the PCs and killed about 40 odd people.

This doesn't include the two different attempted assassinations, the kidnapping of the kobold PC and dragging her to Carceri where much hilarity ensued. And by hilarity I mean realizing that you're naked, in Carceri's 2nd layer without protection from acid, and so you learn real quick how to dive back into the sack you just escaped from.