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Character assistance: Pun lines


WARNING: Thread contains lots of awful puns.

For an upcoming oneshot, I want to play a fun character. The character is a magical spear, which is being wielded by a warforged the spear treats as its "mount". The spear only cares about two things: fighting and making puns, as these are a form of verbal dominance--its ego needs it to draw attention to itself, and it does this with puns. The warforged is responsible for everything else, which the spear considers too boring to pay attention to. (The WF is the duo's long-suffering straight man, who doesn't quite understand humor but gets it's incredibly annoying to otherts.)

I need help coming up with some pun lines. The spear only does puns relating to polearms (because all other weapons are inferior), and puns relating to electricity (since it's enchanted with lightning). I am intentionally avoiding the "this is shocking" or "electrifying", as that's a bit too telegraphed, even for me. Things like...

"If we are to battle, let us send them an en-glaived invitation."
"Many find my humor re-volting."
"This will be a learning e-spear-eance."
"Charging comes naturally to me."
"My precision allows for a surge-ical strike."

The spear's official name is Brilliant Lance, or Bril-Lance, but just Lance for short.
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Your emotions are beginning to boil, I may have to 'Lance' them.
Pay no attention to the man behind the spear.
Leave, or I shall pun you a second time.
I see you have gotten my 'point'.


"You're nothing but a piker!"
"Oh please, spear me the theatrics!"
"Ohm my my - is that all you've got?"
"You'll get a real charge out of this one!"
"Don't worry, I won't repeat my electrical puns - I try to keep them all current!"
"That's it - you're grounded!"
"Should I make you my next kill o' what?"
"Resistance is futile!"
"This is a glaive undertaking!"
"I didn't want to keep you waiting on my attacks, so I spetum up!"
"I fauchard dumb brother, now I'll fight you!"



Staff member
“Deus volt!”
“Did I hurt you? Watt are you going to do about it?”
”Fighting against me will be most…enLIGHTNING!”
”Is that the guy we fought last week?” “Assegai!”


Staff member
“…to boltly go where no spear has gone before…”

”I have a cousin who sings, you know. You may have heard of him- Hal? Hal Bard?”

“Invisibility, eh? I hate it when foes dis a spear.”

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