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Character Description Discrepancy
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<blockquote data-quote="DMZ2112" data-source="post: 8936549" data-attributes="member: 78752"><p>I opened my post by saying how difficult it was to read the situation given only the one-sided information provided, but I disagree that there isn't a strong suggestion of bullying here. Why does this keep coming up, when it is so obviously triggering to one of the players? How hard is it to simply not refer to a single PC wearing glasses in the fiction? This is a well-marked path in a field full of land mines, and someone is choosing to step on mines.</p><p></p><p>This situation looks ridiculous and like it stems from neurodivergence because it's about glasses. Would it still be ridiculous if the glasses were replaced by a more common trigger? </p><p></p><p>To pick something lurid out of recent D&D headlines, if Edward had chosen to play a hadozee, because he liked the aesthetics and mechanics, and the dungeon master and other players kept leaning into the race's enslaved history in regards to Edward's character, despite his obvious discomfort, would it still be unreasonable to complain?</p><p></p><p>I know someone is going to complain about that analogy, so let me be clear that I'm not "making this about racism." It's simply a question of self-image, start to finish, and we consider some elements of self-image more sacred than others. Our characters are our characters, and it sucks to have their identities dictated to us. To me, and in the absence of more information, Occam's Razor suggests Edward is just a socially awkward guy at the end of his rope.</p><p></p><p></p><p>With respect, it isn't your place to tell me how I feel, and I'll thank you to not do so.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I absolutely do know what triggers this. People at his table are repeatedly enforcing a perception of his character that he does not enjoy! I'm in total agreement that his reaction is unacceptable and must be addressed, <em>but it is a reaction</em>, and I find the idea that he is acting in a vacuum bizarre, and as ignorant of the presented facts as you are suggesting I am.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Fully agreed, and I felt like I'd addressed this in my post. I further felt like [USER=6684958]@bloodtide[/USER] had already dismissed the possibility of addressing it directly with the player, but that would certainly be part of any solution I would try.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is really a bridge too far. Edward isn't denigrating other folks at the table for wearing glasses, or suggesting the nearsighted or astigmatic should simply suffer without aid. These aren't even corrective lenses, they're a tool, like a welder's mask or a jeweler's loupe.</p><p></p><p>If you wear glasses, then I suspect you understand how they become a part of one's identity. After 35 years of wearing glasses, I can't correct my vision perfectly with them anymore, as I have developed a medical condition in addition to my astigmatism that requires contacts. So I wear glasses without corrective lenses in addition to my contacts, because I don't recognize myself without them. Why should the opposite not be true for some people with naturally perfect vision? </p><p></p><p></p><p>People have limits. Empathy does not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DMZ2112, post: 8936549, member: 78752"] I opened my post by saying how difficult it was to read the situation given only the one-sided information provided, but I disagree that there isn't a strong suggestion of bullying here. Why does this keep coming up, when it is so obviously triggering to one of the players? How hard is it to simply not refer to a single PC wearing glasses in the fiction? This is a well-marked path in a field full of land mines, and someone is choosing to step on mines. This situation looks ridiculous and like it stems from neurodivergence because it's about glasses. Would it still be ridiculous if the glasses were replaced by a more common trigger? To pick something lurid out of recent D&D headlines, if Edward had chosen to play a hadozee, because he liked the aesthetics and mechanics, and the dungeon master and other players kept leaning into the race's enslaved history in regards to Edward's character, despite his obvious discomfort, would it still be unreasonable to complain? I know someone is going to complain about that analogy, so let me be clear that I'm not "making this about racism." It's simply a question of self-image, start to finish, and we consider some elements of self-image more sacred than others. Our characters are our characters, and it sucks to have their identities dictated to us. To me, and in the absence of more information, Occam's Razor suggests Edward is just a socially awkward guy at the end of his rope. With respect, it isn't your place to tell me how I feel, and I'll thank you to not do so. I absolutely do know what triggers this. People at his table are repeatedly enforcing a perception of his character that he does not enjoy! I'm in total agreement that his reaction is unacceptable and must be addressed, [I]but it is a reaction[/I], and I find the idea that he is acting in a vacuum bizarre, and as ignorant of the presented facts as you are suggesting I am. Fully agreed, and I felt like I'd addressed this in my post. I further felt like [USER=6684958]@bloodtide[/USER] had already dismissed the possibility of addressing it directly with the player, but that would certainly be part of any solution I would try. This is really a bridge too far. Edward isn't denigrating other folks at the table for wearing glasses, or suggesting the nearsighted or astigmatic should simply suffer without aid. These aren't even corrective lenses, they're a tool, like a welder's mask or a jeweler's loupe. If you wear glasses, then I suspect you understand how they become a part of one's identity. After 35 years of wearing glasses, I can't correct my vision perfectly with them anymore, as I have developed a medical condition in addition to my astigmatism that requires contacts. So I wear glasses without corrective lenses in addition to my contacts, because I don't recognize myself without them. Why should the opposite not be true for some people with naturally perfect vision? People have limits. Empathy does not. [/QUOTE]
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