D&D General Character Description Discrepancy

[bloodtide]

So right be fore the start of the Sunday game, one player handed out the character drawings she had made for each player character. Everything was fine, until she got to Edward. She drew Edwards character, Eldon the Elf, with glasses. Ed complained about this and started to make a scene. As it was before the game I took no action. Edward was mostly settled down by the time the game started. But it's not the first time Edward has complained about his characters glasses, and I don't want this to be a problem.

So Edwards character, Eldron the Elf, is an elven fighter/wizard. He likes to detect magic a lot. So a couple weeks ago, his character found a pair of Spectacles of Magic Detecting. So, now while wearing the glasses his character can detect magic at will.

Except Edward hates glasses. Specifically he will complain that his elven fighter/wizard "looks dumb" wearing glasses.

So this is not a mechanical problem. My house rules are harsh about characters having items get knocked off, grabbed, lost, stolen, or destroyed. So Edward is very careful to not adventure or get in combat with the glasses. It does come up in role play though. He will keep the glasses on his character, so he can use them, but then gets upset if another player or myself mentions the glasses in-character. Then Edward can be upset for hours, disrupting the game play.

So Edward is an early 20 something, and I don't know him at all. His group came to me and asked for me to DM for them. I don't know him outside of the game, and don't have much of a way to "talk" to him. We are generations apart, so we don't hang out. And he does not wear glasses.

My standard solution for this type of thing would just to take away the glasses in-game and, maybe, give him a replacement Headband of Magic Detecting...and not say anything about it. Though I wonder if others have had a problem like this? What else could be done? Anyone have any idea why the glasses on his fictional character bothers him so much?

 

[iserith]

Only Edward knows why he hates glasses so much, so ask him next time you see him, if you need to know. But really, he can just not use the item if he thinks they make his character look dumb. This doesn't seem to me me to be a problem that you need to take steps to resolve in game.

He also seems rather ungrateful for the time the artist spent on creating art for his character. That doesn't strike me as someone I'd want to be around.

 

[Charlaquin]

If he hates glasses that much he could just… let someone else in the party use them. But man, what a bizarre thing to be so hung up about.

 

[Clint_L]

Only Edward knows why he hates glasses so much, so ask him next time you see him, if you need to know. But really, he can just not use the item if he thinks they make his character look dumb. This doesn't seem to me me to be a problem that you need to take steps to resolve in game.

He also seems rather ungrateful for the time the artist spent on creating art for his character. That doesn't strike me as someone I'd want to be around.

I dunno about that last part. Given that he had previously been vocal about it, this read to me like the artist was either intentionally trying to provoke him or else pretty oblivious. If the former then they are the problem and you should confront them about their bullying behaviour. If the latter, then they will probably feel bad and want to change the drawing.

Definitely talk to Edward and try to figure out the story. I have quite a few players on the autism spectrum, and this is exactly the kind of thing that could really bother them, and they might well react in the way you describe. What is really harmed by making it so the glasses are invisible, or just acknowledging that he puts them on when the situation calls for it and otherwise is assumed to have taken them off?

That’s assuming that Edward is generally cool to play with. Are there other issues? If not, then who cares about his glasses thing. It’s not hurting anyone.

 

[EzekielRaiden]

Edward needs to lighten up. The person who drew Edward with the glasses actually on his face probably should have known better. You, as DM, should have intervened waaaay earlier, if Edward has been making a scene and disrupting the game every time other players even mention the glasses.

ESH.

 

[Clint_L]

Edward needs to lighten up.

Not necessarily. There might be good reasons why this particular thing bothers him. If he has ASD he can’t just lighten up.

 

[Scribe]

I wonder often, how some people get through the day.

 

[EzekielRaiden]

Not necessarily. There might be good reasons why this particular thing bothers him. If he has ASD he can’t just lighten up.

ASD is not an excuse to regularly and frequently disrupt the gaming group at the mere mention of something that one finds bothersome or frustrating. It is a reason why alternate means of addressing the issue might be warranted, sure. But it is not an excuse for the bad behavior described here.

 

[DMZ2112]

It's hard to really make a judgment call about the situation based on what you've described of your perspective of the situation -- I think there are a lot of unknowns here, not the least of which is the nature of Edward's relationship with the other players outside of the game, which you acknowledge you'd have no way of knowing.

Reading between the lines, it sounds to me like there is some degree of bullying going on; if Edward's reactions are really as dramatic as you claim, why would anyone continue to bait him other than for the purposes of getting a rise?

In light of that, I think the easiest solution would just be to retcon the spectacles into an item with identical function that doesn't set Edward off. Why beg the consequence?

We've all got hangups about one thing or another. I remember being not much younger than Edward and feeling forced to play in a group that insisted on characterizing my character in a certain way that I found distasteful, if I wanted to get in any play time at all. To a greater or lesser extent, we're all at the table to pretend we are someone else, and having that projection undermined isn't fun.

I may not understand why Edward hates glasses so much, but it isn't challenging for me to extrapolate his dissatisfaction to any number of characterizations that we might better understand as negative, and it doesn't require him to be neurodivergent or even unreasonable.

I wonder often, how some people get through the day.

I wonder often what has happened to some people to make them so devoid of empathy.

 

[Oofta]

So someone spends time and effort drawing portraits. Something they didn't need to do, something they thought would be cool and fun for the group. She accurately depicts one of the characters with a magic item the character constantly uses. The player then freaks out.

You need to sit down with the person that is complaining and explain to them that they are being a monumental jerk. The gal did this special thing for the group that required time and talent. He should apologize to the gal and grow up.

 

[Ruin Explorer]

Reading between the lines, it sounds to me like there is some degree of bullying going on; if Edward's reactions are really as dramatic as you claim, why would anyone continue to bait him other than for the purposes of getting a rise?

That's not "reading between the lines", that's inventing an entirely fantastical and bizarre explanation that the OP doesn't even hint at.

It's not even reasonable as a belief given his behaviour and the situation.

I wonder often what has happened to some people to make them so devoid of empathy.

I mean, you're not "showing empathy", you're making an explanation up (not even a plausible one!) and then seemingly trying to guilt trip people on that basis. There's a big difference. And this person is being rude and disruptive, and is an adult.

Given that Edward is clearly quite open and rude about this, and stays upset whilst playing, he doesn't sound at all like someone who is the victim of "bullying" by anyone involved to me. He sounds like someone with a serious social issue - which may well be caused by neurodiversity, but is still something he needs to manage. Especially given he's in his 20s, not a child.

In light of that, I think the easiest solution would just be to retcon the spectacles into an item with identical function that doesn't set Edward off.

I've met people like this - who were got upset and stayed upset about odd things, and in most cases it was related to neurodiverse conditions, particularly ASD, and assuming that you could fix it simply by changing it to another item, in that case, is foolishness, because you don't know what triggers this. He may well be just as upset by a headband or whatever. The OP needs to talk to him and find out what the issue actually is.

And also, sometimes people are just really picky and they're not even neurodiverse. Like they've got an incredibly narrow conception of what's okay for their character, to the point where it may be a mismatch for the in-game fiction. I played with a guy (briefly) once, and he was not neurodiverse, but like, if his character got in any way dirty/bloody (even through his own actions) he'd just refuse to accept it, because he had this anime-character-esque vision of the PC. It didn't match at all well with the kinda-gritty Shadowrun campaign we were running.

 

[iserith]

I dunno about that last part. Given that he had previously been vocal about it, this read to me like the artist was either intentionally trying to provoke him or else pretty oblivious. If the former then they are the problem and you should confront them about their bullying behaviour. If the latter, then they will probably feel bad and want to change the drawing.

If he doesn't like his character wearing glasses, then why does he have his character wear glasses? Clearly being able to detect magic at will is more important to the player than the character wearing glasses. I don't think the problem is a bullying artist here, who devoted some of her valuable time to creating art for this player.

 

[Tales and Chronicles]

Would it be better if the glasses were tinted or if they were more like gadgeteer's goggles?

and I mean...I wear my glasses constantly (not in battle, I rarely engage in battle) and I dont look dumb!

...do I ?

 

[bedir than]

As a glasses wearer I would leave this table and never come back. If someone is going to act like my physical condition is such a bad look I don't need to be around it

 

[Mad_Jack]

The only viable solution to this is just to straight up ask him why the glasses bother him so much and ask what you can do to help the situation. If you have his contact email, that might be a better way to do it than asking in person, since he'll have time to consider his answer rather than answering while he's still defensive about having the issue brought up at all.

On a larger scale, is there anyone in the group you could go to to get a better picture of the social dynamics of the group outside of the game and maybe a bit of background on Edward that might shine a light on his current reactions, specifically someone you're sure won't immediately broadcast the conversation to the rest of the group?

 

[EzekielRaiden]

Would it be better if the glasses were tinted or if they were more like gadgeteer's goggles?

and I mean...I wear my glasses constantly (not in battle, I rarely engage in battle) and I dont look dumb!

...do I ?

No, you don't. As a friend of mine said when I discussed this with them: There's some shades of ableism here from Edward, because glasses are a form of disability assistance device. Getting all hung up on "glasses make me look stupid" isn't a great look when 30%-40% of Americans (I don't have worldwide statistics) need corrective lenses of some kind to treat their nearsightedness, and a large number of older Americans use reading glasses to treat age-related farsightedness.

 

[Scribe]

I wonder often what has happened to some people to make them so devoid of empathy.

Empathy has its limits. Understanding can be reached, say if there was some bullying and this guy is scared by it, but empathy over such things? Nah.

 

[Clint_L]

ASD is not an excuse to regularly and frequently disrupt the gaming group at the mere mention of something that one finds bothersome or frustrating. It is a reason why alternate means of addressing the issue might be warranted, sure. But it is not an excuse for the bad behavior described here.

Actually, ASD is very much a valid REASON, not excuse, why a player might be triggered by one specific thing. You are writing as if this is a choice the player is making, as if they are being bad. Neither you nor I is in that group and we do not have all the information, since the DM admits to not having much information about this player. So you are making a lot of assumptions here.

In the real world, neuro-divergent folks deal with a variety of challenges, none of which can be solved by simply expecting them to make a different choice. If that is the case here, then calling his behaviour something that needs an excuse is only going to prevent finding an actual solution.

 

[DEFCON 1]

As is usually the case in something like this... the middle ground is where we can go and settle in, without going out to the extreme end either way to make Edward into a massive a-hole, or the rest of the group into massive a-holes.

This young man doesn't like glasses for whatever reason. That's fine. They don't have to. And if everyone knows he doesn't like them, then they don't need to harass him or bring it up. Likewise, Edward doesn't have to act like a jerk when given a portrait of their character... even though we don't yet know the motivation of the young woman who drew Edward's elf (if she knew Edward hated glasses and his character wearing glasses and she drew the character that way anyway, or if it was just an honest mistake that she didn't think about.)

So whatever the reason is... easiest thing to do is change the item to a headband as you say (or "goggles" or a "visor" or anything else that he might be fine with.) It doesn't matter in the least what form the item is... so if it saves everyone the hassle of possibly getting Edward upset... then there is nothing lost for just swapping the item's form. It doesn't have to be a big deal, it doesn't even need to have attention called to it. Just do it and everything will hopefully work itself out.

As far as "why" it's an issue? Doesn't matter. It just is. But there's no reason for anyone to go all amateur-psychologist here trying to figure it out.

 

[Clint_L]

So someone spends time and effort drawing portraits. Something they didn't need to do, something they thought would be cool and fun for the group. She accurately depicts one of the characters with a magic item the character constantly uses. The player then freaks out.

You need to sit down with the person that is complaining and explain to them that they are being a monumental jerk. The gal did this special thing for the group that required time and talent. He should apologize to the gal and grow up.

No!

No no no no no!

Do NOT do that, unless your goal is to create drama and completely alienate Edward from the group.

First, do we know we are dealing with children here? That is not stipulated by the OP, but if that is the case than a number of additional issues come into play.

But one thing we know for sure is that Edward drew a very clear boundary, and this person violated it. It is possible that she was acting kindly and made a mistake. Perhaps she has her own cognitive reasons why she did not pick up on his VERY CLEAR signals. Given the description of the original situation, I think there is a strong chance that she was making a point and her action was a form of bullying behaviour, intended to aggravate Edward. If that is the case, then she is the person who needs the intervention, but framed in constructive terms.

And if we are talking about children, telling them to "grow up" is not really very useful, is it?

The place to start is by getting as much information as you can. The OP admits knowing very little about the overall situation, so you never start taking action until you know what is going on.

At the end of the day, whether or not Edward's character needs to be depicted as wearing the glasses is trivial in itself. Slow down, find out exactly what is going on, and proceed with sensitivity and caution.