D&D General Character Description Discrepancy

[bloodtide]

@bloodtide
INFO 1: Did Edward express his dislike of glasses PIOR to being given the magical glasses?
INFO 2: Did Edward express his dislike of glasses PIOR to having the art of his character drawn?

One: No. He never said anything about glasses at all.
Two: Yes. It was only minutes after he got them when he contemned that "it looks dumb for elven fighter/wizards is wear glasses", but it was a much more light comment. Though he has said it a lot of times after that.

I'm pretty sure the artist did not mean to start anything. I don't think Edward has a thing against all glasses. And I would have no idea if Edward has any condition.

I'll talk with Edward before the next game.

Thanks for all the insights.

 

[Rabulias]

No, he is not. Read the OP again. Edward is saying that he does not want his character wearing glasses. No reason is given. Probably it is because that is not how he pictures his character in his head. At no point is he described as saying that glasses look stupid or anything like that.

Let's go to the tape. Here from the original post (emphasis mine):

Except Edward hates glasses. Specifically he will complain that his elven fighter/wizard "looks dumb" wearing glasses.

 

[MGibster]

If he hates glasses that much he could just… let someone else in the party use them. But man, what a bizarre thing to be so hung up about.

Girls don't make passes at guys in glasses!

 

[aco175]

I used to have a role at the college where I needed to go into student rooms and deal with maintenance problems. They are college- aged people and supposed to be adults, but were mostly kids, somewhere along the line of becoming adults. There might be a problem with a mouse or something and I would have to tell them to take out their trash and not be the dirty apartment. Some of them would smell and I would need to drop a hint of taking a shower every other day. You try to be cool with it, but some do not catch on and then I would get a call from mon asking why her kid is being called Stinky or Pigpen.

Point is that not everyone is as grown up as one would like and there might be a problem. Some problems are actual problems, like having autism and not reading the social clues, but some problems are just being a jerk and not being clued in. His parents should have raised him better if it is the latter. At your game though, you may need to take him aside and be the parent a bit so the others do not call him Stinky.

 

[bedir than]

One: No. He never said anything about glasses at all.
Two: Yes. It was only minutes after he got them when he contemned that "it looks dumb for elven fighter/wizards is wear glasses", but it was a much more light comment. Though he has said it a lot of times after that.

I'm pretty sure the artist did not mean to start anything. I don't think Edward has a thing against all glasses. And I would have no idea if Edward has any condition.

I'll talk with Edward before the next game.

Thanks for all the insights.

It's pretty brave to share difficult DMing conversations and listen to widely different feedback. Well done and good luck

 

[Oofta]

No, he is not. Read the OP again. Edward is saying that he does not want his character wearing glasses. No reason is given. Probably it is because that is not how he pictures his character in his head. At no point is he described as saying that glasses look stupid or anything like that. That is something that folks here are making up, probably because they are making assumptions based on their own ignorance of the situation, and they are trying to make his motivations fit their world view of why people do things. He just doesn't want glasses on HIS character. It's his aesthetic choice.

A lot of neuro-divergent people, kids especially, will get stuck on exactly an issue like this. They have an image, and that is how they want it, full stop. And he has made this clear. The person who drew the picture either failed to register this, which seems unlikely given how the situation was described, or chose to ignore it. Either way, she violated his boundary. If she did it innocently, then quietly explain why Edward is upset - he stated a strong boundary, and she accidentally violated it. If, as seems likely, her action was intentional, then she is being a bully. In neither situation does Edward owe her an apology.

Obviously if Edward is saying that glasses look stupid in general or anything like that, then it is a different situation than the one described and would be handled differently. Though again, I would be mindful that Edward might have some other issues going on and would strive to resolve the issue through de-escalation.

In my Sith kid example above, he was obviously stuck on an idea for his character that totally didn't fit with the scenario...but so what? Was I supposed to derail the whole game out of my insistence that his hexblade couldn't look like a lightsaber or something? We just had a quiet conversation and resolved it to his satisfaction.

Again, I am startled by the failure to even attempt empathy for Edward in this situation. People keep writing from their own perspective - after all the situation is not a big deal to you, so what is this guy's problem? Try to get the facts before rushing to judgment, and consider that there is a good chance that you are wrong. I am hopeful that folks are writing out of ignorance, having not played with a lot of young folks, or folks with cognitive differences.

As a parent of a child with autism, I cannot express how deeply hurtful it is when people make assumptions about behaviours that they do not understand. The Edward situation is exactly like something my kid might do if he got stuck, and what I am reading here is that folks think he should in effect be punished, bullied, humiliated, ostracized for something that he cannot control and could be easily de-escalated.

It feels like you're projecting here. The player is a 20 something, not a child. He said glasses look dumb. There is no reason to believe that Edward is neuro divergent.

The DM's duty to the group includes running a game that is hopefully enjoyable and to deal with problematic players that are causing issues. They are not a counselor.

I've suggested that he talk to the player because they're being a jerk towards another player. It should be done out of gametime, and be a conversation (even if by text) between the DM and Edward. That is in no way bullying or humiliating Edward. It's pointing out that their actions are hurtful to the person that made the drawings.

It's never good when you have to get to the point where you have to have "the talk" with someone, but sometimes people are just a-holes and need to accept that certain behaviors are unacceptable for the benefit of everyone else at the table. If there's any bullying being done here, it feels like Edward is the one doing it.