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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Clint_L" data-source="post: 8936782" data-attributes="member: 7035894">I find the lack of empathy in this conversation to be startling.Everyone has a different perspective, and judging others by what makes sense to us, especially when we lack almost all the essential information, is how you make serious mistakes. The first thing you learn as a teacher (and, cards on the table, parent of a child with autism) is to check your assumptions and find out as much as you can before taking decisive action. Otherwise you are very likely to make the situation worse.Looking at this from Edward's perspective, all we know is that he has a strong boundary around this one particular issue. We don't know what the reasons are, and so we cannot assume that his reasons are not valid. We don't know what happened to create the particular hangup. We don't know if he has been frequently teased. We don't know if he is neuro-divergent in a way that can cause him to get stuck on thoughts that seem irrational to others.In most scenarios, a person, particularly a child, reacting strongly to something that seems innocuous means that there is another issue at play. So scolding them or telling them to grow up or whatever will just make the situation worse (I assume the intent, as the responsible adult, is to make the situation better).In the long run, your response will vary. In the short run, based on limited information, the correct response is simple: assume that Edward has valid reasons for drawing this boundary. Respect the boundary. Edward is not asking for something difficult; all you have to do is stop forcing the glasses idea on him. Speak to the group about respecting boundaries, whatever they are, and regardless of whether they make sense to us.In the long run, your response depends on the relationship and your own qualifications. Most of us are qualified to be good listeners, if we try, so do that. Don't try to use what you think are common sense solutions; these are usually derived from pop psychology. Are you experienced in working through these situations? Do you have specific credentials or training? If not, then you deal with the situation as unobtrusively as possible and then share the situation with someone who is more qualified (e.g. a school counsellor, a parent, etc.).In every situation, your goal is to de-escalate and help the person feel safe. Then find a solution. Many of the suggestions being thrown out here would do the opposite.Slow things down. Listen. Respect your own limitations. You're not trying to win, you're trying to solve a problem.</blockquote>

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