Classic Lines from Players

[Creamsteak]

The classic one is, "Alright, I touch it."

Doesn't matter if the monster eats your arm, the slime destroys your gauntlets, or you get teleported to hell. It can be an orb of annihilation for all I care... but never... ever... ever touch anything suspicious in a Gygax adventure.

 

[Falconnan]

Falconnan, the wizard whose name I use, was drawn up for 2E. I converted him to 3E. Anyway, when converted, I took Improved Unarmed Strike. I thought I was just being goofy with this until . . .

Ravenloft. A group of rogue knights (rogue the adjective, mind you) attacked our party, believing that since I was a wizard, we must be behind the murders taking place in town.

After I refused to surrender, and since I was unarmed, the knight came after me. Since he was going to bull rush me, I got an attack of opportunity. Being unarmed, the DM assumed that my AoO would provoke one-Nope. I declared "I punch him in the head". I rolled a nat 20. On the crit conf. I rolled another nat. 20. We played with the instant kill/KO rule-If, after 2 natural 20's I rolled a hit, he was out, failing a fort save 20+damage.

Picture painted-Big, tough, armored knight charges skinny, short, puny wizard.
Wizard punches out knight.
Wizard turns to knight's friends and says "If that impresses you, wait til I start casting."
They ran. The DM was just shaking his head.

 

[Thanee]

This is from a d20 Modern game. After hitting a minotaur with a stun gun to no effect, the player says "I use Heroic Surge to run away."

Hehehe. Must have been a smart hero, or fast hero, or both?

Bye
Thanee

 

[Aeric]

I posted this one in another "classic quotes" thread a while back, but it bears repeating....

The party of adventurers enters the main hall of a mysteriously deserted town. In the hall is a throne; on the throne is the corpse of a man. Not undead, mind you, just the regular kind (dead).

Clutched in the corpse's hand is a note. The rogue in the group retrieves the note and reads it to the party, after which she solemly states:

"He must have written this before he died."



...as opposed to...after????

 

[fba827]

Hehehe. Must have been a smart hero, or fast hero, or both?

Bye
Thanee

Whichever it is, in either case, it's a live hero

 

[RithTheAwakener]

Back in the day of the Isle of Dread, and 2nd edition, we were in a jam. Something near the entrance of the main temple on the island was a trap with oil and fire and the like, and something that drained levels. Our barbarian sets off every trap in sight before myself(the rogue) could disarm them. We were pretty pissed cause he was the only one that didnt get drained, so we walk upstairs, and the barbarian is first. He opens the door, sees and chest, and runs to it. The DM said "You see a few scrolls of restoration in the chest" and the barbarian screams "Scrolls?! I tear them apart!". Unfortunately for us, we didnt go first, because he opened the chest, sees a few scrolls, and tears them to pieces. Everybody in the group just looked at him and were at a loss for words, and he has yet to live it down. Any time we run across a powerful item we just say "oh look, a Holy Avenger! I tear it apart!"

 

[KenM]

An old FASA Star Trek game, used percentile rolls:
" I rolled a 99, do I disarm the mine?"

A couple of other classics:
"They are only Kolbolds" and "We have enough healing potions"

 

[Thanee]

“I have a bad feeling about this.”



Bye
Thanee

 

[Thanee]

“There are only four entrances, we are four, let's surrounded them!”

Speaking of a major city (yes, the characters had some megalomaniac tendencies going for them).

Bye
Thanee

 

[drakhe]

Same thing happened to me...

The classic one is, "Alright, I touch it."

Doesn't matter if the monster eats your arm, the slime destroys your gauntlets, or you get teleported to hell. It can be an orb of annihilation for all I care... but never... ever... ever touch anything suspicious in a Gygax adventure.

Here I am, first level wizard/rogue (the game is adnd and we're using a multiclass system where we divide XP over the two classes), a wood-elf in Forgotten realms. The party is preparing to defend a village and I'm going back to that crazy wizard's tower to seek his aid. On our previous visit we notice several very lifelike wooden statues in his tower, one of dog, standing in front of a mirror. When I go back, the tower seems deserted and the door is open. Error One: never ever trust a wizard to leave his door open without precautions. So I enter and can't find the wizard. I pass by the mirror again, but the dog's statue in front of it is gone. Then I look into the mirror and instead of seeing my reflection, I see a meadow with the dog happily running arround chasing butterlies. "What's that dog doing in the mirror?" would then be my famous last line, for I commit error number tow: don't ever touch weird mirrors (lest ye be sucked into entropy)