Classic Lines from Players

[Sejs]

Pc: OKay, I've got Spider Climb from Saan (the party druid) - I'll just scramble up the wall, secure the grappling hook up top and lower the rope back down for the rest of the party.

Dm: Sound good. Give me a quick Use Rope check to secure the hook, and you're set. *player succeeds, and the rest of the party climbs up the rope to sit atop the curtain wall with the Pc*

Pc: Cool, now I'll gather up the rope and toss it and the grapple over the other side of the wall.

Dm: *looks at the Pc for a moment, cocking an eyebrow* ...Clang.

Pc: *realizing what they just said, slapping their forehead* Damnit!

 

[RichCsigs]

"Oh, wonderful! Now I have to rely on skanks if I want to live!"

Funny, me too!

Note I got from a DM: "you are no longer a PC"

What the heck did you do that this happened?

 

[GandhitheBFG]

one of my characters, on sneaking into a thieves guild, after sneaking through the sewers and taking down a youngish black dragon...

"Sod this. I kick the door open, and run through."

needless to say, he ended up surrounded by rogues, half of which were sneak attacking...ahem.

later on, same campaign (thank god for resurrection magic). big cave. Highly trapped, and so far, all the door's have been trapped, but disabled by our rogue. rogue got taken down, so at the final door, guess what happened...

 

[mikey6990]

" I am not a dectect magic whore!"

Nuff said

 

[demiurge1138]

The player in question was standing on guard while the rest of the party slept in an expanded badger den. In the night, the badger comes back, and sniffs at the player's shoe. He reaches down to pet it, and it snarls at him. He says he's going to make an unarmed attack. He hits, badger misses, I ask him for the damage. He says "I'm not going for damage, I'm going for distance!"

Demiurge out.

 

[The_Universe]

Party Cleric to Party Ranger: "You're just upset because I'm better than you!"
Party Ranger to Party Cleric: "Better at what? Better at COWERING!?"

 

[Gnimish88]

In one campaign, a powerful NPC captured the same PC (we'll call him phil) 3 times in a row. We rescued him each time, twice escaping cinematically through a 2nd story window with the still bound Phil. After the last rescue, in-character discussion on what to do next ensued with the Phil saying how he wanted to get revenge and the rest of the party wanting to leave town. At one point I (in and out of character) yelled across the table:

'How many more windows do you have to go through before you realize that we aren't welcome up there?!?!'

 

[Terry Edwards]

"Captain Fisk, you had too much to drink last night and I spent the night in your room...and I have some bad news about your dog."

 

[adriayna]

From the dwarven tank, "Suck beard!"

 

[Elemental]

This was in an online game, from a typo-prone player, playing a heroic knight type who fought from horseback. The first action he described in the game was:

"Octavius goes into the temple after tying his hore outside."