[CNN] Half Elves Dissapeared

[I'm A Banana]

Found this scrap of paper a bit ago...

Athas Reporter:
We have ceased to exist.

And...

Ravenloft Gazette:
We were once among the damned, but have been rediscovered and given new life. We now walk among the living, hiding our rotting corpses with sleek new covers and stuff. ^_^

Mwahahahaha!

Oh, and about the half-elves. My players seem to think that their advantages don't add up to the benefit of one feat. I have elves, and humans....but no half-elves.

 

[Frosty]

Dwarven Bullentin

The recent changes in tactics, economics and population has not impacted at all on dwarven strongholds. Dwarven strongholds are run over, exterminated and infested with goblins, cultists and dragons by the same extent they always have. Roaric War-Kerrang, master-smith and living ancestor has this to say on the subject: "Aye, we have begun educating Dwarven Defenders, a new class of warrior-dwarfs, specialized in the defense of our corridors, caverns and halls, alas to no avail. Those goblins, kobolds and what-nots are too powerful for us to handle."

 

[I'm A Banana]

Dude, what about the dwarven Wizard's College?!

Or the association of Dwarven Druids?

 

[Plane Sailing]

Evening Standard:

London underground set to strike, chaos predicted across the capital

Dragons rumoured to be fiercer now.


(You might have to be British to understand this one)

 

[0-hr]

The Ecclesiatical Tribune

Across the nation this morning, hundreds of clerics found themselves suffering from an unknown mental illness. Where for years they had wielded the mace and warhammer with equal skill, now it seems that the latter weapon is completely foreign to them.

"I dunno," says vicar Cedric the Just of Amesburry, "A stick with a round hunk of metal on the end I can swing just fine. Even a round hunk with nasty spikes sticking out works for me. But if you give me a stick with a square hunk of iron on the end, I just can't figure the dern thing out!"

While many holy men are confounded by this sudden lapse in martial abilities, most seem preoccupied playing with their new crossbows.

 

[Dark Dragon]

News from the Grove Guardian :

After a long time of a self-declared exile, a lot of older druids got infected again by wanderlust, as it has been when they were young initiates.
The reasons are perhaps the ending of the fights within the druidic order. "We agreed, that the internal fights may be useful to select the weak from the strong", so an old druid from Tethyr, "but, on the other hand, our numbers were too low to keep an eye on the increased number of tough foes. Our ranks must be filled quickly..." The druids are glad about a newly granted, more flexible power of shape changing (after a short "interregnum", where this power was weaker than it has been before), and more offensive and deadly spells. Especially the younger druids are practicing on these, although accidents happen (slightly burned allies because of a badly targeted Fire Seeds or Flame Strike ). Most druids add the longspear to their equipment, and the weapon shops in forest villages report now a short stockage.
The order of Mielliki reports a lot of new first class druids, who got a former introduction in tracking and two-weapon-fighting with martial weapons by some rangers. "Wild" druids with a successful barbarian diploma are also becoming quite common.
To make the druid's job more attractive, a strict neutrality is no longer required.

 

[Morrow]

Shadowdale Bulletin

Noting a drastic drop in the number of half elves in the region.... humans have started filing for discrimination against Elven Nations.

"3-4 years ago a third of adventurers were half elven, now they are a rare sight indeed" said the local Mayor.

The elves responded by saying they have stopped going to Evermeet and the numbers of half breeds should go up again and that breeding was every elfs personal choice and they had nothing to do with it.

Half orcs on the contrary have seen a recent population explosion....

It is interesting how elven fertility is way down, but dragons can now mate with anything, and those horny lizards are getting more action than all the other races put together.

"Yep, a dragon knocked up my daugther, and my wife, and my dog, and my mule, and my chickens..." -Jeb the 2nd level commoner.


Morrow

 

[Katerek]

From the Greyhawk Tribune...

The famed BAT BOY is really a half dragon!

In a wildly popular press confrence thsi morning, the world reknowned Bat Boy claimed his dragon heritage as the true source of his devilishly good looks.

There was no comment on who the parents of Bat Boy may be.

 

[El_Gringo]

Shadowdale Times

In an effort to recruit and keep more students, the rangers guild has renounced their old moral code. No longer limited to upstanding people, the guild is now taking in thieves, harlots, and a surprisingly large number of drow. One such drow, Drozzt Duurdon, thought this move was the right step.

"I think it's great! Now I'll have an edge while hunting down you pathtic human sun worshippers," said the drow.

More on this as it breaks.

 

[Balsamic Dragon]

Shadowdale Reporter

Business Section

Investors are still reeling as the spike market shows no indication of recovering after its spectacular rise and then plummet in sales. "It seemed like such a powerful seller, but I guess people thought it was just a novelty." Rumors that everyone would have spikes seem to have been greatly exagerrated. Insiders suspect that the so-called "spike promoters" were just out to make a quick buck. Several investors sold high and then transferred their assets to the increasingly popular Chain Shirt line. "Can't put spikes on those shirts, you know. Not our fault!" said one gnomish investor, who prefers to remain anonymous.

Those clever folks who bought up large stock in Boots of Striding and Springing are laughing all the way to the bank! After a recent market adjustment, the Boots have skyrocketed in value. The Elven manufacturing line, who made their fortune with the Elven Cloak and Elven Boots, have seemlessly switched over to this new hot product, with the trademark elven "swoosh" emblazoned on each one.

Do you have the latest tech toy? Wands of Cure Light Wounds are all the rage with today's young adventurers. "It's so useful, we ditched our cleric back in town and headed into the dungeon ourselves!" says one enterprising party. Some of these wands have even been "hacked" so that they operate at range, although the manufacturer only supports touch range use. "It's a corrupting influence" remarked a Cleric of Helm. "Those adventurers need our moral guidance. The healing is just a way to get through to them, to make them see the light of truth!" We spoke to a wand manufacturer from the local Thayan enclave who denied that these new Wands would eliminate the need for clerics in the party. "After all," she added, "not all clerics can heal so quickly and easily! This puts all faiths on a more even footing."

Balsamic Dragon