[CNN] Half Elves Dissapeared

[Nightfall]

The Yugman Papers reports:

We just popped on the radar but already, reports are flooding in about various people handing out spells and scrolls at an enormous rate. Most popular are the Shadow Spells taught to many by the Penumbral Lords. Also there are plenty of people enjoy the Champion Helm, even though the cost/benefit ratio isn't all that high. Still I for one look forward to meeting this other sage from some place called Toril. Perhaps he and I can find some beneificial grounds to talk about our places in our various worlds.

 

[Dagger75]

Ravens Bluff Trumpeter

Word on the street is, people on the street can now read words. Overnight literacy has increased to unheard of levels. The common man (who now have "levels" but that is another story) is reading like a wizard school grad student. The once uncommon barbarian seems to be the only people who can't read nowadays.

Also words like THAC0 and Dual-Class seem have disappeared from the vocabulary, only to have been replaced by BAB, and AOO (which is still being defined).

More to come on this investigative news story...

 

[Voneth]

Re: Re: [CNN] Half Elves Dissapeared

It is interesting how elven fertility is way down, but dragons can now mate with anything, and those horny lizards are getting more action than all the other races put together.

"Yep, a dragon knocked up my daugther, and my wife, and my dog, and my mule, and my chickens..." -Jeb the 2nd level commoner.


Morrow

Nooooo
not the chickens!!!

Damn those omlette are going to be stringy now.

 

[Roland Delacroix]

And now Local News:

Recently there has been a division among the Greyhawk College of Cuisine. Professors report that 1/2 Orc students, though dumb as posts, still seem to do better than more exotic races such as Aasimar and Svirfneblin.

"Yeah, its just unfair" said Quareel, a female Drow chef-in-training. "I'm smarter than Krusk, have more sense, and can balance a pie on each finger. Yet it seems I have to study twice as hard just to create a hamburger as well as Krusk!"

College expert chefs were unavailable for comment. Local News 5 was able to reach professor Charch, a mathematics teacher, but was unable to understand his rambling about "shifting experience charts".

For now exchange students have started late night study groups to overcome their handicapped. Other students have turned to other options.

"I ssssimply couldn't get my ssssouflles to sstay up. I'd already been a ssstudent for 5 years!" Recalls Illithid Chef Thchock'lock. "Till one day i got mad and just flipped out. I went to the local dungeons to vent by killing ssssome monsters and eating sssssome brains. Next day, i could craft pastries like the besssst! Forget thats sssstudying ssstuf, I quit the pizza parlor and now do assssasssinationsss part time!"

 

[Dark Psion]

Breaking News Story

A survior of the world of Athas has been found!
He is barely hanging on and he may be suffering from severe sunburn. When asked about his worlds recent disapearance, he only mumbled the word, "Has'brro". He later descride these strange invaders from other realms who seemed strangly interested in their clothing designs. "There was this one fellow called Bruce who was asking everyone about their Psionic abilities."

What was worse, he observed thing changing as these strange people made notes. "All my life I could Disintegrate things with my mind and all of a sudden all I can do is make my finger burn!". When asked about the Dragon Kings, "Yeah, they came, but the strangers started arguing about epic this and epic that and the defiling lords went mad with their thoughts and powers constantly shifting."

When asked how he escaped, he said he had found a strange gem with the word Gygax on it, and it protected him. He said this while holding and caressing his pet rock.

 

[Dark Dragon]

New reports on a shift of magic:

Rumors about old magic surviving the recent changes have been confirmed. Bards tell stories about a cleric of Tempus, who used a scroll of protection against elementals when his party was attacked by two large earth elementals. The cleric admitted that he didn't found out if the spell had protected him because the party's halfelven fighter/ranger/paladin (of Torm) cleaved the elementals within seconds... The scroll was lost, however. But researchs to dublicate its effects have already begun. It won't be surprising if the druids invent a fitting spell, due to their knack with elemental powers.

Somewhere in the King's Forest in central Cormyr, an inn keeper found a strange book near his house. The book was in good condition, and the inn keeper (a former adventurer) suspected it could be magic. He handed it over to a War Wizard. The War Wizard's Guild in Suzail found out that it was one of the rare teleportation books. "Some years ago, these books were created to bring people to specific locations," so a wizard, "we suppose that their creators (perhaps beings beyond the power of gods) were insane, because the target location was often a clearing in a forest, a dune in a desert or near a little village." Strangely, there was often something evil, and most good clerics argue, that some of the old gods are involved in creating the books. "Nonsense," a wizard said, " who creates a thing to bring someone somewhere to fight there for something? If you want to fight, and get rich and famous, well, go to Zentil Keep, Mulhorand, Thay or the like. Or ask us about a job. But don't use that books, you'll just get into some weird story!"

Famous paladins with Holy swords were quite surprised that their swords don't offer the old, very effective protection against magic. "It's not a problem to me," said a paladin of Helm in Tethyr, "my god protects me much better now, and the sword has become more deadly against ANY evil. Helm wanted the change of the sword's power, so I don't question it. " Another paladin was quite released to know that the lycanthrope's curse is not dangerous for paladins anymore.

 

[Rashak Mani]

Rangers Guild released a media bulletin this evening in response to allegations that Rangers have been shafted.:

"We feel that these acusations do put in doubt our masculinity... this being shafted business has really made our members look the worse or less manly due to these stories. Many younger members are leaving the profession soon after graduation."

The Anti-Ranger lobby has declared that the rangers have in fact taken the shaft and more... they now cast fairy magic spells, change animal partners frequently and are obsessed by a "chosen" enemy. Things that are typical of revengful small people and not real men . Their preference for small weapons instead of big weapons seems kind of awkward too.

 

[Soveliss]

Boy, I hear you talkin' smack about me one more time....I'm gonna ambush yo mamma and show her the shaft!

Geeze, a guy has one youthful indescression, and suddenly he's a bad guy. It's just a lil' shaft! Nothin' to get all wierd about!

I tell ya, if someone should be accused o' shaftin' it's that puppet o' Pelor, Jozan. He may look at girlie mags, but we all know that the clergy is a haven for guys who like a shaftin' now and again.

But OH, NO! No one whines about *Clerics* getting shafted. 'N fact, some people say they're too pow'rful! I can tell ya, that sure hurts a man right in his greatness, y'know.

Aw, lookit what you've done! I'm cryin' now, thanks to you!

I'm just gonna hafta curl up into a little ball with Bruce and Lance tonight after the club....bloody insensitive EN worlders with their talk o' the shafts.

 

[laiyna]

The Waterdeep Gossip

The number of young maidens has recently rapid decreased in Waterdeep and the number of toad familiars raised under apprentices. The Mage Guild has an official enouncement for all apprentices: The problems with the lack of toad familiars has been solved but do NOT get romantically involved with your toad or expect to marry soon.

 

[apsuman]

MEMO

From: Office of the Dean
School of Evocation
Red Wizard of Thay College of Wizardry

To: Administration, Faculty, Students, Alumni

Re: Halfling Monks and Paladins of Yondalla

Spell Selection Advisory

It has recently come to our attention that in the past few years the emergence of particularly robust types of Halflings. Paladins of Yondalla and Halfling monks have posed a particularly troublesome problem for many of our alumni.

While these pesky good doers are a new occurance and their numbers are small, do not let their size or their novelty fool you. Many alumni have reported that these little monsters are especailly good at shrugging off the effects of our spells. How they manage to save themselves is still a mystery. Some speculate that they are just plain lucky while others have guessed that there is a deeper reason for their success. A professor emeritus, who shall remain nameless, went so far as to claim that they have a force of personality so strong and are so captivating that our spells have a diminished effectiveness.

What we know is that these half pint abominations seem equally adept at avoiding the greatest effect of Magical Fireballs, Lightning Bolts, Illusions, Charms, and Depeletion.

While our spells are not completely useless, until the College has a better understanding of this phenomenon is our official recommendation that Red Wizards prepare offensive spells with the most certain direct damage, Magic Missles effect them as before. Also, Heightening spells has proved to have some success. Finally, the college recommends all alumni to be prepared for these creatures with approprite defensive spells, preferably teleport as monks are very fast on their feet as are mounted paladins.