Converting Prehistoric Creatures

Casimir Liber

Adventurer
Right, I'll go with "armored" for consistency. Changed description to:

"Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids related to spiders and scorpions. Unlike their kin, they do not spin webs and are not venomous, and much of their bodies are covered with thick spiny armored plates. Predatory by nature, they make up for their poor vision with their keen sensory pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where they hunt any animal smaller than themselves as potential prey."
 

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Cleon

Legend
Right, I'll go with "armored" for consistency. Changed description to:

"Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids related to spiders and scorpions. Unlike their kin, they do not spin webs and are not venomous, and much of their bodies are covered with thick spiny armored plates. Predatory by nature, they make up for their poor vision with their keen sensory pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where they hunt any animal smaller than themselves as potential prey."

That's a good improvement. I'll swap it into the Giant Trigonotarbid to replace the former version of the Description (see below).

Maybe remove the "their" in "their keen sensory pedipals" and use "creature" instead of "animal"? Also, it they're hunting something isn't it already prey? so either the "potential prey" or the "hunt" seems redundant.

So you could use either:

"Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids related to spiders and scorpions. Unlike their kin, they do not spin webs and are not venomous, and much of their bodies are covered with thick spiny armored plates. Predatory by nature, they make up for their poor vision with keen sensory pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where they hunt any creature smaller than themselves."

or:

"Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids related to spiders and scorpions. Unlike their kin, they do not spin webs and are not venomous, and much of their bodies are covered with thick spiny armored plates. Predatory by nature, they make up for their poor vision with keen sensory pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where any creature smaller than themselves is potential prey."

I like the second one a little better myself.

What do you think?

Description

Giant trigonotarbids resemble giant spiders with thick spiny armoured plates across their bodies. Unlike spiders they don't spin webs and are not venomous. Predatory, they make up for their poor vision with their keen sensory pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where they hunt smaller arthropods as prey.
 


Cleon

Legend
Yeah...going with number two.....

aaand posted here

Upon reflective, "tactile pedipalps" might be better than "sensory pedipalps", since (a) pedipalps are touch-sensitive so it's specifying the sense, and (b) having "and other senses" immediately afterwards seems a little more clunky.

That'd make it:

Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids related to spiders and scorpions. Unlike their kin, they do not spin webs and are not venomous, and much of their bodies are covered with thick spiny armored plates. Predatory by nature, they make up for their poor vision with keen tactile pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where any creature smaller than themselves is potential prey.​

The D&D Beyond Version you posted has a stray double quote at the start of the Description (i.e., the " in "Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids should be removed).

If you're going to edit that out you could make the pedipalps tactile at the same time, assuming you prefer that phrasing. It does work fine with "sensory pedipalps".
 




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