Converting "Real World" Animals and Vermin

[Cleon]

Oh, I had Leave.

You didn't get leave from us!

 

[Cleon]

This thing looks like a manta ray, but it wants to eat you!

Uhhh, more seriously, I guess the flavor should just say something like that.

Relatives of the manta ray, sea bats are more aggressive predators, delivering poison via their sting. ...

I'd emphasize these things are BIG and the "more" seems redundant.

e.g.:

Enormous relatives of the manta rays, sea bats are aggressive predators that swallow their prey whole, often after paralyzing them with poisonous tail stings.

 

[freyar]

That's good enough for the flavor. Now the description: A great swimming wing with a wicked tail.

 

[Cleon]

That's good enough for the flavor. Now the description: A great swimming wing with a wicked tail.

Can we assume the reader knows what a ray looks like?

This vast fish appears to be some sort of ray. Like a manta ray, it has horn-like fleshy lobes on each side of a wide mouth and powerful "wings" for swimming. Unlike a manta, its tail sports spines like a sting ray, albeit much larger.

Or we could cut out the references to mantas and sting rays...

This vast fish appears to be some sort of ray. It has horn-like fleshy lobes on each side of a wide mouth and powerful "wings" for swimming. Its lash-like tail is armed with several spines.

Hmm, I think I prefer the latter.

 

[Shade]

Hmm, I think I prefer the latter.

Me too.

 

[Cleon]

Me too.

Updating Working Draft.

I added a "Sea bats live in shallow tropical waters where the ocean's floor is muddy or sandy" to match the original Terrain entry and Habitat.

Are we done now?

 

[Shade]

Updated. Finished?

 

[Cleon]

Updated. Finished?

If its tail is as long as its wingspan (e.g. 32 feet), why does it only have a 10 ft. Reach? Having over 30 foot of tail suggests a 15 ft. Reach, even though the sting is near the base of the tail.

Besides, Manta Rays have relatively short tails. If the Manta in this picture had a 32 foot wingspan I'd guesstimate its tail would be roughly 12 feet long.

Admittedly some Sting Rays have tails as long or longer than their bodies, but this was originally describes as a "Manta Ray", so I reckon it ought to have similar proportions.

I'd cut that bit out, and give it a 20 ft body length and 15 ft tail. I wouldn't change the tail's reach, since the sting isn't near the end of the tail.

Updating Working Draft.

 

[Shade]

Looks good. Updated.

 

[Cleon]

Looks good. Updated.

I declare this Sea Bat ready to launch!