cosmetic changes in a human-dominated world (humorous)

[Afrodyte]

In core D&D, humans are the dominant race, but they live alongside and coopertate with other races. I was thinking that, given the same basic psychology as humans, wouldn't human standards of beauty, masculinity/femininity, etc. also be the norm? How do you think this would affect other races? I'll start with elves.

Elven men in particular would have it pretty bad. As ever-increasing numbers of available elven women choose to hook up with human men, male elves opt for magical alterations to make them look more manly. For the majority, this means potions and ointments that give them facial and body hair ("The chest, man. Make sure you get plenty on your chest."). A lot of them go on the Adkins diet, emphasizing meat over fruits, vegetables, and nuts. They might not eat bread either. Cheese would depend upon lactose tolerance. Weightlifting is the preferred past-time. Participating in violence-simulation (or actual violence) sports. Those with the means would pay a wizard to change them into lean, buff, hairy, pointy-eared, manly elves. The cheap and impoverished would glue on dwarven beard clippings. Some, after achieving the desired physique and facial and body hair, get their ears rounded to look more like human ears.

Female elves, envying the curves of human women, practically make themselves sick to gain weight (magically altered so the pounds go where desired). Most of the time it fails, but many are very pleased with the results if they succeed. Like male elves, many opt to get their ears rounded. Those who can't afford or don't want to spend money on surgery use strategic padding instead.

Some elves would go back to their roots, so to speak, and embrace the traits that make them unique. There'd be many "thin is in" and "pointy is beautiful" campaigns aimed at getting more elven self-acceptance. Psychologists and charlatans abound. There would be lots of support groups for elven men questioning their masculinity ("This may come as a surprise to you all, but I don't killing orcs. Sometimes I feel bad when I shoot them full of arrows because I'd rather talk it out. Does that happen to you too?"). More numerous would be programs aimed at making elven men more manly: violent sports associations, prehistoric retreats, fight clubs, and the like.

Elven women, already being seen as extremely feminine (though lacking curves), often have secret private lives where they can indulge their "masculine" aspects while appearing to be the ultimate female in public.

What sorts of things do you see happening?

 

[NewJeffCT]

well, elven women do have one advantage - many men go for the petite types, considering them to be "more feminine." And, I know there are many exceptions to this idea, but being petite in a female is not nearly the disadvantage as it is if you are a petite man.

Also, could lead to a market where elven women disguise themselves as young, innocent human girls just on the verge of developing.

Interesting post, but I had always thought of humans thinking of elves as exotic & attractive, like how many often find people from different countries exotic (sometimes for good, others for bad)

 

[derelictjay]

Yes, I can just see hundreds of anorexic dwarven males. And the town cryer saying that human standards of male beauty is affecting dwarven health, because the "thin" male human figure and weight is not acceptable for dwarves.

 

[Afrodyte]

Yes, I can just see hundreds of anorexic dwarven males. And the town cryer saying that human standards of male beauty is affecting dwarven health, because the "thin" male human figure and weight is not acceptable for dwarves.

A dwarf saying, "No, thanks. I'm on a diet" seems simultaneously cruel and humorous.

 

[Imret]

A sudden upsurge in the market for platform boots, since 'core' D&D has almost every demihuman race shorter than humans.

Gnomish rhinoplasty.

A final answer on the "female dwarves: beards or not?" question.

Half-orc suicides by the wagonload, except the few rich enough for a polymorph.

Just a few thoughts.

 

[MoogleEmpMog]

Depending on how "beastial" orcs look, orc males and elven females might be considered ideal specimens by a human-dominated society.

Pre 3e D&D orcs looked more human-like in most illustrations - buff, rough bad boys. Throw some cool leather jackets and sunglasses on these guys and human (or elven) chicks will dig them. Hobgoblin males could stand in for orcs, although they usually aren't as well-built.

Elven women are petite and feminine, the antithesis of orc males. As such, they're probably considered very desirable by humans (and orcs) just as they are. Some human and orc guys may dig the curvaceous types, but many will go for the elf babes.

Orc women and elven men are out of luck, of course. They're the most likely to be negatively impacted.

Dwarves are an odd case. Dwarf males are arguably more macho than humans - muscular, hardy and hairy. But they're short. I can see them liking tall women (that's the stereotype of short tough guys, you know?), more likely human or even orcish chicks rather than elven. Dwarf women are absolutely out of luck, probably even moreso than orcs.

Halflings and gnomes are truly oddball: yorkshire terriers in a world of airedales. I can see halflings being the ones gnomes envy, rather than vice versa, since halflings look more like 'little humans.'

This would make a hillarious idea for a comedy campaign...

 

[Richards]

Originally posted by Afrodyte:

Elven men in particular would have it pretty bad. As ever-increasing numbers of available elven women choose to hook up with human men, male elves opt for magical alterations to make them look more manly. For the majority, this means potions and ointments that give them facial and body hair ("The chest, man. Make sure you get plenty on your chest.").

Believe it or not, I actually created beard gel for this very purpose in an "Elven Magic Items" article for issue #4 of Mongoose's Signs & Portents magazine.

Johnathan

 

[reanjr]

I think that you are missing the fact that D&D races are not consumer whores who revolve their very existence around television and media. They have not been inundated with an educational system designed from the ground up by Rockefeller to make all of our children drones fit for factory work. They do not see marketing campaigns with anemic models on some Italian or French runway.

Most importantly, they do not have the means to communicate on a global scale, meaning they have no conception of how things are "supposed" to be. The elves still live in their forests and while they see humans it doesn't mean they think humans are the pinnacle of creation. Black people in America (about 15% population last I checked) do not try to emulate Whites or Hispanics. They have their own ways about them and find different things beautiful, like different foods, and appreciate different art. In fact, in modern times, I think Blacks have had more of an impression on Whites than vice versa.

 

[reanjr]

On a lighter note, though, halflings and gnomes would routinely seek therapay for their height problems. Many of the may develop strange psychoses from feelings of inferiority. To compensate, you might find that there is an alarming rate of serial killers among the short folk population.

The new profile for serial killer might be:

Halfling or Gnome
Age 95
Tall for his race
May have gotten into fights with human children in their early years
Often times speaks out and commends people on their height
Generally friendly, though quiet
Gnome serial killers will often be bedwetters up through their 20s or even into their 30s
Known to harm small animals (badgers are often the target of gnome children) in their youth

 

[Afrodyte]

I think that you are missing the fact that D&D races are not consumer whores who revolve their very existence around television and media. They have not been inundated with an educational system designed from the ground up by Rockefeller to make all of our children drones fit for factory work. They do not see marketing campaigns with anemic models on some Italian or French runway.

Most importantly, they do not have the means to communicate on a global scale, meaning they have no conception of how things are "supposed" to be. The elves still live in their forests and while they see humans it doesn't mean they think humans are the pinnacle of creation. Black people in America (about 15% population last I checked) do not try to emulate Whites or Hispanics. They have their own ways about them and find different things beautiful, like different foods, and appreciate different art. In fact, in modern times, I think Blacks have had more of an impression on Whites than vice versa.

Dude, it's not that crucial.