Scion of Vyshaan
First Post
Toras said:
I have the entire 60 issue run of Quasar in a box at my parent's house.
I'm so ashamed. So very ashamed.
Crazy Quotes from my Group....
- Thread starter Shemeska
- Start date
I have the entire 60 issue run of Quasar in a box at my parent's house.
I'm so ashamed. So very ashamed.
dave_o
Explorer
I'm not sure if this fits, but it's pretty hilarious none-the-less. A group I was running through my other homebrew, Alat, needed to travel through a mountain range. In order to save time, they chanced it, and took a long defunct passageway through the mountains - of course, it was created by dwarves.
Dave (me, the DM): The passage is around fifteen feet tall.
Keith (the Overly Critical): Fifteen feet?! How could a dwarf ever build a fifteen foot tall passage?!
Dave: *blinks* Well, y'know, there is scaffol-
Clay (the Insane): Stilts!
Dave: *blinks twice*
Jim (the 5'11 Dwarf): Didn't he say this passage was moist, though? How would they stay up?
Keith: They might hydroplane.
Dave: Hydroplaning. Dwarven. Stiltsmen.
They became a recurring enemy, out of spite.
Dave (me, the DM): The passage is around fifteen feet tall.
Keith (the Overly Critical): Fifteen feet?! How could a dwarf ever build a fifteen foot tall passage?!
Dave: *blinks* Well, y'know, there is scaffol-
Clay (the Insane): Stilts!
Dave: *blinks twice*
Jim (the 5'11 Dwarf): Didn't he say this passage was moist, though? How would they stay up?
Keith: They might hydroplane.
Dave: Hydroplaning. Dwarven. Stiltsmen.
They became a recurring enemy, out of spite.
Moe Ronalds
First Post
Fish: Come with me to see the pimp!
Hisfur: I attempt to hit on the lady in the red dress.
Moe: Alright. Make a spot check.
Hisfur: 19.
Moe: You notice that she has particularly hairy legs, a very pronounced adams apple, and large hands.
Hisfur: Okay, so?
Moe: Nothing, nevermind...
Moe (as a PC): And what is your name, fair maden?
Spike: Chadeu.
Moe: Chadeu! Why, has anyone ever told you that your name makes me think of clams?
Fish: You're asking for a cookie, bitch. (after Hisfur had been annoying him. Minutes previously Fish has drawn blood by throwing a baked good at Hisfur.)
GM: You see your good friend Carl impaled as a clawed hand punches through the door, and him. Roll for SAN loss.
Moe: *looks at roll.* Okay, I just shrug.
Hisfur: I continue drinking my bottle of water.
Fish: I look at the window, fearfully.
Bory: GOOD GOD NOT CARL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moe(AsDM): Alright, as you enter the room you notice the outlines of faces faintly bulging out of the walls surrounding you.
Spike: Okay, I poke one of the faces in the eye.
Moe: -_-;;; The faces shoot out attached to long necks. They wrap around your arms and limbs. Make a strength check?
Spike: uh... five.
Moe: You're dragged right up against the wall and you're being pulled inside. Make another strength check.
Spike:........
Moe: hm?
Spike: Uh... five...
Moe: Alright. As you're pulled into the wall, you feel terrible agony as your body and mind are devoured by it, and cease to exist. Roll another character.
Moe: Alright, you open up the crate? *rolls* You find a tape recorder.
Scatt: We turn it on.
Moe: *rolls.**ahem* looooooving yoooou, is eaaasy 'cause you're beautiful...
Moe: You open up the other crate? You find holy water.
Eastman: I take a sip.
Moe: You feel some of your wounds close slightly as you heal 1 damage.
*later...*
Group: ChugChugChugChugChugChugChugChug!!!
Eastman: I am DIR! Lord of the Octobunny! Now, give me all your slurpee!
Moe: I walk into the make up store and pull out a gun. I point it at the woman at the counter.
Spike: What do you say?
Moe: All your base are belong to us.
Moe: Eugene the Geneticist waves an arm at two large vats in his living room. DIR, Ned [the narcoleptic], meet mom and dad!
Mom: Oh hello! Eugene really is a bright boy! bright like the flames of hell he'll be burning in- AAAUGH!!!!!
Eugene: *holding a black controller and holding a red button* I heard that.
DIR: Alright, so, what do we do now?
Eugene: Well, I'm bored. I've got a +23 in Knowledge (microbiology), and a lab. You guys wanna start another black plague?
Ned: Meh, I guess if we don't have anything better to do.
Moe: So anyway, the wererat that you were shagging-
Stu: Waitwaitwait- that was a wereRAT!?!?!?
Moe: Er... yeah. I mean, it had a long naked tail and it was covered in fur...
Stu: But you never said it was a were-rat. I thought it was a werewolf or something-
Moe: Well, it was dark how could you- wait, how the hell is a werewolf better than a wererat?
Hisfur: Meh. He's just nervous because he's ashamed of the crush he had on Splinter from TNMNT growing up...
Eastman: So, one of our companions has been making bad decisions? And has been talking to that black katana we found?
Moe: That's right.
Eastman: I see. And he's standing behind me, right? And we're alone? In a dark hallway?
Moe: Yeeeup.
Eastman: Damn. And I ate the last cinnamon roll for breakfast.
Scatt: Well, we never liked your character much anyway.
Moe: Alright, so the Ogre Cowboy lands a headshot with his hand held cannon AGAIN on your character...
Moe: You open the door, and you find yourself in what appears to be a hangman's gallows. There are several undead creatures attached to nooses, and all are lit aflame. As you enter, they begin to sing. *plays Bohemian Rhapsody*
Fish: What... the
?
Fish: Wait, what happened to my eternal sheep?
Moe: Eternal sheep?
Fish: Yeah! I brought this guy back from that one-shot, remember?
Moe: Yeah but you still don't have the sheep.
Fish: But why can't I have the skeep!?
Moe: Because I said so. The sheep irritates me, it goes against the tone of the game.
*five minutes later*
Fish: So I use my sheep-
Moe: You don't have your sheep.
Fish: Why can't I have my sheep!?
Moe: NO.
*five minutes later*
Fish: WHY CAN'T I HAVE MY SHEEP!?!?
Hisfur: I attempt to hit on the lady in the red dress.
Moe: Alright. Make a spot check.
Hisfur: 19.
Moe: You notice that she has particularly hairy legs, a very pronounced adams apple, and large hands.
Hisfur: Okay, so?
Moe: Nothing, nevermind...
Moe (as a PC): And what is your name, fair maden?
Spike: Chadeu.
Moe: Chadeu! Why, has anyone ever told you that your name makes me think of clams?
Fish: You're asking for a cookie, bitch. (after Hisfur had been annoying him. Minutes previously Fish has drawn blood by throwing a baked good at Hisfur.)
GM: You see your good friend Carl impaled as a clawed hand punches through the door, and him. Roll for SAN loss.
Moe: *looks at roll.* Okay, I just shrug.
Hisfur: I continue drinking my bottle of water.
Fish: I look at the window, fearfully.
Bory: GOOD GOD NOT CARL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moe(AsDM): Alright, as you enter the room you notice the outlines of faces faintly bulging out of the walls surrounding you.
Spike: Okay, I poke one of the faces in the eye.
Moe: -_-;;; The faces shoot out attached to long necks. They wrap around your arms and limbs. Make a strength check?
Spike: uh... five.
Moe: You're dragged right up against the wall and you're being pulled inside. Make another strength check.
Spike:........
Moe: hm?
Spike: Uh... five...
Moe: Alright. As you're pulled into the wall, you feel terrible agony as your body and mind are devoured by it, and cease to exist. Roll another character.
Moe: Alright, you open up the crate? *rolls* You find a tape recorder.
Scatt: We turn it on.
Moe: *rolls.**ahem* looooooving yoooou, is eaaasy 'cause you're beautiful...
Moe: You open up the other crate? You find holy water.
Eastman: I take a sip.
Moe: You feel some of your wounds close slightly as you heal 1 damage.
*later...*
Group: ChugChugChugChugChugChugChugChug!!!
Eastman: I am DIR! Lord of the Octobunny! Now, give me all your slurpee!
Moe: I walk into the make up store and pull out a gun. I point it at the woman at the counter.
Spike: What do you say?
Moe: All your base are belong to us.
Moe: Eugene the Geneticist waves an arm at two large vats in his living room. DIR, Ned [the narcoleptic], meet mom and dad!
Mom: Oh hello! Eugene really is a bright boy! bright like the flames of hell he'll be burning in- AAAUGH!!!!!
Eugene: *holding a black controller and holding a red button* I heard that.
DIR: Alright, so, what do we do now?
Eugene: Well, I'm bored. I've got a +23 in Knowledge (microbiology), and a lab. You guys wanna start another black plague?
Ned: Meh, I guess if we don't have anything better to do.
Moe: So anyway, the wererat that you were shagging-
Stu: Waitwaitwait- that was a wereRAT!?!?!?
Moe: Er... yeah. I mean, it had a long naked tail and it was covered in fur...
Stu: But you never said it was a were-rat. I thought it was a werewolf or something-
Moe: Well, it was dark how could you- wait, how the hell is a werewolf better than a wererat?
Hisfur: Meh. He's just nervous because he's ashamed of the crush he had on Splinter from TNMNT growing up...
Eastman: So, one of our companions has been making bad decisions? And has been talking to that black katana we found?
Moe: That's right.
Eastman: I see. And he's standing behind me, right? And we're alone? In a dark hallway?
Moe: Yeeeup.
Eastman: Damn. And I ate the last cinnamon roll for breakfast.
Scatt: Well, we never liked your character much anyway.
Moe: Alright, so the Ogre Cowboy lands a headshot with his hand held cannon AGAIN on your character...
Moe: You open the door, and you find yourself in what appears to be a hangman's gallows. There are several undead creatures attached to nooses, and all are lit aflame. As you enter, they begin to sing. *plays Bohemian Rhapsody*
Fish: What... the
?Fish: Wait, what happened to my eternal sheep?
Moe: Eternal sheep?
Fish: Yeah! I brought this guy back from that one-shot, remember?
Moe: Yeah but you still don't have the sheep.
Fish: But why can't I have the skeep!?
Moe: Because I said so. The sheep irritates me, it goes against the tone of the game.
*five minutes later*
Fish: So I use my sheep-
Moe: You don't have your sheep.
Fish: Why can't I have my sheep!?
Moe: NO.
*five minutes later*
Fish: WHY CAN'T I HAVE MY SHEEP!?!?
Ao the Overkitty
First Post
Also from Guedo79's Planescape campaign
Lots of great quotes, but the best one comes from one of the first adventures (think it was the second game session).
Scooby (Dwarf NPC plothook guy): "There are goblins. They came from the caves. They chased us!"
Big A the Angel Guy (LN aasimar Holy Champion): "Do caves often chase you?"
Guedo79: (got the most confused look on his face): "......................................................................... Scooby's head explodes."
Sadly, that was not the last victim of Big A's dreaded logic.
Lots of great quotes, but the best one comes from one of the first adventures (think it was the second game session).
Scooby (Dwarf NPC plothook guy): "There are goblins. They came from the caves. They chased us!"
Big A the Angel Guy (LN aasimar Holy Champion): "Do caves often chase you?"
Guedo79: (got the most confused look on his face): "......................................................................... Scooby's head explodes."
Sadly, that was not the last victim of Big A's dreaded logic.
enworldatemylogin
First Post
From yesterday's Farscape game:
NPC: Do you have experience with demolitions disposal?
Me: Uh....
DM: Metagaming moment, the right answer would have been 'Yes'.
Or while trapped in a room after an explosion, under a desk:
Me: Is there a window?
DM: Yes, this wall is a window and has vertical slots that open up about this big.
Me: Oh great, I can slip through that being small sized.
DM: Ok, make your move silent roll.
Me: Crap, a 7 total.
DM: Well you make it to the window, but knock the chair over. The guard at the door sees you and has a "WTF?" look on his face.
Me: Crap, well I climb out the window.
DM: Ok, that's easy what are you going to do now?
Me: I drop out the window and use my rocket boots!
DM: Rocket Boots, when the heck did you get these?
Me: [Produces note with question regarding cost and answer from DM] Right here, when I created the character.
Rest of party: Dude!
DM: Ok, well, you float down, in fact you can see the workers in the level below you through the whole in the wall. You land, what do you do?"
Me: I pump me little Hynerian legs for all they are worth!
More here: http://www.angelfire.com/d20/firethatburns/farscape/season1.html
and for a Planescape game more here: http://www.angelfire.com/d20/firethatburns/episodes.html
NPC: Do you have experience with demolitions disposal?
Me: Uh....
DM: Metagaming moment, the right answer would have been 'Yes'.
Or while trapped in a room after an explosion, under a desk:
Me: Is there a window?
DM: Yes, this wall is a window and has vertical slots that open up about this big.
Me: Oh great, I can slip through that being small sized.
DM: Ok, make your move silent roll.
Me: Crap, a 7 total.
DM: Well you make it to the window, but knock the chair over. The guard at the door sees you and has a "WTF?" look on his face.
Me: Crap, well I climb out the window.
DM: Ok, that's easy what are you going to do now?
Me: I drop out the window and use my rocket boots!
DM: Rocket Boots, when the heck did you get these?
Me: [Produces note with question regarding cost and answer from DM] Right here, when I created the character.
Rest of party: Dude!
DM: Ok, well, you float down, in fact you can see the workers in the level below you through the whole in the wall. You land, what do you do?"
Me: I pump me little Hynerian legs for all they are worth!
More here: http://www.angelfire.com/d20/firethatburns/farscape/season1.html
and for a Planescape game more here: http://www.angelfire.com/d20/firethatburns/episodes.html
Moe Ronalds
First Post
CofC
Fish: Alright, well the Archeologist guy is the only one without a gun, right?
Eastman: Yes
Hisfur: Yeah I think so.
Moe: Uhm... yeah...?
Sporey: Alright then, what we do, if we get chased by these water thingies, we shoot him in the foot so that they go after him, that way he can't shoot after us.
Moe: Well yeah, but I'm the scientist! I'm the one taking blood samples and whatnot. I mean, if I survive, we can clone these things and have our own army to fight them with!
Spike: Dude, it's 1984. That's completely im-
Moe: THEY DON'T KNOW THAT.
Fish: Well, how about this then. We just shoot his arm off, that way they'll go after that and he's still here.
Moe: ......
*later...*
Fish: Okay, we need a rope-
Moe/Spike/Sporey: We have rope. 20 feet.
Hisfur: Shut up, we need something to tie this ship to our ship. I vote we use the Archaeologist's intestines.
Moe: WHAT!?!?!?
Hisfur: Dude c'mon, you gotta take one for the team...
Moe: By the way Spike, what did I find with my search roll?
Spike: A shotgun. Does 2d8, 50 foot range, critical x3.
Moe: Now, what was that about using my extremities bitches?
Spike: So they're your bitches because you've got the biggest gun?
Moe: .....
Fish: Alright, well the Archeologist guy is the only one without a gun, right?
Eastman: Yes
Hisfur: Yeah I think so.
Moe: Uhm... yeah...?
Sporey: Alright then, what we do, if we get chased by these water thingies, we shoot him in the foot so that they go after him, that way he can't shoot after us.
Moe: Well yeah, but I'm the scientist! I'm the one taking blood samples and whatnot. I mean, if I survive, we can clone these things and have our own army to fight them with!
Spike: Dude, it's 1984. That's completely im-
Moe: THEY DON'T KNOW THAT.
Fish: Well, how about this then. We just shoot his arm off, that way they'll go after that and he's still here.
Moe: ......
*later...*
Fish: Okay, we need a rope-
Moe/Spike/Sporey: We have rope. 20 feet.
Hisfur: Shut up, we need something to tie this ship to our ship. I vote we use the Archaeologist's intestines.
Moe: WHAT!?!?!?
Hisfur: Dude c'mon, you gotta take one for the team...
Moe: By the way Spike, what did I find with my search roll?
Spike: A shotgun. Does 2d8, 50 foot range, critical x3.
Moe: Now, what was that about using my extremities bitches?
Spike: So they're your bitches because you've got the biggest gun?
Moe: .....
Djeta Thernadier
First Post
Hahaha I have a quote page for stuff like this. It's the link in my sig quote. Check it out if you feel like reading my groups amusing quotes 
Kai Lord
Hero
In a Cyberpunk game a few years back me and another player were playing two characters fighting the Predator in a large arcology building.
Lawrence (into his headset): "The creature's heading your way, look for something fast and invisible."
Me: "All right I'll keep my eyes open...."
Lawrence (into his headset): "The creature's heading your way, look for something fast and invisible."
Me: "All right I'll keep my eyes open...."
