Critiquing the Conjunction : Forked from the Great Conjunction

[CardinalXimenes]

And, some words on Twistnack's helpful observations:

- I'd like to see an example of a full combat to make sure I'm not missing anything.

I'd agree it needs this badly. Without a combat example, the use of flux tokens in the flow of combat is left implicit, and that's not helpful.

- The style of the book is inconsistent. Sometimes new paragraphs are indented, other times they are created with new lines, and other times there's nothing to break up paragraphs. This makes the book more difficult to read than it would otherwise be.

To paraphrase Chris Onstad, my layout is something an ugly little crab on a beach eats instead of that dead tern over there. I can blame the 50-page limit, but only if I lie.

- I'd change the name Rank to something a little more descriptive. Using such a generic term, makes it easy to confuse Rank with the character's general proficiency with the Octant.

I tried to be rigorous about always using "rank" to refer to an Octant's degree of available mana, and "level" to refer to a Servitor's skill in an Octant. That may not be enough. Level term confusion may be a retro step too far.

- I find the details of the setting's back story a bit uninteresting. Luckily, the setting itself is interesting.

Any pointers at what you found dull in particular? I was disappointed that I couldn't fit a more coherent backstory in, but instead only had room to put in flavor chunks and implicit world info. If I revise things, I'll spread out a bit more.

 

[twistnack]

Any pointers at what you found dull in particular? I was disappointed that I couldn't fit a more coherent backstory in, but instead only had room to put in flavor chunks and implicit world info. If I revise things, I'll spread out a bit more.

For me, the setting's backstory is kind of bland. I think it has to do with the use of generic terms (like the City). Making your terminology a little more specific might make it more interesting to me.

I have no problem getting into the setting's present. Sure, I'd like to hear more about it, but I think there's already enough there to jump start a game.

I tried to be rigorous about always using "rank" to refer to an Octant's degree of available mana, and "level" to refer to a Servitor's skill in an Octant. That may not be enough. Level term confusion may be a retro step too far.

Actually, Mana (or something like it) looks the sort of name I'd expect for Ranks. It would make it easy to tell the two traits apart and tell which does what.

 

[Wik]

EP - thanks for the comments! And, yeah, I always wanted to see a Canadian Post-Apoc setting. It rarely gets done, these days. I always figured B.C. would make a great setting - a good mix of wilderness and cities, and hundreds of isolated islands would encourage the use of boats (or, as they're called in RPGs, "bases that float").


Unfortunately, I didn't have time to really work on the marine aspect of the game, and really just implied it. Future revisions will be addressing that problem.

***

Now, I know I need to do some reviews of my own. I've skimmed and read every piece submitted, and I have some opinions the games. I just had some crazy surprises sprung on me this weekend, and gaming is the last thing on my mind (to put it quickly, I was found by a long-lost sister a day after I ended a four year long relationship, so there's a whole bunch of drama in the Wik household right now).

Hopefully, I can get started on reviewing this weekend. I kinda want to start with the Jewels game... it has an interesting approach.

 

[EP]

OK, everyone watch for subtle references to lost-lost family members in the next draft from Wik.

 

[Wik]

Ha, yeah. "Luke, I am your father..."

Actually, I plan on critiquing everyone, and docking points because they DON'T include references to long-lost family members.

(for what it's worth, the actual story is much longer, and not an iota more interesting unless you're involved in it, so I figured I'd paraphrase with "long lost")

 

[RandomCitizenX]

Glad to see there is still some interest here. Now that work and night classes have slown down I hope to get back on track with my project.

 

[EP]

Glad to see there is still some interest here. Now that work and night classes have slown down I hope to get back on track with my project.

My girlfriend just got cable in her apartment and since I'm pretty much living here, I haven't been able to make the time and sneak in a review at work.

I know I already slated time in May to work on a second draft regardless of any outcomes here. But having it done in this context will work better and become more organic.