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<blockquote data-quote="Rl'Halsinor" data-source="post: 2464251" data-attributes="member: 19772">I (Master of Arts in Clinical Counseling) have run several group therapy sessions over the past two years using the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.&nbsp; Inevitably every person who finished th class would say, &quot;If I had known these truths when I was younger I would have saved myself much grief and pain.&quot;&nbsp; Controlling people, believe it or not, are fearful people.&nbsp; They have to control for if they can control other people and the situations around them then there is a sense of safety.&nbsp;&nbsp; But in a very real sense they take no responsiblity for their life because they are always demanding that other people do the changing, other people meet their demands, other people change their thinking, rather than they taking responsibility for their devaluing of others, poor attitudes, and manipulation that can border on pathological obsession.&nbsp; Controlling people cannot hear the word &quot;no&quot; (&quot;no,&quot; by the way, is the very first and important boundary every human being must learn in order to be a healthy individual), but they have little if any trouble telling you &quot;no.&quot;&nbsp; Basically the contollers here are saying a resounding NO to your and others boundaries.&nbsp; There is little regard for your person, your desires, your opinions, and your dreams.&nbsp; &nbsp; As for the grandmother, true love cannot be demanded it can only be freely shown, freely given.&nbsp; Grandma needs deep, long-term counseling.&nbsp; &nbsp; If I may also say, Hijinks, your laid-back ways may very well be a coping mechanism of countering the abusive example of your father.&nbsp; Trust me, I have so much in common with you its not funny.&nbsp; I wish I could talk to you face to face.&nbsp; There is a ton more I could share that would be helpful.&nbsp; And, yes, protect the children.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Rl'Halsinor, post: 2464251, member: 19772"] I (Master of Arts in Clinical Counseling) have run several group therapy sessions over the past two years using the book [I]Boundaries[/I] by Cloud and Townsend. Inevitably [U]every[/U] person who finished th class would say, "If I had known these truths when I was younger I would have saved myself much grief and pain." Controlling people, believe it or not, are fearful people. They [U]have[/U] to control for if they can control other people and the situations around them then there is a sense of safety. But in a very real sense they take no responsiblity for their life because they are always demanding that other people do the changing, other people meet their demands, other people change their thinking, rather than they taking responsibility for their devaluing of others, poor attitudes, and manipulation that can border on pathological obsession. Controlling people cannot hear the word "no" ("no," by the way, is the very first and important boundary every human being must learn in order to be a healthy individual), but they have little if any trouble telling you "no." Basically the contollers here are saying a resounding NO to your and others boundaries. There is little regard for your person, your desires, your opinions, and your dreams. As for the grandmother, true love cannot be demanded it can only be freely shown, freely given. Grandma needs deep, long-term counseling. If I may also say, Hijinks, your laid-back ways may very well be a coping mechanism of countering the abusive example of your father. Trust me, I have so much in common with you its not funny. I wish I could talk to you face to face. There is a ton more I could share that would be helpful. And, yes, protect the children. [/QUOTE]

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