Upgrade your account to a Community Supporter account and remove most of the site ads.

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Chimera" data-source="post: 2470782" data-attributes="member: 2002">I've known so many people in this life who have completely written off their parents and/or parts of their family.  It is truly sad, but in virtually every case, I completely support what these people have done for their own safety and peace of mind.My father was very abusive.  I put an end to the physical abuse when I was 16.  Not going to go into that here.  At the age of 22, I taught him a lesson about the verbal stuff by leaving him standing on a staircase holding the bottom end of a very heavy freezer.  For ten minutes.  I simply got sick of his abuse, told him that I wasn't going to take it anymore and walked back into the house, leaving him standing there unable to move.  Ten minutes later I walked out and told him that he was never going to speak to me that way again or he would never see me again as long as he lived.  Only when he showed me that he 'got the message' did I help him finish moving the freezer.  It produced as much of a radical change in his behavior as the physical solution did.About fifteen years later, while helping me work on my own house, he fell back into the old patterns and crossed the line.  While he was standing on a ladder holding a heavy window, I refused to take the window from his hands while I cut loose on him verbally.  I told him that it was my house and I ruled there.  That I would not tolerate him speaking to me in that manner in my own house or my own yard and that he could stop that crap that very moment or he could pack up, go home and never return.My father has "gotten it" over the years and made major strides in NOT being the man he was when I was younger.  A good portion of that I credit to my willingness to speak up and conflict with him when it came to his behavior towards me.A few years back my sister and brother-in-law started having problems with his mother.  Man, that woman is evil!  Telling him that he's a bad father, telling him he's a bad son, badmouthing my sister, ignoring their step-granddaughter, etc.  Finally they cut her off for a while, having no contact.  At the same time, his sister and her husband also cut her off - kind of a family boycott of their own mother.  At present, they're keeping contact to a minimum and watching carefully for any further signs of trouble.The bottom line is that "Family" is no excuse for abusive behavior and NO ONE should feel that they absolutely HAVE to maintain contact with evil people just because they happen to be "family".  Move on.  Make your own family.</blockquote>

Verification