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Message: <blockquote data-quote="BlackSilver" data-source="post: 2493066" data-attributes="member: 22250">Better late then never I supposeSorry for the lateness of this response, but I was cruising through and saw this thread and instantly thought of my Mom.People that are critical of you will never “get it” (least in my experience).  When someone is your friend or your loved one, they should not harm you with insults and attacks (no matter how jesting they are, or how critical they are).  They claim that they love you.  First thing you should understand (if you don’t already) is that- these people that use critical statements are only trying to rise themselves up, because they see something in you that they can not be- either you are smarter then they are which generally has the insult of “stupid” or “fat” because they have a poor self image or what have you.  It is all about them or in their case the “me.”People that say “I love you,” then finish the comment “fat cow,” is not someone that you need to waste much time on.  I know he is your father, and I know you think you have to love him, because he’s your father, but you do not have to love him.  You only have to thank him for contributing to your life, then move on.If you want to confront them (you sound as though there are more then just your father) about statements made then be prepared to back up what you say with an eternal response.  “I want you to stop making critical comments about me.  If you don’t stop doing this (give examples), I will have to take my family and leave you until you understand.”  Which more then likely (was for me) the most difficult thing you will ever do.(Nine years after my last contact with my Mom I found myself in her presence again.  It was back to the same old stuff.  I told her (in essence) that my life was mine and that she had no power over me, and if she didn’t like it then leave.  She left.  My brother (who sided with her originally), has maintained contact- even done some very surprising things (paid my doctor bill and hospital stay).  If my Mom wants into my life then she can accept me for who I am, and apologize for the things she has done (I already have).)If these critical people cannot change, cannot accept who you are then leave them, they will not be healthy to your family and yourself. Remember this though- if they can apologize and change, and then give them the chance.  An apology is a very powerful thing, anyone that cares about you that gives an apology should be taken seriously, if they turn back to their old ways then point this out in a calm and kind fashion (do not take another round of abuse, even for a second).  Ask for an apology, if none are forth coming then say good-bye again.I miss my parents greatly, my brother came to me (after my incident) and asked me to forgive him and I did.  It was a very powerful moment, one that took so much from my inner pain away.  I want that love of my father and my mother, and I don’t want my brother to have to go around behind their back to call me, but I do not ever think she will change.   <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" />  Sorry for the length of this response.  I have been through a lot and when I see someone that is having problems I get a little rantie.   :\</blockquote>

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