Death in the party

[Umbran]

No, I am not talking about character death. I'm talking about player death.

One of my players has brain cancer, and he's going to die. Not tomorrow, not next week, but soon enough, he's going to pass. I went to pay him a visit yesterday, and he was talking about making sure we understood who to talk to to find out about memorials when he's gone.

He's been away from the table for a while now, as chemotherapy isn't conducive to half-hour long drives to play, and he just didn't have the energy. The nature of his illness makes it so he suffers from aphasia (sometimes, the words he wants just don't come to mind). He's lucid, he can clearly understand what's going on around him, and enjoys when we tell him about things. But he has a hard time holding up his end of a conversation. This of a man who earned his Laurel in the SCA for telling stories, for those who now what that means.

So, for the collected folks - how have you dealt with the loss of a player in this final sense?

Even though he's been away from the table for a long time now, I am starting to wonder if I'm going to want to retire the campaign when he passes.

 

[Bedrockgames]

Sorry to hear about your friend. That sounds terrible.

Thankfully I haven't had this sort of loss in any of my groups over the years. I certainly think that retiring the campaign would be appropriate if that is what you wish to do.

 

[Morrus]

We lost a friend - and player - to suicide. We didn't retire the campaign; we felt that he was so much more than part of a campaign that that would feel an odd thing to do. When it comes to this sort of thing, a D&D game is so inconsequential. It would feel like reducing his identity. But everyone feels differently, and you have to do what feels right.

 

[Ketherian]

The game I was in fell apart before our friend passed away from stomach cancer.
Afterwards, he didn't have the energy to join the next game (and his very long trips to get chemo didn't help). In the end a mutual friend held a wake for him. Those who knew the deceased best said he'd have wanted us to continue to game - to keep playing for so long as we had the enjoyment and the interest.

If your friend is willing, I'd talk to him about it. How would he like you to continue after he passes. Never an easy topic; but it might give him comfort knowing his wishes have an impact on your future.

 

[Janx]

man that's really tough news. Granted, this be something you been seeing coming for a while.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way here. Like Morrus said.

if it don't hurt, keep the campaign going because that campaign is a memorial to your friend. His contribution is embedded in it. To drop it, ain't quite like dropping him, but it's a shame to not reinforce a shared memory among his friends.

I think the important thing is to do what you and your friends need to do to say good bye, and mourn a loss that's gonna take awhile to finish.

My condolences for all of you.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

I've never been in this situation, though I came close: a campaign never started because one of the prospective players- a good friend to several others in the group- committed suicide. Fractured the group.

My advice is 2-fold:

1) ask your group about how they'd like to handle it.

2) if it is too hard for YOU to run the game,you should shut it down.

 

[Holy Bovine]

Like Umbran I too have a friend who will soon pass due to advanced cancer. he's lived with it for 5 years and that was beating the odds - he was originally told he'd be dead within a year of diagnosis. The campaign I'm running is for him - I want to keep in touch with him and he has always loved our D&D sessions. I really don't think I will continue the game after he is gone. Hell it might be quite some time before I even want to run/play a game again to be honest.

 

[ExploderWizard]

Condolences all around. One member of our group died due to heart problems back in 07. Another died suddenly in his sleep at age 38 early the following year. Enjoy every moment with your friends that you can. Great memories last a lifetime but none of us really knows how long that will be.

 

[Umbran]

if it don't hurt, keep the campaign going because that campaign is a memorial to your friend.

That is the basic conflict here. I think for a couple of the players, it would become a rather constant reminder that he wasn't in his chair at the table. If they group were not already pulling close to dealing with the BBEGs, it wouldn't jump readily to mind - but as it is I have the thought that pulling it more quickly to a close might be better than adding more BBEGs for the future. Every good story has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and it may be that we want to end this one, and start a new one.

 

[Bedrockgames]

Condolences all around. One member of our group died due to heart problems back in 07. Another died suddenly in his sleep at age 38 early the following year. Enjoy every moment with your friends that you can. Great memories last a lifetime but none of us really knows how long that will be.

Wow, 38 is pretty young. Sorry to hear about that.