Descriptive phrases and expressions...

[kenobi65]

Ever heard the one:
"It's colder than a witch's +i+ in a brass bra"

Had never heard the longer version of that (with the bra).

Growing up, I heard the shorter version a lot (grew up in Wisconsin, where it does get a mite bit nippy from time to time), as well as:
"Colder than a welldigger's [heinie]"
"Colder than a brass monkey" (apparently wearing a witch's brassiere)

 

[werk]

Ever heard the one:
"It's colder than a witch's +i+ in a brass bra"
I have no idea where that came from or how it even makes sense, but my grandpa says it all the time.

And yes, if you aren't too "quick on the draw" + = t

Yeah, my mom is wonderful for saying things like that. The above being one of her faves.

Also:
Killing snakes with a fence post (being in a reckless hurry)
Sucking hind +i+ (being last, or slow)
Useless as +i+s on a boar (self explanitory)
You'll strain your egg sack (that is too heavy to lift/carry)

She also calls chicken breasts chicken boobies, because, I guess, breast is a bad word?


edit: nice Kenobi! The welldigger one made me remember another one, I think it went "Blacker than a chimney sweeps hat." something like that.

 

[kenobi65]

She also calls chicken breasts chicken boobies, because, I guess, breast is a bad word?

But "boobies" is just fine, I see.

Reminds me of an old episode of "All in the Family." The housekeeper was making "chicken breasts with chiss" (she was Hispanic, and that's how "cheese" came out), and Archie got all flustered at the use of the word "breasts", so he made her call them "chicken chests with chiss."

 

[Jesus_marley]

As the OP on this one, I just remembered a couple of others..

Hard lookin' rig - To describe someone who has a very low Charisma score.

Beaten with a bag of hammers - See above

Slower than cold molasses - self explanatory

 

[kenobi65]

Beaten with a bag of hammers - See above

Reminds me of a series of expressions we have for "stupid":
- Dumb as a post
- Dumb as a box of rocks
- Dumb as a bag of hammers

For "unattractive", we tend use "got beaten with the ugly stick".

 

[Jesus_marley]

For "unattractive", we tend use "got beaten with the ugly stick".

I always liked "Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

 

[Heckler]

"Colder than a brass monkey" (apparently wearing a witch's brassiere)

I heard an interesting story behind this one. Back in the day when ships kept a supply of cannonballs on hand, they used metal slabs with indentations on them to store the cannonballs on. To avoid having the cannonballs and slab corrode and become stuck together, they made these slabs out of brass, and they were referred to as "brass monkeys."

Now, this worked pretty well, unless it got cold. Really cold. Colder than a witches...nevermind...but when it gets really really cold, metal contracts. And apparently brass contracts more than iron(or whatever cannonballs are made of) so that when it got really really cold the cannonballs would pop out of their shrunken indentations on the brass monkey and start rolling about the deck.

All of this leads us to the original phrase, "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."

And that's...the rest of the story.

 

[Aurora]

That history lesson was brought to you by the letter "H" and the number 12.

I love the ugly tree one. Man, that is priceless.

How about more cliches describing people with a low intelligence score

"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
"Not playing with a full deck."
"One brick short of a full load."

 

[kenobi65]

I always liked "Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

Oooh, dat's a good one.

 

[Scotley]

My father is fond of the expression "she could chase a haint up a thorn tree" to describe an unattractive person. A 'haint' being a type of frightening ghost in the lore of the south and applachia.

to continue Aurora's list

"his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor."
"not the sharpest tool in the shed."
"a pickle short of a barrel."
"a few beers short of a sixpack."
"Knitting with only one needle."
"2 clowns short of a circus."
"eating with only one chopstick."
"too much yardage between the goal posts"
"a few fries short of a happy meal."

To describe a person who is all talk and no action.

"all hat and no cattle."
"all plow and no tractor."
"all buscuits and no gravy."