D&D General Disparity in PC levels from same party

[Lanefan]

We would never play differing levels ever again. Old school PC death, energy/level drain, and even Wish/Deck of Many Things level-change shenanigans, subjective individual XP awards that not everyone acquires, all of them were disruptive to the party balance, even if it is a perceived imbalance. Some PCs will forever be behind everyone else unless the DM invents some reason to close the gap. And if the DM does decide to close the gap, then the justification for entire system that allowed it in the first place was flawed. Telling someone that they will forever be behind everyone else is rough.

If levels are a bit more easy come, easy go, then the character who's a bit behind today might be a bit ahead tomorrow.

A player and friend who has family responsibilities and can't make every session should not be punished by falling behind. Our respect for our real life relationships should matter more than the story.

Why would they fall behind for missing a session? Their character's still there with the party and still doing things, right? Therefore it should get the xp it earns, just like everyone else.

That said, if a player's repeatedly blowing off the game "just because" rather than for legitimate reasons, that's a different issue; and it's probably time to find a replacement player.

As a cooperative game, the effective balance/contributions of every player is far more important than this particular illusion of verisimilitude that not everyone is equal. There are already other aspects of the game that can showcase a difference in effectiveness, whether class/subclass/species design components, min-maxing, motivation, engagement, or skill levels in reading, math, reasoning, or cunning. It's a game. At least design the mechanical aspect so that everyone in the same party has the opportunity to contribute equally at the same level.

And then use the mechanics to reward the players who actually take that opportunity (in the fiction as their characters) to contribute over those who do not. If I-as-player just sit there all night and don't have my character(s) get involved in much then my characters shouldn't get as many xp as those who did get involved.

Put another way: use the mechanics to encourage engagement rather than to cater to passengers.