Does an elf poop in the woods?

[occam]

A few days ago, I was working with my six-year-old daughter on her first D&D character, an elven cleric. We were going over her background, and I was describing the typical wood-elven village: dwellings constructed among the branches of mighty trees, etc. I used Galadriel and the elves of Lothlorien from The Fellowship of the Ring and the Ewoks from Return of the Jedi as examples; she came up with the cloud bears from the Dungeons & Dragons animated series.

Anyway, then she asked where the elves went to the bathroom. Huh. The question threw me for a second, then I told her they dig holes to serve as latrines. Trust a six-year-old to spot the practical difficulties of living in trees.

And you know, until that moment, in all my years of reading fantasy fiction and playing RPGs, the image of an elf squatting over a hole in the ground is one that had never crossed my mind.

BTW, Eric's Grandma is cool with "poop", right?

One more: We were buying equipment, and I asked her if she wanted a bedroll.

Daughter: "What's a bedroll?"
Me: "It's like a sleeping bag."
Daughter: "But elves don't sleep, so I don't need one."
​

Oh, right, good call. You catch on quickly, my young pupil.

As you can imagine, I'm looking forward to the first adventure.

Points of discussion:

• Do you have any stories of kids bringing a different perspective to the game?
• Are there more exotic ways in which elves might... take care of business?

 

[Dragonbait]

Silly occam. Elves are so perfect that their body uses all the chemiclas, materials, and the like that they consume and drink. Elves don't go poop. That's something gross that is left for the lesser races, like humans.

 

[GlassJaw]

Huh. And I always thought elves pooped gumdrops.

 

[Deset Gled]

Is Vadania druish?

 

[Celebrim]

Anyway, then she asked where the elves went to the bathroom. Huh. The question threw me for a second, then I told her they dig holes to serve as latrines. Trust a six-year-old to spot the practical difficulties of living in trees.

This being medieval themed, I imagine that elven cities are only slightly more worried about sanitation than modern ones. In human cities, you simply toss the contents of your chamber pot out into the street and hope that the rain deals with the problem. You count yourself near the pinnicle of civilization if you have covered gutters to wash the filth into, and not merely a ditch down the middle of the street.

Seeing as the elves live less densely and in a more bioactive environment, they can probably get away with garderrobes on outlying branches of thier forest city. Cess pits and sewage systems optional.

 

[kenobi65]

Elves don't go poop.

Note the constipated expression on every elven face.

 

[Festivus]

And here I thought that elves invented modern plumbing and thus had potties in thier treehouses.

 

[S'mon]

I reckon elves have small firm stool like rabbit droppings, which they collect in wooden chamber pots and periodically use to fertilise the fields of elf grain from which is made the famous labelas, or elf-bread...


...What?

 

[kenobi65]

Seeing as the elves live less densely and in a more bioactive environment, they can probably get away with garderrobes on outlying branches of thier forest city. Cess pits and sewage systems optional.

Elf garderobe cleaner: on the next episode of Dirty Jobs

 

[Tonguez]

"no Son Thats Not An Edible Fungus!!!!"