Don't laugh..... it's here.

A real tongue lashing

Graywolf-ELM said:
But you can't stop there....

And so I won't........

The party pushes a reluctant Gronar down the hallway and into a wide four-way. To the south lies the only visible room from their vantage point. The room is a thirty by thirty square with a large wooden table knocked over on it's side dominating the center of the room, it's feet point outward towards the party, while sheets of parchment lie strewn about on the floor behind the table.

The back wall is decorated by a rack full of whips, scourges, flails, and other manual torture devices. The rack runs the length of the entire back wall and appears to be completely stocked save for one missing flail.

"Now this is my kind of room!" Lothred exclaims

*snap* *moan*

The cracking sound of a whip followed by a painful sob echoes from behind the overturned table. Gronar and Korg fan out to flank the table, while Finrod inches up directly behind the table. Lothred ignores the strategic placement of giants, and in an unconcerned stroll, makes his way past the on guard Gronar and to the rack of items at the back of the room.

Gronar and Korg peek around the table and find a prone troll laying in it's own greenish blood, with a flail in his right hand, and clutching a writhing small pink tongue in his left hand.

"Fascinating." Lothred declares in his monotone voice

Gronar switches weapons to his long spear, and prods the bleeding troll with the blunt end of the spear.

"Ugh." The troll's head lops to it's right side and slowly opens it's eyes to Gronar. The troll's eyes have a glazed over sheen to them and the troll appears to vaguely sense that it is no longer alone.

"What stinky troll doing?" Gronar demands

The troll weakly holds out the flail to Gronar and in a voice wracked with pain answers: "You turn?"

As Gronar sinks away from the offered weapon, Lothred steps up and accepts the device.

"Gladly." Lothred answers and brings the flail down upon the troll's chest with all his might. The troll howls in pain as blood spatters across the rack wall.

"Do more." The troll instructs, Lothred raises the weapon again only to have his hand stilled by the massive grasp of Korg.

"Elfy no hit stinky troll again." The hill giant chides Lothred

"What? He asked for it, literally." Lothred criticizes

"More." The troll commands

"No, stinky troll get up and tell Korg where elfys are." Korg dictates

The troll pulls itself up into a sitting position and sticks the tongue it holds in it's hand into his own face. The tongue immediately goes to work licking at the torn flesh and spilled blood upon the troll's head.

"Interesting, I must get my one of those. How do you make them?" Lothred asks

The troll points at Finrod and holds up the tongue for Lothred to see. A rippling surge of despair washes over Finrod and Luciann as they realize where the tongue comes from. Finrod lowers his sun sword as his eyes flow down from the wagging tongue to the pooling blood on the floor beneath the troll. His eyes sit suspended on the blood of the troll for a moment then flare up to meet the troll's, Finrod grabs the edge of the desk and hurdles the obstacle. The elf raises his blade as he clears the desk, Gronar and Korg both swing theirs arms out to halt the infuriated warrior.

Both giant's fists slam into Finrod, causes the lithe elf to tumble over backwards and land waist first on top of the desk, Finrod's blade slips from his hands as his breath is knocked from his lungs. Emotion wells up from within as Finrod's anger is left unabated as his body lies perched jackknifed on the desk. Luciann raises his hand to cast a spell, and both giants yell "No!" at the elven wizard.

"We talk to stinky troll first." Gronar explains

The giants push the desk further away from the downed troll and kneel in front of it. Finrod pulls himself up to a sitting position and watches intently the interrogation of the troll.

"What stinky troll name?" Gronar asks

"Duh..." Comes the troll's response as droll dribbles out from the crook of the troll's mouth

"What Duh do here?" Gronar inquires

"Guard." Replies the troll

"What Duh guard?" Gronar continues

"Mistress." Comes the answer

"Huh? What was that last part? Something about a lady. No?" Paquito interjects

"Where mistress now?" Korg asks

"Bath." The troll says as it points to the west.

"Hey, what's in this room?" Ratchet inquires as he pulls down a filthy moth ridden blanket off of the wall to reveal a door in the east wall.

"What in that room?" Gronar asks

"Things." The troll answers

"Shiny things?" Gronar asks

"Magic things?" Korg follows

The troll's gaze quickly shifts back and forth as it searches it's meager brain for the answer.

"Things." Comes the singular reply

"Elfy, open door." Gronar instructs

"Wha.... Me? Are you trying to get me killed?" Finrod protests

"Fine I'll do it." Ratchet says as he turns the handle and gives the door a hard pull.

The door resists the gnome's efforts initially, but soon acquiesces to Ratchet's insistence. The far wall in the room beyond is lined with square shaped marble doors, in six rows of four each. The doors themselves are only four square feet and are adorned with tarnished silver handles.

"Treasure!" Gronar exclaims as he leaps for the door and scopes up Ratchet with the same motion.

Lothred smirks at the giant's hysteria, "Oh I'm sure there are 'things' in there for you to find." The tiefling states.

Luciann, Finrod, Gronar/Ratchet, Korg, and Omar all move up to the room's entrance to get a better look inside.

Omar stops dead in his track as his eyes take in the sight, he watches as Gronar grabs a handle and begins to pull on it to get the drawer open. Only then does he realize what the room's purpose is. "Stop! I don't think you want to do that!"
Now that they're cooked, I just need some chocolate.

Gronar rips the drawer free from it's lock, ten feet from him Luciann does the same, and ten feet from Luciann Finrod forces open a drawer as well. Gronar's drawer pulls open a full five feet out from the wall, lying in the bottom of the drawer is the half eaten remains of a troll. Cobwebs can be seen covering it's exposed spine. Both eyes are missing from their respective sockets and it's mouth has been sewed shut. Gronar takes a hard look around the body, but seeing nothing of value, prepares to shut the drawer.

Movement catches the hill giant's eye and taking another look at the body, Gronar beholds the troll's skin undulating in it's arms and across it's forehead. Disgusted, Gronar shoves the drawer closed, the drawer bounces into it's resting spot and pops back open just a little. The sounds of fleshing ripping and mandibles twitching echo from the drawer. Gronar readies his greatsword for battle as a mass of tiny black spiders issue forth from the open space around the drawer.

Luciann, who had watched Gronar slam his drawer shut, picks up a faint clicking sound as if a hundred tiny boots were walking across a metal plate. He looks down upon his troll corpse and watches in horror as hundreds of tiny black spiders boil forth from the skin of the troll. The spiders move with unearthly speed and close the distance to the standing elf in no time. Luciann, no sooner takes a step back from the corpse, finds his boots covered in spiders. The elf shakes his boots furiously as he screams for help.

Finrod had leaned over to see what was in Luciann's drawer, and by the time the spiders erupted from that corpse he was already five feet away from the spiders churning out of his drawer. Finrod takes another step back and swings his sword in a low arc trying to keep the little arachnids at bay.

Gronar kicks his drawer again in an attempt to close it, as his foot nears the drawer, the hands of the troll appear on the top of the drawer bracing it for impact. Gronar kicks anyway and crushes the bones in every finger of both hands, but the drawer does not close. Like flowing water, the spiders cascade up the giant's leg biting him along the way. Gronar howls in pain as the spiders quickly reach his waist.

Korg grabs the flailing right arm of Gronar and yanks his fellow hill giant back ten feet through the air, then helps brush off the remaining spiders on his leg. The fallen spiders quickly regroup and join with the advancing swarm issuing from the open drawer.

"I am useless in this battle, I have nothing that can affect a thing such as this. No?" Paquito laments

"Hey, you have oil?" Omar inquires

"Yes, but I hardly see the use in making a salad at this point in time. No?"

"Throw your flasks at the open drawers, I'll set them on fire." Omar instructs

Paquito reaches into his backpack and pulls three flasks of oil free, he launches the first flask at the drawer Gronar was in front of, the flask hits just above the open drawer and shatters, spilling oil over the eight drawers surrounding the one the flask broke upon.

"Aren't you going to help?" Sillaqui asked a busy Lothred

"I want to get this desk open first." Lothred replies trying jimmy the lock on a drawer with a small knife.

"Aren't you concerned they'll all perish?" Sillaqui asks

"Not really, two giants, a minotaur, two pansies, and two arm rests are more than enough to take on whatever they find in that room." Lothred continues, "Haha, I got it!"

Lothred heaves the drawer out from the desk and dumps it's contents on the floor.

"Duck!" Omar yells as he calls forth a small flame that hovers in place within his right palm, the dwarf then takes aim and tosses the flame at the oil slick Paquito's flasks had made.

Instantly the top ten feet of wall, where Gronar once stood in front of, bursts into flame. Hundreds of tiny screams are drowned out by the crackling of exploding spiders. Paquito next aims at the drawer Luciann stands in front of, only where there once was Luciann now stood a five foot tall mound of spiders. Luciann's entire body had been covered by the crawling spiders, brief flashes of elven skin could be seen as Luciann fought to rid the spiders from his face. The spiders sought out every open orifice, crawling up the elf's nose, through his ears, forcing their mass into his mouth, seeking out other openings covered by layers of clothing.

Paquito wavered on where to throw the flask and this caused his aim to be off as he tossed the flask and barely cleared Luciann's head. The flask burst open on the ground just beyond Luciann and near the base of the drawer wall. Irritated at his poor throw, Paquito stepped just inside the room and to the right of the door, he took his last flask in hand and visualized where he needed it to break.

Finrod run past the minotaur on his way out of the room, Paquito focus was momentarily lost and he watches as the spiders that Finrod had loosed march their way towards an ever growing helpless Luciann. Paquito raises his flask and the bottle flies out of his hand as Paquito's hand went back. The flask shatters at the hooves of the minotaur and the oil within splashes up the legs of Paquito.

Sillaqui watches the chaos from the current safety of the desk, "Looks like the spiders are going to devour Luciann as you drop your drawers all over the room."

Lothred barley heeded her ramblings, but the word spiders caught his attention, "Spiders? What are you talking about?"

Sillaqui points to within the room at the battle taking place. Lothred wanders over and sees the top half of the room engulfed in flames while Finrod and Paquito flee the room and run past the magister. With an annoyed visage, Lothred walks up to the room's threshold and points his staff at Luciann.

"Help me!" Luciann's words are choked off when a massive influx of arachnids flood his mouth, biting his tongue and gagging his throat.

"Steady yourself, I'm going to ram you into the fire!" Omar yells

As the dwarf starts his charge, Lothred's spell is unleashed and a great burst of wind gushes into Luciann, knocking the elf prone face first and about half of the spiders that were covering him. Omar stumbles over the now prone Luciann and lands hands first into the spilled oil from Paquito's second toss. The flame in Omar's hand immediately ignites the oil and chars the regrouping spiders, Omar stands up amid the conflagration and smoking arachnid carcasses and dives on the downed Luciann.

Omar burns the spiders crawling over Luciann's back and sets his cloak on fire in the process, Korg reaches in and drags Luciann from the room and flings him into racks of torture devices room. Finrod and Ratchet go to work cleaning off the reaming spiders, Lothred hefts up Luciann and performs the Heimlich Maneuver causing Luciann to cough up gouts of phlegm, spiders, and blood.

Gronar slams his palm down on the burning Omar in hopes of dousing the flames.

"Stop! I'll be fine!" Omar shouts

"Get out of room!" Gronar shouts

Once Omar is clear the hill giant slams the door closed again, smoke wafts from around the door frame for a couple of minutes as the party catches their breath.

"We're going to have to find someplace to hold up in, some of us are far too injured to even walk." Ratchet advises as he points out Luciann.

"We can't wait, the longer we dally trying to find treasure for the giants the greater the chance all the elves will be dead when we find them." Finrod objects

"Bah, they're dead anyway. The lawn ornament is right, we're low on spells and healthy bodies. To continue now would be suicide." Lothred speaks up

"I too cannot stay here much longer. No? Resting would not be prudent now No?" Paquito interjects

"Why? What do you care if these elves are found?" Ratchet inquires

"It is not the elves that have me worried. No?"

"I too share your fear." Sillaqui says to the two members of the party that can understand her.
Somebody needs to get a room

"Alright, out with it bullman. I've no patience for your innuendos and abbreviated truths." Finrod erupts

"I have a means to transport us back to my maze, but the magic to do so will expire in a matter of hours. No?"

"What? Were you going to keep this knowledge to yourself and then teleport out at your convenience?" Finrod fumes

"Aye, I believe that's exactly what he was thinking." Omar speaks up

"Surely my gift of information pertaining to this trinket is a sign that I was not going to leave the rest of you here. No?"

"Then why wait 'til now? Why not tell us this when we got here?" Finrod demands

"What, and ruin the surprise? Paquito did not want this quest to end because you softies couldn't handle a few trolls, and decided to cut loose before the elves were rescued." Lothred speaks up

The teiflings words sink in and make sense to the elves and Omar and they back down from their stance.

"Besides," Lothred continues "He told me he was only going to take himself, Sillaqui, and I back with him anyway."

The teiflings words have barely fallen upon their ears before Finrod, Luciann, and Omar were drawing weapons and bringing an offensive spell to the forefront of their minds.

"Shh..." Dur breathes from behind a finger pressed to his lips

The unexpected direction of the sound catches the quarreling party members attention, as they along with the giants and Ratchet turn to face the troll.

"Queen." The troll says as it points to the west.

"Maybe the queen knows where the elves are being kept?" Omar asks

"Elves." The troll says while pointing up

"The elves are up there?" Finrod clarifies

The troll nods his head.

"How get up there?" Gronar asks

"Ladder." The troll says as it points to the west

"I like this guy, extremely efficient with his words and when he gets out of line, he'll beat himself for it. No?"

Luciann spins around and peers out at the north and northwest passageways.

"What's there?" Luciann asks pointing to the northern passage

"Books." Comes the troll's reply

"Magic books?" Lothred's ears perk up

The troll shrugs it's shoulders. "No touch." It says as it points a clawed finger at itself

"You're right, I won't touch you." Lothred replies to a confused looking troll.

"What about there?" Luciann points to the northwest.

"Skinner." The troll replies

"What's that?" Luciann asks

"Mean." Dur answers

"Must be some troll, probably a captain of the guard, or at least captain of the queen's guard." Ratchet ponders

"Well no time like the present." Lothred says as he strides out into the four-way intersection and heads north towards the books the troll pointed out.

"Where are you going? The elves are this way." Finrod tries to shout through whispered breath.

"Go save your elves, I'm not stopping you. Just swing back through down here when you're done and get me on the way out." Lothred says, waving off the elf.

Lothred nears the northern passage's entrance when obscene moaning sounds echo off the walls behind him.

"Funny guys, come get me when you're done." Lothred shouts back and his voice echoes through the passage. The teifling turns one last time before leaving the intersection and sees that the rest of the party remains behind, none of them paying the magister any attention.

The moaning echoes past Lothred again and this time he focuses on the party yet the noise seems to not be issuing from them. Intrigued, Lothred returns to the middle of the intersection and listens again for the moaning.

Korg spots the lithe Lothred bent over at an odd angle in the intersection. Confused the hill giant walks out and joins the teifling.

"What Elfy doing?" Korg wonders aloud

"Shh, listen." Lothred silences the giant

Korg prepared to protest the teifling's attitude when he too heard the low moaning. The two men's eyes meet and understanding past between them. Korg's cheeks became flushed as a shy little smile ran across his lips.

"It's got to be coming from that direction, from the queen's area." Lothred tells the hill giant

By this time the rest of the party looked on as the two disproportionate men stood gaping towards the western passage. Korg feels a dozen eyes on his back and turns to face the party, he then waves the members out into the intersection.

"Shshhh, hear." Korg tells the rest of the party

The sound bounces out from the western passageway and briefly surrounds the party before heading off into oblivion. Paquito shifts nervously on his hooves, his brain trying in vain to tell his ears they're mishearing some alien noise. His brain was winning when the second wave came through the intersection and Paquito was off like a racehorse on derby day.

The minotaur charged the western corridor like it was a billowing red blanket, the corridor took a sharp southern turn and Paquito barely rounded it as his wide horn rack scraped the side of the turn wall. Twenty feet and craning neck later, Paquito stood at the entrance to a steam filled room.

A smaller room's entrance poked out from the eastern side of the room's wall. While the center of the room was dominated by a huge throne that glistened in the flickering light from an overhead candelabra. The throne seemed to heave and twitch, and as the rest of the party members entered the room, Paquito's improved vision began to pick out details on the throne.

The entirety of the throne was made up of moving tongues. Hundreds of them of all shapes, sizes, and colors, writhed with a semblance of life. Paquito stepped closer as another moan filled the room, the sound came from the throne itself.

Korg and Gronar moved in to flank either side of the throne, from their heightened vantage point, the two giants noticed a flaw in the throne, the front of it stuck out too far, almost as if something was sitting in the chair.

Dur dropped to one knee. "Queen."

Paquito's neck twisted to look at the humbled troll and then back at the throne. It was then that he spotted the flailing legs that leapt off the throne as if by reflex only to quickly return to the lapping tongues. Omar held up a torch flame from the rear of the party and black-green contorted face of a troll came into view from within the mass of tongues.

It's eyes closed tightly in ecstasy, oblivious to the threat that surrounded it. Paquito stepped up to the foot of the dais the throne sat upon, and could make out the entire form of the nude female troll sitting within it's self-imposed saliva prison.

Gronar reached out a finger and touched one of the top wagging tongues, the appendage instinctively began to wind it's way around the giant's finger, wetting Gronar's digit with an unnatural amount of saliva.

"Ugh." Gronar snorted and speared the tongue off the top of the throne.

As the muscle flew through the air, it change from it's original pink color to a bluish-black color. When it collided with the floor the tongue burst apart in a small dust cloud, leaving it's dry memory to dampen in the high moisture of the room.

"Gross. What do we do with her?" Luciann inquires pointing at the euphoric troll.
Jon Potter said:
Paquito should fit right in here. He's a cunning linguist, no?


HM, you're a sick, sick person.
I'm over that cold, thanks for the concern. ;) :lol:

If you think my level of depravity is high, wait 'til you see what the party does after their next encounter.... :eek:

Oh and no reason to assume, I am a male. In fact the whole group is male, although I keep asking Gronar's player's wife to join us (as she plays in the other game he's in). No such luck yet though (probably too scared of Paquito, I don't blame her). :p
Kung-Fu gnomes and penetrating gazes

"Hey Paquito, while you're gawking up there, just think what a troll-minotaur baby would look like. A giant pile of feces with horns." Lothred announces from the back of the room

"True, but it would have a great pedigree. No?" Paquito replies

"Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick." Sillaqui intones

"That's his job. No?" Paquito replies pointing at Finrod.

Of course the rest of the party just hear Sillaqui and then Paquito reply to her while pointing at Finrod.

"What are you saying? Are you trying to get me killed?" Finrod erupts in paranoia

Paquito shrugs his shoulders and sheepishly grins back at Finrod before giving him a "thumbs up" sign.

"EEEEELCH!" A piercing scream shatters Paquito's right eardrum just prior to a gangly arm whipping past his neck.

Korg and Gronar watch as the troll queen begins to emerge from her basting bath. The two giants look at each other and shout "Now!"

Both giant's weapons rain down upon the soaked troll, sending spraying streams of black troll blood towards the ceiling when they upswing.

The troll queen stands upon her throne, back to the party, eyeing the two giants with viscous malice. Her wounded shoulders ooze onto the lapping tongues, which move to lick and caress the wounds. By the time the giants are ready to bring their weapons to bear against her a second time, her wounds are a mere scratch.

"We're going to need to kill off those tongues in order to stop her!" Finrod shouts and moves up behind Paquito

"Why would we want that? It's a magnificent magical device, I should like to take it home with me." Lothred objects

"I don't think the queen is going to just let you take it." Ratchet advises

"Well, she can come with it, I'll need a consort anyway, better to have one that can heal herself after a night of vigorous flogging." Lothred answers while nudging and winking at Ratchet

Luciann unleashes a flurry of magic missiles into the back of the queen. Omar produces another flame in his hand and throws it at the queen, it lands on her head and the immediately bursts into a roaring flame as oils and excretions in the troll's hair ignite.

Looking more like a gaunt azer than a troll, the queen turns to face the rest of the party, as she does so she kneels on the throne and arches her head back so that the tongue's caresses can extinguish the fire.

The two giants beat on her again with their weapons, this time however, Gronar uses a sweeping motion and shaves off a few tongues with each strike, before his blade slices into the troll queen's arm and ribs. The tongues undulate in the air as their severed part turns a sickly pale color and land with a thud, akin to dropped stone, upon the dirt floor.

Dur remains kneeled, head down, unwilling to view his queen in her au natural state. Ratchet looses a searing light into the face of the queen, burning and scaring her already blackened face. Finrod shoves his right shoulder into the back of a drooling Paquito, before making his way up to the throne's platform on the dais.

The troll queen uses her long legs to trip Finrod as he approaches her with his blade up high. Finrod stumbles face first into a mass of wagging tongues at the base of the throne. The tongues instinctively latch onto and draw the elf's head into their salivating grasp.

Unprepared for the squirming of tongues on his scalp, Finrod drops his weapon and tries to pull himself free, but to no avail. Luciann throws another round of magic missiles at the troll, while Omar waddles up to the dais, intent on freeing Finrod.

"You gonna help, or do I get to flame strike you for smoking flavor while we dine on cooked troll tonight?" Ratchet says emphasizing his disdain towards Lothred's inactivity thus far.

"You wanna go at it now lawn ornament?" Lothred says flinging his cloak open and lowering his staff to Ratchet's head level

Ratchet shoves Lothred's staff down into the ground beneath him and then grabbing the staff with his left hand he vaults himself onto the staff feet first. Lothred watches in amazement as the little man runs up his staff headed right for Lothred. Lothred drops his staff, but ratchet continues to plow forward, as the staff descends towards the ground, Ratchet leaps off as her nears the end of the wood staff and draws his hand back in a fist. He mouths the words to an inflict spell, then nails Lothred's crotch with a fist of serious wounding. The blow crumples the proud magister as Ratchet does a little jig on the back of the fallen tiefling.

Omar reaches the kicking legs of Finrod and tries to pull the elf free of the tongue's grasp, the troll queen reaches down and grabs the dwarf's head like a small bowling ball and hurls Omar through the air to crash into the humble Dur. Both bodies tumble over each other until the come to rest near the howling Lothred.

"Have you come to slay me spawn of Baphomet? Or perhaps you'd like a more livicious endeavor great horned one?" The queen speaks to Paquito through teeth the size of Ratchet's arm and as sharp as Lothred's wit.

Paquito stands silent and motionless in response to the queen's questions.

"Ha, ha, ha! So you've come for your own doom then oh frightened one. I should have known your weak kind is only good for bellowing out their own inadequacies." The queen spits at Paquito then turns her back on the rest of the party to face the two hill giants.

Korg brings his greatsword down upon the troll queen, only to have the queen reach out and grasp the head of the sword and shove the blade into the top of the throne, dozens of tongues immediately grapple the sword and hold it in place. The queen releases the blade and as she does so, she turns her palm face down to run over a couple of tongues who lap up her spilling blood and close the wound to her hand.

"You see? I am a god!" The troll queen smiles at the astounded Korg who is unable to pry his blade free from the throne.

The queen raises her arms in victory as Gronar brings his wide blade whistling down at the troll, the queen reaches out with both hands and cups the blade between her palms. She gives Gronar a wry smile as the giant tries to dislodge his sword.

"What's the matter large one? Feeling inferior?" The queen cackles.

Suddenly a searing pain erupts from the bowels of the queen, she looks down to find a five foot long horn sticking out from her gut, glistening with venom, the horn slowly retracts from it's newly created opening in the queen's abdomen.

The queen staggers forward into the throne's back, she releases her grasp on Gronar's sword and Gronar wastes no time in driving the blade into the back of the troll. The waiting tongues eagerly beginning lapping up the gushing blood, however instead of healing the queen, the tongues wither a drop off like discarded cocoons.

"AAArgh!" The queen spits forth blood from her mouth as she turns to greet a smiling Paquito.

"What's the matter queeny, tongues take a licking but couldn't keep ticking? One thing's for sure, the last thing you'll say you did in life was to get penetrated by the great farmer Paquito. No?"

Korg frees his blade from the tongue's clutches and together with Gronar the two giants shred the queen into spell component parts.

As the din of battle quiets down, a gasping Finrod pries himself free from the throne's grasp, and a weak little voice carries over the sighing room.

"Medic.... I... need... healing....." Lothred's pained voice calls out.

Jon Potter

Ratchet shoves Lothred's staff down into the ground beneath him and then grabbing the staff with his left hand he vaults himself onto the staff feet first. Lothred watches in amazement as the little man runs up his staff headed right for Lothred. Lothred drops his staff, but ratchet continues to plow forward, as the staff descends towards the ground, Ratchet leaps off as her nears the end of the wood staff and draws his hand back in a fist. He mouths the words to an inflict spell, then nails Lothred's crotch with a fist of serious wounding. The blow crumples the proud magister as Ratchet does a little jig on the back of the fallen tiefling.
'Bout time somebody did that! There are a lot of grating folks in this party, but Lothred has my vote for most annoying. How ironic that a mere "lawn ornament" is the one to slap that smug grin off his face.

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Elf, it's what's for dinner.

The two giants and Paquito look over the tongue throne amid the painful wailings of Lothred. Omar has dragged Finrod down the dais and onto the vapor covered dirt floor. Luciann and Sillaqui move up and cover the entrance to the side room, where Dur has pointed out leads to the elves.

"Can someone shut him up? Everything in this place can hear us with his moaning over there." Luciann says of Lothred

No one acknowledges Luciann's plea, leaving the elf to shrug his shoulders and turn back to face the worn rope ladder that hung in the middle of the room he stood outside of.

Sillaqui taps Luciann on the shoulder, and motions to him that she'll be right back.

"What? You're leaving me here to guard this by myself?" Luciann exasperates

Omar helps Finrod to his feet, and looks his face over for any signs of damage.

"No obvious wounds, how do ya feel lad?" Omar asks

"Other than a little nauseated every time I think about having tongues all over my head, I feel better than new." Finrod replies

"Hrm, those things probably healed you like they were doing for the troll. Still better take it easy, there are some things on the planes that impregnate other races in strange ways. Slaad come to mind first, but you shouldn't let it worry you." Omar says, patting Finrod on the shoulder and then walking up to the large members of the party, so he can get a better look at the throne.

Finrod lets Omar's words sink in and then retches on the ground in front on him.

"Hmm, a little behind schedule. No?" Paquito says aloud to the giants, referring to Finrod's emptying of his stomach contents.

"Sorry, I pulled him out as quickly as I could." Omar says as he passes Paquito and bends down to examine an inert tongue.

Sillaqui reaches Lothred and bends down to examine the wounded man.

"Oh, fair one, perhaps you have some healing art with which to rid me of this accursed pain? I promise to gift you with a tunic of finest gnomeskin once I get my hands on that lit." Sillaqui puts a finger to Lothred's lips.

The woman bends down and hefts the teifling over her shoulder as if he weighed no more than a sack of feathers. The astonished Lothred hangs speechless as Sillaqui carries him next to Korg. The hill giant gives Sillaqui a weary look as she motions for Korg to step aside.

"Oh thank you for bringing me to a man as pious as the great Korg!" Lothred announces hoping to gain a healing spell that would erase all evidence of Ratchet's blow.

"Korg not feel Elfy help out in stinky naked troll fight. Korg not heal skinny elfy."

"But, I do." is all Lothred got out as Sillaqui unceremoniously dumps the injured Lothred into the back of the throne, adjusting his body so that his groin area lands amid a field of tongues.

An ear piercing scream erupts from Lothred's mouth, and is quickly cut short by the fist of Gronar. The unconscious Lothred slumps down into the chair as the tongues finish their work on one injury before completing the work on Lothred's face.

Lothred comes to, laying face down on the vaporous floor, his pants a sopping wet and his hair is matted with saliva from a dozen tongues. He silently adds Gronar and Sillaqui to the list of people he will flail once he achieves his plan of ruling a huge empire.

Gronar scopes up the awake Lothred and carries him through the adjacent room. The rest of the part ascends the rope ladder and emerge in a small alcove. With a single exit to the west.

"That way?" Finrod asks Dur

"Elves." Dur replies as he points at the exit.

The exit is a short hallway that immediately opens into a large room that has a slim path straight through it to an exit on the opposite side. Large cauldrons steep along each side of the room, their sides reach a full twelve feet in height. Strange smells fill the room and Dur begins to salivate as the aroma of blanched elf wafts through the party.

"Mmm, I haven't had this dish in a while. I didn't know your chefs were such connoisseurs." Lothred mentions to Dur

"Ugh, what is it?" Finrod asks

Lothred thinks it over for a second debating whether or not the elves need to know what is for dinner.

"It's your mother." Lothred answers

Finrod retches again, all over the backside of Korg. Luciann immediately eyes Dur and aims a spell loaded hand towards the troll.

Korg pushes Gronar out of the way as he races to the far end of the path at the other exit in the room. Cursing Finrod all the way.

Finrod collects himself and steadies his body against a stone cauldron, "All the elves were cooked? There's none left?"

Dur just shrugs his shoulders as he winds his way in-between two cauldrons to find hidden notches with which to climb the pots. The troll reaches the top and sticks his hand in the steeping fluid, withdrawing a chunk of unidentifiable meat and then jumping back down to the dirt floor.

The troll takes a good sized bite out of the meat, and chews it around in his mouth, "Elves"

Finrod slaps the meat from the trolls hand and draws his sun blade, "Creature, your death with be a painful one."

"Aw, I was going to tell the troll to save me a bite, now I'll have to get a piece myself." Lothred laments

Paquito shoves Finrod back into a cauldron, "Don't blame him for the failings of those that came before you. We found your elves, there's no one left, let us be gone of this place. No?"

"Hey! Korg see elfys, and lots of stinky trolls." Korg shouts from the far exit.

Finrod sprints up to the hill giant and peeks around the corner into the next room.

Twelve trolls sit upon the dirt floor all chant a prayer to Vaprak, while a large ogre stands upon a dais, the ogre armor is covered in dried blood and four chains are linked to his armor at the waist, at the end of each chain stands an emaciated elven child. Surrounding the dais are six strung up adult elves which drip blood into a collection trough the circumvents the dais. The elves twitch now and then but do not move otherwise.

Finrod raises his blade and takes a deep breath in preparation to charge into the room, but the massive hand of Korg drags the incensed elf back into the cauldron room.

"Let me pass, I shall avenge my brother and sisters this day!" Finrod cries.

"No, we need better plan." Korg states
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Jon Potter

Hairy Minotaur said:
Twelve trolls sit upon the dirt floor all chant a prayer to Vaprak, while a large ogre stands upon a dais, the ogre armor is covered in dried blood and four chains are linked to his armor at the waist, at the end of each chain stands an emaciated elven child.
Hey... I recognize this guy. :D

This should be interesting for Finrod.
Choices, kill a child or surrender all hope.

Finrod stares with bitter hatred at the far side of the room, his mind shows him sprinting down the narrow space between the cauldrons and into the short hallway. His blade flashing brightly as he charges the grinning ogre and plunges his sun blade between the ogre's ears.

The ogre's body slides off limply as the rest of the party mops up the disorganized and confused troll acolytes. He releases the hanging elves and the chained children, he is revered as a hero to all elfdom and lives out his days in relative comfort.

His wishful thinking is drawn back as the voice of Korg rips into his mind.

"That too many stinky trolls, Korg take four and Gronar take four, what Pokey going to take? Pokey not even handle bleeding troll that was lying still on ground all by itself." Korg blasts

"Well if we've come this far only to give up now, then let us return to my maze. No?"

"Here, here! A fine offer if I never heard one. Let us retire to a more fitting realm than one so close to the sky, inside this accursed pine prison." Lothred the pale teifling speaks up

"For once I am in agreement with the sickly one, for I too feel the pull of my native earth wane the greater we ascend in this place." Omar agrees

"Pfft, Just like a dwarf to give up when glory in within sights. Find the treasure, leave it for the next person to gawk over." Ratchet comments

Ratchet's comments cause himself and Omar to begin a shouting match over past digressions. Korg turns and watches Finrod stoically peering up at the exit to the room, the wise giant sees glimpses of his own destiny within the gray pony-tailed hair of a man who has already lived four times as long as Korg.

"No, Korg not going without making sure smelly ogre know name of giant who wiped smile off smelly ogre's face." Korg unsheathes his weapon and walks up behind Finrod.

"Elfy charge in first, Korg be right behind." The hill giant states

Gronar joins them, as does Luciann, Paquito and Sillaqui. Lothred, Ratchet, Omar and Dur stand silently as they watch the rest of the party approach the altar room. Korg holds up his hand calling for those following him to stop. Finrod feels the presence of Korg no longer behind him and stops as well to see what the hold up is.

When the party halts to Korg's request, Dur rushes up and stands next to Paquito.

"Korg have couple of Umtala blessings to help us win." Korg announces much to Finrod's resolve.

"You guys can stand here and spit on each other the rest of your lives, I go to put a fork in my hatred of my captors." Ratchet says and gallops down the corridor towards Gronar, who lifts him up on his back and into position.

Korg completes a prayer spell as well as a shield of faith , Ratchet infuses Gronar with the extra strength of a bull. Korg then nods at Finrod and the party prepares to fill the altar room with the blood of a dozen trolls.

Finrod looses a primal scream and races through the doorway and around a short bend. He raises his blade as he rounds the last turn, hoping to clip the back of a troll's neck as he charges towards the armored ogre. His expectations however get drastically cut short as Finrod charges into an empty room, save for the altar inhabitants.

This unexpected outcome causes Finrod to pull up short and only advance to the midpoint of the room. The rest of the party follows suit and fan out alongside Finrod in the middle of the room.

"Where stinky trolls go?" Korg wonders aloud

"They are safe, I couldn't have you killing more petitioners then you've already managed to. I'm afraid your little party of marauding through my home has come to an abrupt end." The ogre speaks through a severe underbite, so that his mouth can support two large incisors that sprout from his lower jaw and frame his nose on each side. The elven children look pitifully close to death as they seem to stand not of their own free will, almost as if they are supported through the magic of the ogre's armor.

The suspended and bleeding elves twist and turn to catch a glimpse of who has entered the room. A few of them open their mouths to offer a prayer to their respective deities, only to have a massive blood clot spill forth instead as their shorn tongues fail to deliver any sound other than a deep gurgle.

Finrod sheathes his sword and pulls forth his bow of light and fires an arrow at the head of the ogre, the arrow dives at the last second and pangs harmlessly off the ogre's right shoulder guard.

"Ha, ha, ha! The little brother has come to take back what is now mine? Surely your dying race can find a better champion than a scared little hermit." The ogre laughs

"Gronar show you power smelly ogre!" Gronar shouts and draws his greatsword.

"My dear child, what have I done to displease you so? Do you yourself not strive for power that what denied your family for generations, do you not wield the power primal as your battle cry? Come take my hand and I show lead you to the path of the incarnate!" Shouts the ogre

"No Gronar pretty sure Gronar just going to kick smelly ogre butt." Gronar turns down the ogre's offer

"I'm afraid you were not offered a choice, now give me your hand." The ogre decrees

Gronar smirks at the ogre and lowers the tip of his greatsword at the ogre. Gronar then feels an odd pulling at his hands, he quickly retracts his hands only to find one hand didn't come back with his arm.

Gronar's left hand is torn from his wrist and floats stationary in midair before the giant. Gronar quickly grasps his vacant stump as blood spills forth in a torrent of red. Gronar's freed hand then forms a fist that plows into the face of Gronar, breaking the giant's nose and causing a trickle of blood to snake down Gronar's face.

Korg points at the ogre and intones a spell while he challenges the ogre, "Umtala will smite smelly ogre with sun!" the searing light spell completed, a bright line of light shoots forth from Korg's finger and bathes the ogre in it's divine heat.

The ogre laughs as the back right chained elven child burns to a crisp and falls through it's collar, collapsing in a blackened husk upon the altar.

"Ha! Umtala shall bend over and present Vaprak with her seed, your god will be reduced to a mere vessel for bearing Vaprak's children." The ogre taunts

Lothred sneaks around the right flank of the party and launches an acid blast at the ogre, the acid splashes against the ogre, who laughs off the weak attempt. The back left elven child however screams in agony as it's flesh is melted off it's emaciated body polling at it's now skeletal feet. It's bones soon follow as they slip past the neck collar and crash to the altar.

The far right suspended elf catches a great deal of the blast as well and dies wailing as it's flesh is melted and burned off the side of it's body that was facing the ogre. Finrod gives a angry glare to Lothred who shrugs and mouths "Collateral damage."

"We can't attack him! We'll kill all the children!" Finrod cries

Gronar's freed hand snatches Gronar's neck and begins to squeeze, Gronar tries to pry the hand off with his right hand while still holding onto his greatsword. Ratchet helps out by kicking at the emancipated hand's fingers, while holding onto Gronar's greasy hair as a tether.

"There must be some other way, what do we do troll?" Omar demands of Dur

Dur signals to Omar by tracing a line across his neck with his right index finger. The symbolism is not lost on Omar as his stomach drops to his knees and his throat becomes tight with fear.
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Well, the database error has wiped out the last 5 months of my updates as well, I do not have saved copies anywhere, so I can either continue with the sorty and those that have read the adventure will at least have a general idea of what was missed. Or try to compile a short little recap of what happened and where we are now.

Obviously the next update is a big step forward in the timeline. I'll let any who wish to voice their oppinion decide what I do next.

BTW the splint is off and the update was done Sunday night, so at least I didn't lose that one. :)


I've been searching google cache, I've been searching the web archive, and still not found any cache of this story. Not sure if Akamai would cache something this long. If I'd known you didn't have a copy of it all, I would have been archiving it. :( :( :(

I'm just not sure what to think at this point. I'm sad for the missing parts of your story hour, but I can't see trying to reproduce all of that work. You were posting quite often there for a while.


BTW, congrats on getting the cast off.
"I'll let any who wish to voice their oppinion decide what I do next."

I say you bring back the campaign.
Not that your new campaign isn't fun and interesting.
I just miss playing a minotaur. OK ok, I miss the bull$#*+ too! :lol:
Well, it's my own fault really. My computer is old (more like ancient) and I just ran out of storage space. I had an initial story hour on here that Jon visited a lot that is taking up a lot of space. I think even if I can't store my posts, maybe I can print it out and at least keep a copy that way to repost.

spacehulkster- You just never know who Tehas will meet..... :]

and it's not that the campaign has ended, it's on hiatus. After that last session and the current make up of the party, it would be like starting over. 'Course the party already has a base of operations. ;)


I'll be happy to archive it at any point. I have some spare disk space in several places. The other is gmail. Beyond just e-mailing yourself the text files. Gmail storage is huge, I'd be happy to send you an invite. There are modules you can download to use Gmail as storage space. No need to rely totally on that aging computer.


Jon Potter

Hairy Minotaur said:
I'll let any who wish to voice their oppinion decide what I do next.
Well, I'm selfishly inclined. I already read all the stuff that got wiped, so I'd rather see a recap and just then have you start with fresh material. That'll obviously cut down on the SH's accessability to new readers, but frankly I imaging that we'll see a lot of this sort of thing with a great many SHs.

I had an initial story hour on here that Jon visited a lot that is taking up a lot of space.
And if you ever want to tell me what became of Tharhack, et al, I'm all ears... er... eyes... er... yu know what I mean.
Well that was an easy vote count, looks like I'll do a recap up to the new post and then take it from there. :)

and Jon.... I still have a link to the old story hour, I just may have to finish their tale.