Don't laugh..... it's here.

[Hairy Minotaur]

A sticky situation

Gronar carries the delicate body of the elf back to Korg, who inspects her while listening to Omar explain that she's not contagious. Korg then applies his last two remaining cure spells onto the elf, and eyes like blue ice open and focus on the hill giant. Panic sets into the elf as she tries to back away from the hill giant.

"Korg nurture, not pound into dirt." The giant says opening his palms and holding them out for the elf to inspect.

Unsure of her new predicament, the elf shies away from Korg's hands. Laughter from the doorway draws the party's attention away from the elf.

"Ha! She wouldn't even talk to you, looks like you blew it. Maybe if you put some effort into a different muscle group, you could rip off that door." Lothred jibes at Paquito

Paquito was about to respond when he notices the female scaly elf is awake.

"Whoa, she is stunningly beautiful. No?" Paquito says aloud in the tongue of Baphomet

"Nah, too pure for me. Maybe rough her up a bit and give her worldly perspective, and she might look better." Lothred answers with the fiendish tongue

"Thank you for rescuing me." The elf replies in infernal.

Paquito stops stunned at the reply, the rest of the party looks around in confusion, knowing the elf spoke but not what she said, looking around to determine if someone was able to translate except for Lothred.

"I want to change my answer." Lothred tells Paquito

"Too late, looks like you blew it. No?"

Paquito walks towards the elven female, "Ok, everybody back up, give the lady some room, she needs to breathe. No?" Paquito orders in common

"I thought you said you weren't that kind of cleric." Ratchet speaks up

"Shut up son, you're bothering me. No? Watch a master at work and learn something."

The party gives ground to Paquito as he moves to the elf's side. "Are you hurt? Can I get you anything?" Paquito speaks in common.

"I don't understand." Replies the elf in infernal

Paquito repeats the question in infernal, while Korg, Ratchet, and Omar look on with suspicious eyes.

"Where are you from fair lady? I am Luciann from Oldwood, pleased to meet your acquaintance." Luciann bows as he addresses the female elf.

"What did he say?" The female elf asks in infernal to Paquito.

"He said he wishes he was an elf." Paquito replies, which garners a snicker from Lothred.

"He appears to be elf, he is not?" The female asks

"He's more pansy than fey. No?" This response causes Lothred to burst out laughing.

"I am Sillaqui D'yrthenbir heiress to the Throne of Calindomar. I was negotiating a treaty with the people under the mountain, when my entourage and I were attacked by a white dragon. I was held for ransom yet, eventually sold to the trolls here." She speaks in infernal

"I am Paquito Flaccido, Navigator of the Straits of Terror, Conqueror of the Terrible Taurranous, Liberator of the Clan of Paquito, Rescuer of the Heiress to the Throne of Calindomar, and lover extraordinaire. Perhaps you have heard of me? No?"

"Why Elfy only talk to Pokey?" Korg says spinning the overdramitizating minotaur around to face the giant.

"She doesn't speak common or elven." Paquito answers

"Elfy speak Pokey?" Korg asks

"She speaks the universal language of love. No?"

"BS! I haven't learned anything but how to tell a bad joke in your language." Ratchet objects to Paquito

The party breaks out in argument, until Sillaqui stands and begins singing in a calming voice. Luciann stops and listens intently to the celestial verse, a tear forms in his eye as the sad song drags his heart over each lyric. The arguing stops as the song drowns out the harsh words of the party.

When she finishes her song, Luciann has dropped to his knees crying, while Lothred covers his ears in disgust of the melody. Sillaqui falters after she ends her song, and stumbles back to the wall favoring her left leg as she does so.

Ratchet and Korg move in to inspect the leg and determine that it was most likely broken and has not healed enough to allow Sillaqui to travel.

"We no rest here. Here not good, Gronar go find place where rest is good." Gronar offers, he turns to head out the southern exit when Korg grabs his arm.

"Korg out of cure prayers, what if Gronar get hurt?"

"Gronar not get hurt, just look for good rest place." Gronar turns to leave again

"Wait, Korg have plan." Korg picks up Ratchet and licks the front of the struggling gnome, slobbering all over the small man. Korg then motions for Gronar to turn around, and then slaps the gnome on the hairy back of Gronar.

"There, lawn ornament can cure Gronar is Gronar get hurt." Korg states

"I'm humiliated, abused, and disgusted." Ratchet says slightly muffed by Gronar's back

"While that may be true, at least you're of use now." Lothred says

"What do we do with her?" Finrod points to Sillaqui

"She can ride me." Paquito offers

"What?!? You're a sick man." Luciann snaps as the rest of the party is mortified.

"What? I'm half bull, I can be somebody's mount. No?"

"No, you're all bull, and no one is mounting you unless it's to the wall stuffed." Finrod answers

"Come with me my dear, let me inform you of some truly lovely songs in a better language than that awful high and mighty speak you used." Lothred offers in infernal

"Why would she go with you, when she can ride atop the Paquito express. The answer is clear. No?" Paquito answers Lothred in infernal.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with any kind of rational response, so I simply offer you this." Lothred answers while giving the universal leave me alone sign.

"Well, at least we're thinking alike. No?" Paquito replies

"I can make it on my own." Sillaqui interjects in infernal

"No!" Both Paquito and Lothred shout

They both rush forward to help Sillaqui up, but Korg shoves Paquito into the wall and slaps Lothred to the floor. "Korg will carry hurt lady, lady can sign to Korg while we walk."

Korg lifts up Sillaqui carefully, and licks her up and down, drenching the front of her in giant saliva. Korg then slaps Sillaqui onto his right shoulder, close to his ear. The hill giant turns and heads off to follow Gronar.

 

[Jon Potter]

"No, you're all bull, and no one is mounting you unless it's to the wall stuffed." Finrod answers

I like Finrod.

Korg lifts up Sillaqui carefully, and licks her up and down, drenching the front of her in giant saliva. Korg then slaps Sillaqui onto his right shoulder, close to his ear. The hill giant turns and heads off to follow Gronar.

So... what? Has Korg been drinking Sovereign Glue?

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

Tell me the location of your rebel base!

So... what? Has Korg been drinking Sovereign Glue?

Nope, and it doesn't turn out as planned, as you'll see below.

Gronar's sweaty back causes Ratchet to lose his meager stomach contents all over the hill giant's posterior. Combined with Ratchet's already slick clothing from Korg, causes Ratchet to constantly slide down Gronar's back.

"Little doll man have to hold tighter on Gronar."

"Maybe you should just let me walk?"

"No Korg say you have to keep Gronar alive, so Gronar not put you down where stink troll can step on doll man."

"Well there is no chance in Gehenna that I'm going to tether myself to your back hair."

"Doll man grab Gronar ears." Gronar shoves Ratchet up onto his shoulders, Ratchet sighs and grabs the top of Gronar's ears in defeat. The gnome now stands upon the back of Gronar's neck with a hand on the top of each ear.

Gronar turns a corner and is faced with a short hallway, two doors line the north side one on the south and one at the end of the hallway. Gronar walks up to the first door and grabs the handle.

"Wait! Don't you think we ought to listen to the door first? What if we're walking into a trap?" Ratchet informs Gronar

"Ok, but Gronar going to kill whatever behind door anyway."

Gronar leans against the door, pinning Ratchet between his ear and the door.

"Gronar hear heavy breathing and someone say get off of me."

"That was me you idiot, your head crushed me against the door."

"Oh, well then Gronar not hearing anything." The giant grabs the handle and pushes the door open must to Ratchet's protests.

The door creaks open and a small room appears beyond the door, a straw bed contains the sleeping form of a troll. Gronar twists his body into the room and holds the tip of his blade near the troll's heart, he then uses his other hand to steady the troll's body. The troll opens his eyes, just as Gronar's blade tears him in two.

Gronar exits the room as the rest of the party turns the corner and enters the hallway.

"Gronar, sticky lady plan not working." Korg says

"Gronar fix problem, doll man hold onto ears."

"Lady climb up Korg like lawn ornament and hold onto Korg ears."

"I don't think that's good idea." Sillaqui replies in infernal

"Lady don't make Korg angry, Lady wouldn't like Gronar when Korg angry." Gronar turns around and snorts an approval to Korg.

Sillaqui hobbles up Korg's neck and grabs a hold of Korg's ears.

"Ow, Korg need to clip Lady's nails."

Paquito lines up behind Korg and taps Sillaqui on the shoulder. He mouths the words "Jump off I'll catch you" to her with a big smile and a twinkle in his eye.

Lothred uses his staff to trip Omar into Paquito, who stops and turns to ask what Omar's problem is. Lothred then moves up and mouths "Jump I'll catch you" to Sillaqui.

"Hey!" Paquito yells while shoving Lothred, "Quit horning in on my play. No?"

"What play? Everyone can see that you're neutered." Lothred replies

Gronar throws open the next door along the north wall, and reveals yet another sleeping troll. Two slices later and the troll is left to pick up the pieces of it's broken life.

Finrod opens the southern door, to reveal a room full of torture implements and tools. He announces his findings, which draws Lothred's attention away from Paquito as he makes his way to the room.

"Nothing in here but wicked looking things and blood coated other things." Finrod tells Lothred

"Yes well, all the same I think I'd like to do a search of the room. You'd be amazed at where some of the most valuable things are kept hidden."

"Suit yourself, don't trip over anything though." Finrod says referencing the tool covered floor.

Finrod waits until Finrod is a good distance down the hall and enters the room, opening up a sack off his back, the teifling proceeds to load up on the instruments within the room. After securing at least one of each item, Lothred meets up with the rest of the party in front of the door at the end of the hallway.

"Collecting some personal hygiene items. No?"

"Nah, Sillaqui and I are going to play tell me the location of your rebel base tonight, I was just making sure I would be showing up prepared." Lothred answers

EEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A scream rips through the hallway from behind the last door, the party quickly shuffles it's order before Gronar kicks the door in.

Two trolls stand near an open coal forge at the back of the room, one holds a set of tongs with a angry red burning coal in it's grasp. The other is wielding a leg from a wooden table. The scream is coming from an iron maiden along the north wall, which is being attended to by two goblins. There is also a rack sitting in the middle of the floor in the southern half of the room.

Gronar rushes in and jabs at the club wielding troll, but misses. Lothred sends a compelling command at the tongs wielding troll, and it immediately drops to the floor and lays motionless.

"Good trick Elfy, you show Korg that spell?"

"I am not an Elfy, and you could not possibly understand the depths I go in order to wield my magic."

"Korg can nurture that." comes the hill giant's reply

Korg then rushes the two goblins and halves each of them a split second after them empty their bladder from witnessing the giant's charge.

Finrod rushes the upright troll and dodges it's swing while slicing a nasty cut underneath it's left armpit. Gronar and Korg team up to finish off the two trolls and Lothred swings open the iron maiden.

A bloody and multi-punctured goblin flops out onto the floor from the torture device. Korg reaches back and sends just enough curative magic to stop the goblin's bleeding.

"Why goblin in there?" Gronar asks

"I failed to do my job." The weakened goblin replies

"Well, that's all I need to hear, throw him back in there. I can't stand failures." Lothred advises

"What goblin not do?" Gronar asks, ignoring Lothred's comment.

"I was late showing up for guard duty for the prison warden." The goblin answers

"Arrgh! That's even worse now he's got time management issues, put him back in the maiden." Lothred interrupts

"Where warden now?" Gronar asks

"He's sleeping in his room off the hallway outside this room." Replies the goblin

Giggles ring out from the party

"Gronar positive, warden not mad anymore."

"You talked to him? He's going to let me go back on duty?"

"Gronar not sure about that, but warden is not mad anymore."

The ecstatic goblin smiles ignorantly, while the part breaks up to search the room. Lothred finds a hinge on the rack and informs the giants that it appears the rack could be tilted over revealing a space beneath it.

"Hey, snotling? What down there?" Gronar asks the goblin

"I don't know, I've never been in this room before today." The goblin answers

Gronar shoves on the rack and it lifts up to reveal a ladder descending into darkness.

"What are we going to do about that?" Finrod points at the goblin

"I'll take care of it, you guys go ahead, I'll catch up." Lothred replies

Lothred waits until just he and Paquito are left in the room.

"Stick out your tongue." Lothred commands the goblin

The goblin hesitantly sticks out his tongue and Lothred grabs it with a set of spiked pliers. The goblin tries to pull away but the spikes hold quickly stop it's protests. Lothred then takes out a knife and cuts it's tongue out, then shoves the goblin back where they found it. It's garbled cries of pain quickly fade as the blood begins to pool again at the base of the iron maiden.

"I like the way you think. No?" Paquito tells Lothred

"He was dead either way, at least this way he won't be telling anyone about us." Lothred answers

"Do you do any contracting work? I might have need of your unique style. No?"

"I'll only agree to that, if I'm ever in need of a big stinking pile of bull chips. Otherwise just stay out of my way."

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

The plot thickens

What's been happening at Mirwood.

Celeior - Elven elder
Helion - Mirwood governor
Luinphayl - Mage college headmaster
Valriand - Captain of the guard
Allundril - High priestess of Belasarda




"Ok, what do we know?" Celeior asks

"One of our scouts found this body in a makeshift lean-to about four hours north of Mirwood." Valriand answers, pointing to the bloated body of a lizardman.

"He had this note with him." Helion pulls out a folded piece of parchment and hands it to Celeior. The elder elf unfolds it and studies the note.

Here is requested man Taurranous
see how tribe of mists completes bargain
we friends now you no fight us anymore
we take good care of you guys
you take good care of my son

"What do you think?" Helion asked

"What killed this creature?" Celeior inquired

"This was in it's back, but it's hard to say if it was the killing blow or not, the corpse is too far aged to tell us much." Valriand answers, showing off a still intact arrow.

"Is that one of ours?" Celeior points at the arrow

"Yes, appears to be, although no scouting parties ever reported any incidents over the past two weeks, and I know of no elf that has gone north of town." Valriand answers

"Perplexing, appears the lizardmen tried or did, broker a peace agreement with the minotaurs. Only their emissary was shot by an elf or by someone with access to the elven barracks." Celeior thought aloud

"What if this ties in with Luinphayl's death?" Allundril finally chimes in

"In what way?" Valriand questions her

"Luinphayl allowed the rogue minotaur to enroll in the college for free and trained him as though he was his on son. Remember when we heard of Luinphayl's personal involvement with this rogue minotaur?" Allundril starts

"But that Paquito ended the threat Taurranous posed to us." Helion interrupted

"Let me finish. Luinphayl trains the minotaur who then goes and usurps control over Taurranous' clan. After that event Luinphayl's body is discovered, murdered and dumped near the holly bushes."

"Yes, yes we already know all of this." Helion interjected again

"Remember that letter the elf Benat gave us? The one that insinuated a doppelganger had infiltrated our town? We all thought it impossible that one of our own had been copied. I assert it was Luinphayl that was copied."

"That's outrageous, Luinphayl has.... had more magic and power available to him than all the rest of this town combined." Celeior argued

"Fine, then explain the missing scrolls from the college. Explain the sudden emergence of a great evil in the minotaur maze yesterday." Allundril counters

"I do not believe those incidents are connected, I fail to see how you arrive at this accusation." Valriand asks

"Fine, I'll go slower. Luinphayl tutors Paquito, the first pupil he's had since the town was built over fifty years ago, he tells us that this minotaur is unlike any we've had to deal with can be trusted to rid us of Taurranous. Paquito does just that and the town rejoices, Paquito supposedly leaves two days after his victory. Luinphayl's body is discovered the day after he left, decomposing at a rate that suggests it had been there for far longer than a day. Four days later in a routine inventory sweep, it is discovered that numerous scrolls have been stolen from the LOCKED ENSORCELLED vaults at the college. See where I'm going with this?"

"But, how does the lizardman fit in?" Valriand asks

"Luinphayl leaves to meet his star pupil, and runs afoul of this lizardman. Luinphayl kills him and assumes his identity, then proceeds onto the maze." Allundril answers

"How do you know he went there?" Helion inquires

"Because the college was not the only place that had something stolen from it, we lost an item as well. We've traced it to the maze, we know it's there now, we've also detected an explosion of evil from there. Our scryers all agree it is very near the level of evil it housed during Taurranous' later days." Allundril explains

"So the doppelganger trains Taurranous' replacement, steals valuable scrolls and religious artifacts, covers it's tracks just long enough to allow us to find them after a couple of days, and leads us to focus on the maze again? For what purpose?" Valriand asks

"To complete the plan, they're entrenched in there now. They're taunting us with the level of duplicity required to pull this off. I think all we did was get rid of one evil only to replace it with a greater evil." Allundril answers

"What item was stolen from the temple?" Celeior turns, shocked as this is the first he's heard of it.

Allundril frets and wrings here hands nervously at the answer Celeior seeks.

"What was stolen?" Celeior demands

"The egg." Allundril answers as she breaks down in tears

"What?! How is that possible? One man just walked in and took it!" Celeior screams incensed at the complete and utter failure of the temple to guard this object.

"And now it's in the possession of a doppelganger that's holed up in a cyst of evil and he's thumbing his nose at all of us!" Valriand's scathes across Allundril's pride.

"Recall all your scouts, and have them watch that maze day and night. Nothing goes in or out of that place without us knowing about it." Celeior instructs Valriand who nods in agreement

"Go to the college and insert a few mages with them as well, we're going to need to throw a blanket of detection over the whole area out there." Helion suggests

"I shall pray for further guidance in this matter." Allundril announces

"Start with your own ineptitude, and get back with your priest and have them report any movement of the egg or change in evil in the maze to me immediately." Celeior demands.


***************************************************************

The party reaches the bottom of the ladder, a vast hallway stretches out towards the west. The east is block by a cave in, the only light shines from the top of the ladder where the coal stove in the torture room above, gives off a violent reddish glow.

With their greater eyesight, the giants peer into the darkness and announce that there is a huge door about one hundred and twenty feet down the western side of the hall.

Gronar, Korg, Ratchet, Luciann, Finrod, and Omar head down the hall to investigate the door, leaving Paquito, Lothred, and Sillaqui at the base of the ladder.

"Want to play? I brought toys." Lothred asks as he opens his cloak to reveal all manner of handheld information extracting equipment.

Sillaqui squeaks and shies away from Lothred, melting into the chest of Paquito. Confused by her reaction, Lothred closes his cloak. He is about to address the situation when a dull green light winks on between Lothred and Paquito, it hangs in midair about three feet from the floor.

"Oh why did this have to happen now? I was just getting ready to put my El' Toro moves on the lady. No?" Paquito laments, as he removes his clawed hands from soothing the arms of Sillaqui.

Paquito moves Sillaqui off to his left and takes a defensive stance to the green light that has now formed itself in a small circular spinning shape.

The shape stops spinning and a familiar voice emanates from the object.

"Paquito, thank Baphomet I found you. We are under siege from umber hulks and some kind of demonic figure that has the appearance of Taurranous. They've killed six of the minotrices thus far. The elves have surrounded us outside and are casting many magics about the surface, most are divination yet they have made us very paranoid of their intentions. You must return, I have procured this little device from an elemental spirit. It can transport up to twelve people back here but must be used within ten hours or the magic is wasted. Please hurry."

"Friend of yours?" Lothred asks

"My clan, my people. My home." Paquito lifts Sillaqui into his arms and turns to head down the hallway after the rest of the party.

Lothred falls in line behind Paquito, swearing he saw the minotaur's eyes burn red with an infernal light. The thought brought a smile to Lothred's inhuman face as a realization set in, and he followed the not quite full-blooded minotaur into the darkness.

 

[Graywolf-ELM]

Ahh, a way home, into the hornets nest.

GW

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

Dem Bones

Korg and Gronar part to allow the two elves, Finrod and Luciann, to inspect the massive double doors. The elves note that for as long as this door must have been here, it looks to be in excellent shape. There is a relief of a wide tree that spans both doors, in fact the seam between the doors splits the tree in half. Elven lettering, arches over the top of the tree on the doors and small glints of gold peek out here and there on the letters.

"In service of the World Tree." Luciann reads aloud.

"No, I think it's more like Church of the World Tree, It's an ancient dialect." Finrod notes

"Hmm, you could be right, and Church of the World Tree sounds better." Luciann replies

"Only an elf would plant a tree in the ground and call it a miracle." Omar chimes in

"And only a dwarf would stop shaving and call it art." Lothred comments, as he, Paquito, and Sillaqui catch up to the rest of the group.

"Well, Korg have good feeling shiny things behind door." The hill giant interjects and turns to raise an eyebrow at Gronar.

Both giants grasp a door handle apiece and slowly drag open the double doors, as they do dozens of bones spill forth from the room beyond to fill the newly opened space. The party sees in the room beyond, that the floor is covered about four feet deep with bones of all shapes and sizes. The room itself is mammoth in scope, over one-hundred feet long and nearly as tall. Near the back of the room floats a sphere of bones twenty feet in diameter. The center of the room is dominated by a depression in the bone level, that Gronar and Korg see ending in a black as void hole in the floor. To the right of the hole, standing upon a mound of bones is a gaunt green skin colored humanoid creature wearing full plate that seems at least two sizes bigger than what it should be wearing. That creature held a sword almost twenty feet in length.

To the left of the hole stood a troll-like creature, yet bone white and scaly, with a scorpion tail. Directly in front of Korg and Gronar, stood a headless troll. The troll's body pivoted silently atop the bones it stood on. Gronar gave a yell and leaped up atop the bone pile and stood just out of reach of the headless troll.

Luciann mouths the words to a spell, and touches Finrod. Instantly the elf grows to over ten feet in height. Finrod then assails the bone pile and moves off to the right of the doorway and stands facing the sword carrying creature.

The headless troll aims his bleeding neck stump at Gronar and a stream of thick blood shoots erupts from the troll and splashes into the chest of Gronar. The hill giant feels a little twinge from the fluid but it quickly passes.

The rest of the party hang back to let the fighters clear a path away from the door. The scaly tailed creature takes a step towards Gronar and then shimmers and fades from sight, the sword wielding creature steps up and motions for Finrod to step up to face it.

Gronar switches to his spear and jabs at the headless troll, tearing off a chunk of flesh from it's left hip. Luciann scurries up the bone pile and enlarges Gronar as well, making the hill giant nearly twenty feet in height. Korg surveys the battlefield and notes the absence of the tailed creature, the hill giant then casts invisibility purge , however the creature does not appear.

Finrod moves up to face the sword wielding creature, he miscalculates how far the creature's blade can reach however, as the creature swipes out at the incoming Finrod and cuts a gorge across the elf's abdomen. The attack causes Finrod to pull up early, too far away from the creature for him to get a swing on it even enlarged.

Lothred climbs the bone pile and braces himself along the back wall of the room as he makes his way to line up with Finrod and the sword wielding creature. Paquito aims a scorching ray at the headless troll and burns away the flesh of his right arm.

"The stinger tailed creature, he should be found. No?"

"I have something that will help." Luciann says as he skids down the bone pile back into the hallway and stands in front of the minotaur.

Luciann mouths the words to another spell and places his hands on Paquito's arm.

"Huh? Nothing happened? I was trying to make you invisible." Luciann bewilderedly comments, as he did not hear Korg cast his spell seconds before.

"No matter, The Triumphant Paquito the Merciless shall stride bravely into battle and defeat his enemies upon a field of bones. No?" Paquito says puffing out his chest and posing slightly for effect.

"Right after you cast bear's endurance or bull's strength or both on me. No?" Paquito says softly to Luciann

Gronar switches weapons to his greatsword and brings the hurt down upon the headless troll, in two swings Gronar has reduced the unnatural thing to a gooey pulp. Korg moves in and gets within touch distance from Finrod and sends a cure moderate wounds spell into the elf to staunch the bleeding.

Omar decides he wants to see some of the action and begins to clamber up the bone pile. Finrod moves up to get a swing on his combatant yet misses with his sword. The sword wielding creature slashes down with his mammoth sword, the blade bites into Finrod's shoulder and appears to grow in size relative to his shoulder. Only after the blade is withdrawn and Finrod looks up does he realize the creature has dispelled the enlarge spell Luciann had placed upon him.

Lothred takes aim at the sword wielding creature with his staff, then notices out of the corner of his eye that there are three goblins perched perilously atop the black hole in the center of the room. All three appear to be bleeding profusely and are probably near death if not already there. Lothred takes a step to his right and readjusts his aim and lets fly with a corrupt acid bolt from his staff. The vile stream strikes the sword wielding creature and continues on to slam into a bleeding goblin, causing the creature to collapse and fall backwards into the black void. A brilliant flash of light precedes the nauseating smell of burning goblin blood.

Gronar turns his attentions to the sword wielding creature and slams his blade into the thing's armor twice, both times his sword manages to dislodge a plate and send the piece of metal careening across the bone field. Luciann casts bear's endurance on Paquito and then turns to climb back up the bones. Paquito leapfrogs the struggling Omar and takes his place to the left of the doorway, and squints his eyes looking for any indication of the whereabouts for the tailed creature, such as bones shifting or a slight shimmer in the air.

Finrod withdraws from the sword carrying creature and makes his way to the right wall of the room. The sword wielding creature makes a pulling motion in the air with his left arm and blood leaps forth from Finrod's wounded shoulder and splashes across the armor of the sword carrying creature. Finrod howls in pain and drops to one knee. The creature then turns to face Gronar and shoves his left palm out at the hill giant. Gronar's brain is assaulted with the knowledge of how to build traps, but the sudden influx of information causes the giant's brain to shut down momentarily as it tries to process this new information. The creature uses Gronar's dazed status to pummel the giant with it's sword. It's blade slashes across Gronar's chest, it snaps the giant out of his dazed moment and Ratchet loses his grip with one hand and dangles helplessly from Gronar's back.

Korg moves back to steady his friend and in doing so moves close enough to the tailed creature, that it's form blinks into sight. Prepared for such an unveiling, Paquito sends a blistering attack of magic missiles into the thing. Ratchet yelps in terror, and Gronar turns slightly to see the new foe present itself. The hill giant gives this new threat a good backswing with his greatsword, tearing it's right thigh open in the process.

Omar reaches the top of the bone incline finally and calls forth an innate power given him by his deity, a small flame appears in his hand and Omar throws the flame at the sword wielding creature. The flame alights on the creature's head before flaring up and burning the creature's head. Lothred sends another corrupt acid bolt into the sword wielding creature which causes the thing to fall forward dead face first into the bones.

The tailed creature strikes out with it's stinger into Gronar, the strike causes a small explosion on the hill giant's skin which echoes through the chamber. Gronar staggers back into Korg who with the help of Ratchet heal Gronar to near full health. Paquito pulls out his longspear and tries to jab at the tailed creature, but his effort is knocked away harmlessly by the creature.

Luciann casts his last remaining spell at the creature, and sends a barrage of magic missiles into the creature's scaly chest. Omar throws another flame at the tailed creature, burning a dark spot into the creature's left arm. Finrod pulls himself to a sitting position and props himself against the wall behind him. Lothred moves out to line himself up with the two remaining goblins and the tailed monstrosity, he then sends out another corrupt acid bolt at the creature, burning his right arm and sapping some of it's wisdom at the same time.

Korg and Gronar bring their full attack to bear against the creature, and send it reeling. Bleeding and in pain the creature looks for a chance to escape, seeing the tentativeness in the ears of Paquito, the creature lashes out at the minotaur and tears into Paquito ripping open his chest with exploding force. With it's path to the doorway now free, the creature dashes for the exit. Gronar and Korg both take a final swing at the creature and their combined might bring the beast down.

Korg and Omar rush to the bleeding Paquito's side, as Finrod is helped up by Ratchet who heals him as best he can. The party begins to take a concerted look around the room forgetting about the floating ball of bones until it begins to silently creep up towards the party.

Gronar steps up and slices his greatsword vertically down through the ball of bones, the sphere ends up being hollow as his blow shatters bones at the top and bottom of the sphere.

Gronar steps back and shrugs his shoulders, "Maybe bone bubble not dangerous?"

His words end and hundreds of bones from the pile in the vicinity of the bone sphere rise up and shoot forth in all directions shredding armor, cloaks, and skin of every being in the room.

Omar tries to throw another flame at the bone sphere but the flame seems to pass harmlessly through the sphere and fly out the other side.

"Retreat!" Gronar shouts as he turns and attempts to flee the room. Two steps into his retreat, something rough rakes across his back. Turning around to face the attacker, Gronar watches as a dark mass within the sphere quickly fades to nothingness.

The rest of the party make their way to the hallway just outside the room and join Sillaqui as spectators. Gronar, Korg, and Paquito remain behind to try to ward off the creature. Korg picks out shards of broken bone from his skin and watches as a black oily tentacle lashes across the back of Gronar, then fade away like smoke. Gronar swings his blade twice more through the sphere yet only manages to knock off a few bones making up the exterior of the sphere.

Korg watches helplessly and the bones surrounding him rise up once more and rip into him like branches in a tornado. Korg fights through the pain trying to find a weakness this creature may have. His faith leads him to the answer and his casts dimensional anchor on the sphere.

Gronar watches as the dark form reappears inside the shell of bones. He calls forth his primal side and swings with every ounce of anger he possesses, his rain of pain sunders the ethereal creature and the sphere explodes into thousands shards that pelt the party even as they stand in the hall.

The giants cheer and howl, then Korg notices Paquito slumped over near the door he rushes to his side as another cry rings out.

"She's bleeding to death, I need a medic here!" Lothred shouts

 

[Jon Potter]

Finrod moves up to get a swing on his combatant yet misses with his sword. The sword wielding creature slashes down with his mammoth sword, the blade bites into Finrod's shoulder and appears to grow in size relative to his shoulder. Only after the blade is withdrawn and Finrod looks up does he realize the creature has dispelled the enlarge spell Luciann had placed upon him.

Finrod withdraws from the sword carrying creature and makes his way to the right wall of the room. The sword wielding creature makes a pulling motion in the air with his left arm and blood leaps forth from Finrod's wounded shoulder and splashes across the armor of the sword carrying creature. Finrod howls in pain and drops to one knee. The creature then turns to face Gronar and shoves his left palm out at the hill giant. Gronar's brain is assaulted with the knowledge of how to build traps, but the sudden influx of information causes the giant's brain to shut down momentarily as it tries to process this new information. The creature uses Gronar's dazed status to pummel the giant with it's sword. It's blade slashes across Gronar's chest, it snaps the giant out of his dazed moment and Ratchet loses his grip with one hand and dangles helplessly from Gronar's back.

Wow! Who or what is/was this guy? Dispel Magic, and two effects that I can't even recognize.

Share, HM. Share!

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

Wow! Who or what is/was this guy? Dispel Magic, and two effects that I can't even recognize.

Share, HM. Share!

All of the monsters in this encounter except the headless troll and the goblins were created using Expeditious Retreat's Beast Builder

The blood draw was a leach life effect and the other ability is called infuse intellect

The nastiest thing out there looked rather wimpy since Gronar could only fail his Fort save if he rolled a "1" (it was the bone sphere)

But if you're a DM and want to really mess with your players you've got to get this book, it's simply amazing Joe Browning did a wonderful job. All the abilites are either SRD or Expeditous Retreat's own material.

There are 2 more monsters coming up that were built with this book, things only get better (from the DM's persective of course )

 

[Jon Potter]

But if you're a DM and want to really mess with your players you've got to get this book, it's simply amazing Joe Browning did a wonderful job.

I've considered it before, but I'm going to wish list it now based on this endorcement.

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

Sowing the seeds.........

Korg and Gronar drag Paquito out into the hallway and prop him up next to Sillaqui. Ratchet goes to work on both and heals them as best he can. The giants then go about searching through the stacks and piles of bones strewn about the room. They also loot the armored sword wielding creature's body.

Finrod and Lothred search the back of the room and advise that there is an exit on either side of the room. Luciann casts detect magic on the pile of looted belongings and separates the piles based upon his findings.

Omar takes over the tending to the injured role once Ratchet's spells have been depleted, Ratchet climbs upon the bone sea and makes his way carefully over to the black drain hole in the center of the room.

Once arriving, Ratchet feels an unearthly pull on his soul, as if the void hungered for it. Ratchet kneels down on the bones surrounding the well and moving aside a goblin corpse he finds symbols etched into the stone encasing the well's perimeter. Wiping away some of the goblin blood, Ratchet makes out ancient elven symbols that appear to have been contracted in on themselves, as if they had been written on stretched out elastic that was then allowed to retract.

Ratchet remembered what the Luciann and Finrod called this room "Something of the World Tree", he then peered up at the ceiling and saw branches with leaves still intact, sticking out of the ceiling. Glancing around the chamber, he spies more braches jutting out of the walls near the ceiling all around the circumference of the room. Ratchet tries to imagine how big the tree that left part of itself embedded in the walls of this chamber how to have been when it still resided in this room.

Ratchet's mind conveys an answer of one-hundred feet diameter for the tree's trunk, looking down at the twenty foot diameter void, Ratchet's mind reels with the power that must've been used here. Quieting his mind, Ratchet becomes in tune with his aura, regarding it as more of a living thing than metaphysical one, his mind wades through his aura and notes that five other divine auras either exited the well or entered it very recently. Ratchet snaps out of his trance and clears his sight searching for the rest of the party.

"Hey Luciann, we might have more company real soon, and I wouldn't go in either of those exits by yourself." Ratchet calls out to the first party member he sees.

"Why's that?" Luciann returns a question

"I think five things came out of this hole, their divine essence left a trail leadi..." Ratchet's words trail off and the well sends out a burst of negative energy in a tight radius around itself, knocking the gnome unconscious.

Luciann rushes to the gnome's side and he too feels the longing for his soul that the well exhibits. He drags Ratchet back to the chamber entrance, where Omar meets him and finishes carrying the gnome over to Paquito and Sillaqui.

"What happen to lawn ornament?" Korg asks

"That well thing over there did something and knocked him out, he was trying to tell me there were fives things that came out of that hole." Luciann explains

"Hole in ground hurt Gronar battery? Gronar will smash hole."

"I saw some runes on it when I picked up Ratchet, they looked elven but I didn't study them very closely." Luciann advises

"Then I think one of one ought to go see what they say." Lothred says referring to Luciann and Finrod

"I think it should be you, after all I got the words on the door wrong." Luciann says to Finrod.

"What? Are you guys trying to get me killed? I'm not going anywhere near that thing! Dammit I'm a swordsman, not a diviner." Finrod protests

"You'll be fine lad, I have a padded red shirt in my backpack that I can bless up for ya. No worries." Omar offers

"Absolutely not! Send her, she hasn't done anything productive yet." Finrod objects while pointing to Sillaqui

"Can they walk?" Gronar asks Omar referring to Paquito, Sillaqui, and Ratchet.

"Sillaqui is ok, but the other two are going to need more rest." Omar replies

Gronar wrinkles his nose and heads back down the long hallway to the trap door, he ascends the stairs but the door does not budge. The hill giant pounds on the door with his fists and rams it with his head and shoulders, but fails to lift it. The giant returns to the party with the bad news.

"Well appears are paths have been set for us, which way shall we sally forth. Left or Right?" Lothred announces, pointing at the two exits in the room.

"Right." Korg shouts while pointing to the left exit.

"Come Dorf, Gronar gonna need replacement for lawn ornament." Gronar says to Omar as he grabs the dwarf by the head and slaps Omar to his back. "Hold on tight, Gronar not have time to put in safety harness."

"What about them? Shouldn't someone stay behind to protect them?" Finrod motions to Paquito, Sillaqui, and Ratchet

"Nothing coming that way, nothing coming that way, and we go that way. Blue lady can yell if something come that way." Gronar says pointing at the various exits to the room.

The party trudges thru the bone field and enters the left passageway, the giant's heads disappear from view.

"Ow, ow, ow I think there is a shard remaining in me that the clerics overlooked. No?" Paquito whines

Sillaqui approaches Paquito to get a better look, as Paquito props himself up on his elbows.

"Where? I am not seeing the telltale glisten of fresh blood." She replies

"I think it pierced my heart, here feel. It does not beat correctly. No?"

"I am unfamiliar with minotaur physiology, I can not be certain whether it beats correctly or not."

"Well, just to be sure, maybe you should put some of that salve over it? No?"

While Sillaqui rummages through Ratchet's belongings for some healing salve, Paquito uses this time to sit up and unfurl a sleeping bag and blanket from Gronar's sack he left for safe keeping while he explores with the rest of the group.

Sillaqui returns and begins to apply the salve over Paquito's heart. "So tell me of your home. I love to hear stories. Oral history is a tradition in my family."

Paquito nearly leapt from his reclining position, "she likes stories and is in to **** , sweet heifer! I hope those lugs don't come back, then I could just teleport the two of us back to the maze." Paquito thought to himself.

"I shall tell you the story of how I came to bear this heavy burden that I carry within my heart. For you see I am an avatar of love, cursed with this body until I can find true love or baring that, a harem of one-hundred-and-one women. I am in sad shape as I have found neither in my four-hundred-and-ninety-nine years of searching. I have only two months to fulfill my quota or I shall be forever cursed to be a eunuch.” Paquito sheds some tears for dramatic effect

“Your story is an amusing tale of a libido gone awry, perhaps the best thing for you is to become a eunuch?”

“Damn, I thought my bluff skills were wicked good. Time for plan B.” Paquito talks to himself

“Well, It was still partially a true story. You could help me make it better. No?”

“I don’t know if that would be wise for me.”

“Come, sit here next to me on the soft blanket, while we talk of things not yet seen nor heard of, I shall tell you of my daring exploits aboard the vessel Waterlogged. No?”

“You were at sea? Most intriguing, please tell me more of the sea.” Sillaqui pleads with the innocence of a child. Paquito holds his arm out and the princess cuddles up next to the hairy beast.