jasper
Rotten DM
April 15, 1492
Note to adventures guild
Cc henchmen guild, tavern newsletter corp., and town crier commission
Dear prey um adventurers, side kicks, grand ma?s, parents, squires, knight errant, bar maids, sages, thyme, um others folks, rogues, bankers, Indian chiefs,
Subject: my resignation and retirement
It has been a long one thousand four hundred years. After decades and centuries of eating towns folks, wandering bards, incorrectly labeled maidens, and hard boiled adventures, I hereby and now fore resign as your big nasty evil dragon. Yes I recalled my young days of plowing down main street with the paladin in my maw, just because he did not come with gray poupon. And you forgave me rolling the ranger into Aunt May?s prize roses on that rotten hot day of July 13 of 06.
Yes remember when Baron Boris of blew the top of my lair in Oct of ?10. I got back at him by consuming the north quarter of town and burning the bank. Also toasting bob the bankers toes while making a slightly with draw. And remember how Clyde Cleric and his wife Patty Priest blame the plague and pestilence in summer on 22 on me and we found out it was due to me having all those rich nobles in the winter. But we remained neighbors.
Remember all the economically growth the town would go through every dragon hunting season. Man you guys just raked in the cash. Oh please Barry Bookkeeper I still waiting on the corrected payment of my share for the financial year 88.
How change happens. People grow old and mature. Governments rise and fall. Remember the time in 41 when I ate all four town councils. Yes I remember Egbert Elf when he was wee lad of 100. (Still sorry about your arm.) I remember when Gary Gnome build the rocket launcher whoopee cushion and stuck it under my pillow.
However time changes. The town gets bigger and bigger. Prices increase. So does inflation. I remember when I was a young wrymling the price on my head was 10 gp. I remember the honorable Jasper?s party, which looted my lair in 202 taking my favorite teddy bear. It only took me ten generations of eating his first born for his family to return it to the proper owner.
But as I was saying time change things and prices keep going up. Just this past financial year I paid the thieves guild 10,000 gp for the resetting and rebuilding of traps. Lets not forget now the oil is now 50 gp a barrel and to total cook an average adventuring party to that nice golden brown requires 4 barrels. Oh you think, you have it bad asking Terrance for a discount of cure light wounds potions for yourself around Christmas. Terrance won?t even extend me credit. Okay I know, he maybe mad about that little uncontrolled landing into his temple four years ago. But how was I supposed to know the party was waiting in the clouds with carpets of flying and javelins of lightning for me to go on my annual vacation to the beach. I had to replace by ray bans and 30 gallons of Coppertone. Plus they destroyed my favor beach towel, the one called the bayou tapestry.
Yes the adventurers are getting ruder. The good ole days they would right out with drummers drumming and challenge me to come and fight them one on one. Now is scrying me in the bathroom, teleporting in at teatime, etc.
But what really make me write this letter today is the nerve. That on my birthday and the annual donation to the cause to make a dragon smile day. The nerve of just sending me a cheap 10 k plated gold watch and just a dozen halflings in hot sauce.
I quit!
I have closed my account at the bank and move all my assets into CD?s and travelers? checks.
My dearest regards to my replacement.
I off to Disney land and then quiet cruise in the Caribbean.
Signed
DRACO REDISH MEANISH DRACONISH
P.S. Please tell the milkman to stop delivering. I have already eaten the newspaper boy.
Note to adventures guild
Cc henchmen guild, tavern newsletter corp., and town crier commission
Dear prey um adventurers, side kicks, grand ma?s, parents, squires, knight errant, bar maids, sages, thyme, um others folks, rogues, bankers, Indian chiefs,
Subject: my resignation and retirement
It has been a long one thousand four hundred years. After decades and centuries of eating towns folks, wandering bards, incorrectly labeled maidens, and hard boiled adventures, I hereby and now fore resign as your big nasty evil dragon. Yes I recalled my young days of plowing down main street with the paladin in my maw, just because he did not come with gray poupon. And you forgave me rolling the ranger into Aunt May?s prize roses on that rotten hot day of July 13 of 06.
Yes remember when Baron Boris of blew the top of my lair in Oct of ?10. I got back at him by consuming the north quarter of town and burning the bank. Also toasting bob the bankers toes while making a slightly with draw. And remember how Clyde Cleric and his wife Patty Priest blame the plague and pestilence in summer on 22 on me and we found out it was due to me having all those rich nobles in the winter. But we remained neighbors.
Remember all the economically growth the town would go through every dragon hunting season. Man you guys just raked in the cash. Oh please Barry Bookkeeper I still waiting on the corrected payment of my share for the financial year 88.
How change happens. People grow old and mature. Governments rise and fall. Remember the time in 41 when I ate all four town councils. Yes I remember Egbert Elf when he was wee lad of 100. (Still sorry about your arm.) I remember when Gary Gnome build the rocket launcher whoopee cushion and stuck it under my pillow.
However time changes. The town gets bigger and bigger. Prices increase. So does inflation. I remember when I was a young wrymling the price on my head was 10 gp. I remember the honorable Jasper?s party, which looted my lair in 202 taking my favorite teddy bear. It only took me ten generations of eating his first born for his family to return it to the proper owner.
But as I was saying time change things and prices keep going up. Just this past financial year I paid the thieves guild 10,000 gp for the resetting and rebuilding of traps. Lets not forget now the oil is now 50 gp a barrel and to total cook an average adventuring party to that nice golden brown requires 4 barrels. Oh you think, you have it bad asking Terrance for a discount of cure light wounds potions for yourself around Christmas. Terrance won?t even extend me credit. Okay I know, he maybe mad about that little uncontrolled landing into his temple four years ago. But how was I supposed to know the party was waiting in the clouds with carpets of flying and javelins of lightning for me to go on my annual vacation to the beach. I had to replace by ray bans and 30 gallons of Coppertone. Plus they destroyed my favor beach towel, the one called the bayou tapestry.
Yes the adventurers are getting ruder. The good ole days they would right out with drummers drumming and challenge me to come and fight them one on one. Now is scrying me in the bathroom, teleporting in at teatime, etc.
But what really make me write this letter today is the nerve. That on my birthday and the annual donation to the cause to make a dragon smile day. The nerve of just sending me a cheap 10 k plated gold watch and just a dozen halflings in hot sauce.
I quit!
I have closed my account at the bank and move all my assets into CD?s and travelers? checks.
My dearest regards to my replacement.
I off to Disney land and then quiet cruise in the Caribbean.
Signed
DRACO REDISH MEANISH DRACONISH
P.S. Please tell the milkman to stop delivering. I have already eaten the newspaper boy.
