Duskblade Class with 3 archetypes for 5th edition, DM's Guild, feedback please?

[Slit518]

I have uploaded a Duskblade class to the DM's Guild for use with 5th edition Dungeons and Dragons.

I am now looking for some feedback and constructive criticism of the product, so that I can provide better product(s) in the future, as well as improve upon this product (if need be). What I am mainly looking for are about the mechanics of the character class.

It has already gone through one revision, which was much needed.

Here is the insert from the page -
Mix sword and sorcery with efficiency. Learn the ancient ways and techniques of the elves, as they hand down to you their most fearsome techniques. Meld spell and blade to great effect! Now YOU can finally be a Duskblade in 5th edition Dungeons and Dragons!

This PDF file is a full-fledged Duskblade class, which comes with 3 archetypes.

1. Martial Mastery
2. Magic Mastery
3. Mastery of Oneself

Channel energy into your weapon as a Magic Master! Provide an Aura of Magnetism granting your friends a moral bonus, as a Master of Onself. Attack with deadly precision, and then finish your foe off with a deadly Cantrip attack, with the Martial Mastery!
With your Resiliency & Adaptability, you'll be able to survive longer!
Can you reach level 20 and gain Duskblade Supremacy?!?


http://www.dmsguild.com/product/171623/Duskblade-Class-Update-1-25-16

If you enjoy the class, please share the link with your friends. Thanks in advance!

 

[Desh-Rae-Halra]

"Provide an Aura of Magnetism granting your friends a moral bonus, as a Master of Onself. Attack with deadly precision, and then finish your foe off with a deadly Cantrip attack, with the Martial Mastery!"


I didnt get the PDF, but there are grammatical errors on this preview. I'm not trying to bag on you, but seeing grammar problems this early on makes it an instant pass.
For example:
a moral bonus or a morale bonus?
Master of Oneself or Master of Onself?
And you are abusing the commas. I'm calling Comma Protective Services on you

And that is just in reading 2 sentences

 

[Slit518]

"Provide an Aura of Magnetism granting your friends a moral bonus, as a Master of Onself. Attack with deadly precision, and then finish your foe off with a deadly Cantrip attack, with the Martial Mastery!"


I didnt get the PDF, but there are grammatical errors on this preview. I'm not trying to bag on you, but seeing grammar problems this early on makes it an instant pass.
For example:
a moral bonus or a morale bonus?
Master of Oneself or Master of Onself?
And you are abusing the commas. I'm calling Comma Protective Services on you

And that is just in reading 2 sentences

Unfortunately, I am just working on this piece by myself. I have no editor, nor formatter. So all edits, and formatting is done by me. Thanks for pointing out the errors. I need to fix those ones up, as well as check my PDF for any additional errors.

 

[Slit518]

The updated file is out! It has better formatting, as well as fixes to the core class. Please, come check it out!

​

http://www.dmsguild.com/product/171623/Duskblade-Class-Update-2-03-16?term=Duskblade

 

[Desh-Rae-Halra]

I think you would be better off without the art, but with a strong and impressive font on the front.
Also, I see you have a product review already, you might want to pay attention to that.

 

[Slit518]

I think you would be better off without the art, but with a strong and impressive font on the front.
Also, I see you have a product review already, you might want to pay attention to that.

I know I have a product review. Hence, why my file went through a change. I feel that one review is going to hurt my product, as it was when it first came out. I am not sure if the person even took a look at the altered file after I revised it.

Do you think a cover of just Duskblade with some nice font would look nice and draw people's attention?

Should I just re-upload the file again, so that it pops back up on the "Newest DM's Guild Titles"?

I feel that original one-star rating will really hurt people's first impressions.

 

[Desh-Rae-Halra]

Ok, so in my opinion, the art does you no favors. It looks like someone sketched it in pencil and then colored it in with colored pencils (and missed at least 1 spot), EXCEPT that they didnt color the skin at all. WTF is that about?

Also, I wouldnt worry about your fluff test as the selling point. Go back the actual changes you made as a result of that first review and sell those points.

You cant still have 3 attacks plus casting a cantrip in 1 round.
If your revision has it in line with the Paladin's progression, mention that.
Tell people what they are getting MECHANICALLY, then add fluff.

 

[Slit518]

They don't have 3 attacks in one round with a cantrip on top of that anymore. That was a revision.

The picture was a picture my friend drew for me, he did it with pencil, went over it in ink, and then added water color to it. So take it off from the cover? In your opinion, what is a better cover to draw people in? Because I have no idea!

Alright, give them mechanics, without spoiling the actual PDF file, got it! I am new to all of this, so marketing myself and the product is a learning experience.

I appreciate all of the advice and tips. Thanks a lot for the help!

 

[Desh-Rae-Halra]

No problem.

I think I would just go with the word "Duskblade" in a cool looking font. If you could find some art of an Elven Curveblade with arcane symbols on it, that would look cool, but otherwise I would ditch the cover art. Part of the problem with the cover art is everything has color except the skin or eyes, thy are the default color of the paper.

 

[Desh-Rae-Halra]

No problem.

I think I would just go with the word "Duskblade" in a cool looking font. If you could find some art of an Elven Curveblade with arcane symbols on it, that would look cool, but otherwise I would ditch the cover art. Part of the problem with the cover art is everything has color except the skin or eyes, they are the default color of the paper.