Evil guys always give the best speeches!

[Arravis]

As a DM, there's nothing better then that "Evil Antagonist" moment where he gets his little speech, and the guy/gal is just oozing in style. I've saved three lines that I've seen posted here before, anyone have others?

"If you surrender now, I will carve your bones into flutes to ease your eternal suffering in hell."

"I am the shores of eternity. Crash against me...and be broken."

Evil henchman to prisoners he is escorting to the evil overlord: "You guys are sooo doomed."
Evil Overlord: "Welcome...TO YOUR DOOM!"
Evil henchman: "Told ya."

 

[Al]

So true. The PCs never come up with melodramatic speeches (well, mine don't usually, at least). The climax to my recently finished campaign featured the PCs battling with a group of evil archwizards over an artifact that would make its wielder a god in a plane with no existing deities (i.e. have total power over that plane).

Leader of Evil Wizards:
'Back down. You may win, but let me tell you this. If you fight- and lose, I shall slay one full half of the population of this land. Five score thousand deaths will lie in your pride, and to complete the irony, it shall be your dominated shells who perpetrate the massacre. The lives of so many is quite a gamble: how do you feel your chances?'

Leader of PCs:
'Yeah, shut up and get ready to fight'.

They never get it, do they

 

[Mouseferatu]

I don't get to do melodramatic speeches. My players have learned that the middle of a "villain speech" is the best time to attack.

 

[Psion]

Well, I have tried a few of these lately. It's fun.

On that worked well. The PCs ran into a crazed wizard babbling about death. When they started to talk the him, they enraged him and he uttered coldly:

"Death wears many faces. Yours wears mine."

That lit them up...

The one I was HOPING would go over well. The players were nosing around a ruined elven city overrun by demons. A demon appeared and delivered his soliliquy:

"Bow before me now and I will carve your bones into flutes and play them to ease your suffering in the afterlife."

They were TOTALLY not into that one and were like "yeah, whatever..."

 

[Barendd Nobeard]

I don't get to do melodramatic speeches. My players have learned that the middle of a "villain speech" is the best time to attack.

Tell them they can't. It's the classic Curse of the Boxed Text (found in every RPGA module).

 

[Ace32]

My PCs have no use for talking whatsoever! If I ever want a villain to make a melodramatic speech, I normally have to tie them down first, otherwise they are swinging swords and casting spells before they even know why. It's pretty sad actually, I wonder what they would do if the 'good' kind was dressed in all black spiked armor... wait .. they would just kill him.

 

[Ristamar]

I don't get to do melodramatic speeches. My players have learned that the middle of a "villain speech" is the best time to attack.

...And my response to that (as the DM) would be, "Hey, talking is a free action. You'll get your turn. In the meantime, sit the hell down and serve yourself a glass of Shut The F' Up."

 

[TiQuinn]

Melodramatic speeches work best if they served up right after a maximized fireball...

"Now that I have your undivided attention....."

 

[Wicht]

It's pretty sad actually, I wonder what they would do if the 'good' kind was dressed in all black spiked armor... wait .. they would just kill him.

One rule that should be added to the Evil Overlord set of rules is -"Always wear white - it will confuse the good guys to no end."

 

[Hand of Evil]

One of mine.

The villian was prancing back and forth in front of the captured heros. His dress stylish but all black, his hair in the latest fashion, sword held loosely in his right hand, being waved this way and that. His voice comanding and deep...

"I will not kill you yet, I will lay waste to your homes, make slaves of your family, and rule over the land! Then I will kill you and with the last breath your draw, the last thing you will know, is that I was happy."