Favorite Bard Songs

[Neil Aitken]

Ok, this is inspired by the current "How do YOU play a Bard?" thread.

* What are your favorite bard songs that you have written?
* Do you write parodies of contemporary songs or create original compositions?

Feel free to post and share.

 

[Neil Aitken]

Eye of the Beholder

Eye of the Beholder

Risin' up, back in the woods
Took our time, took our chances
Went the distance
Now we're back for the goods
Just a band and their will to survive
So many times, it happens too fast
We trade our brain cells for glory
We rush right in to take down those drow
Never seeing the eyestalks of terror

CHORUS:
It's the eye of the beholder
It's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge
Of our rival
And the last known survivor
Cuts his prey down tonight
And his fortune must always be
Eye of the beholder

Face to face, dwarf all alone
Hangin' tough, stayin' angry
The bard's a corpse
And the mage turned to stone
He's gotta kill with some skill and survive
CHORUS

Risin' up straight to the top
Spilt the guts, got the glory
Went the distance
Now we're not gonna stop
Just a band and their will to survive
CHORUS

The eye of the beholder
(4 times till fade)

~ Winnebago the Bard

originally posted on Pasadena Gamers site
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/pasadenagamers/

 

[Neil Aitken]

SNUFFED THE MAGIC DRAGON

We snuffed the magic dragon, smote her kids in two,
Stuck her with some pointy sticks and covered her with fuel.
We wounded her with shiny swords, threw some fiery rounds
She bellowed out an angry cry and burrowed underground.

CHORUS
We snuffed the magic dragon, smote her kids in two,
Stuck her with some pointy sticks and covered her with fuel.
We snuffed the magic dragon, smote her kids in two,
Stuck her with some pointy sticks and covered her with fuel.

The wizard turned into a giant, and pummeled the dragon's hide.
The warriors swung their mighty swords, and even fought inside.
The chain swinging fatso, grabbed her by the toe
And saved the burly paladin from a horrible munching blow.

CHORUS

Evenlow the sorceror fizzled several spells,
He shook his fist, leaned right back and cursed the dragon well.
Up an icy column, the bard was climbing high
Pulling out the fabled sword that was stashed before his time.

CHORUS

Some might call us murderers, breakers of the fam,
So our victorious band of heroes are going on the lam,
Fleeing fast and furious back to save the day,
We proudly hoist the missing sword and singing all the way, say:

CHORUS

~ Winnebago the Bard
originally posted on the Pasadena Gamers list
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/pasadenagamers/

 

[Demmero]

My favorite spell-song that I've composed for my lady bard is for the Message spell:

Softer than a lover's sigh,
Soft as lover's kiss,
As lover's breath in lover's ear
To thee I whisper this....

I started writing a D&D version of Pat Benatar's "Invincible" but decided that was too corny....

 

[der_kluge]

Those are awesome, Knives!

 

[Shadowdancer]

Here's one from the story hour about a female bard linked in my signature:

A Song of Other Times and Places​

I’m a traveling troubadour,
Selling my songs from door to door,
As I journey down the long, dusty roads.

I sing in the bars,
And sleep beneath the stars,
And please the ostlers when their wives are asleep.

In exchange for food,
I give them my youth,
And a song to remember me by.

I’ll sing you a song of other times and places,
And sights you may never see.
I’ll sing you a song of other times and places,
And things you may never,
That you may never hear of again.

For the food I can’t pay,
And I really can’t stay
Because your wife will be waking up soon.

But before I go,
I really must show
How much I appreciate your kindness.

So I’ll make love to you,
And when we’re through,
You can lay back and I’ll sing you a song.

I’ll sing you a song of other times and places,
And sights you may never see.
I’ll sing you a song of other times and places,
And things you may never,
That you may never hear of again.

But before I can go,
I really must show
How much I appreciate all you’ve done.

And for the food I will pay
If you’ll only come lay,
If you’ll come lay down with me.

And I’ll make love to you,
And when we’re through
I’ll sing you a traveling song.

I’ll sing you a song of other times and places,
And sights you may never see.
I’ll sing you a song of other times and places,
And things you may never,
That you may never hear of again.

 

[Herpes Cineplex]

^^^ Aw, that's cute.

(I wonder what level the spell cure venereal disease is?)


The only bard I ever played was in a short-lived but extremely cool game set in the Dalelands during the Zhentil Keep occupation. The characters were "out-of-towners" who had been unfortunate enough to be around when the new overlords arrived, and got drafted into the militia. Being cooler than the average men-at-arms, they were the militia's squad of detectives, investigating crimes and bringing the criminals to justice. All this while secretly supporting the resistance, of course.

Anyway, my bard would usually perform at his favorite tavern to earn a little extra money, "singing tunes popular around the Realms and favorites from the far-off land of Thesk." Thesk being, of course, where he hailed from originally. For some reason, I insisted on cribbing from the band Jim's Big Ego ("Boston Band," off "No Place like Nowhere") for his most-requested number.

I'm a local Theskan bard
Another local Theskan bard
Another local f-cking Theskan f-cking bard
And I'm here to sell more beer
I'm here to fill this room
I'm here to make you party all night long..."
...and so on.

--
the funniest part was when another character started humming it absent-mindedly
ryan

 

[Poster Bard]

The Hero's Rusty Greaves

On any night prepare for fright and buy another round,
He's full of cheer and holds his beer but never held his ground,
He drinks his ales and tells the tales of all that he achieves,
The spilling of the chilling of the Hero's Rusty Greaves!

So harken to a man that you can envy for his feats,
Despite the fact that each attack results in his retreats,
You'll hear the sound, when chips are down, his bladder, thus, relieves,
The sloshing and withdrawing of the Hero's Rusty Greaves!

He's not the type to snark or snipe on others in the bar,
Though often they make sport of him for being so bizarre,
He's guileless though underdressed with nothing up his sleeves,
It's hard to bear that all he wears are Hero's Rusty Greaves!

Don't be annoyed, it fills the void, when times are of the need,
The boastful way he'll drain the day with each and every deed,
He's telling you of all that's true or all that he believes,
The fabricated, quite inflated, Hero's Rusty Greaves!

Decline the plea, to sit on knee, when beckoning he will,
Fair warning of his massive love for bottles he will kill,
Though slaying of the living is a thing that makes him heave,
Don't chance the moist advances of the Hero's Rusty Greaves!

He's had the clap, within his lap, and vermin there reside,
The closest thing to battle scars for which he can take pride,
Are marks upon his bottom that his armor often leaves,
The rubbing and the chafing from the Hero's Rusty Greaves!

Someday he'll die and all will cry and plant him down below,
But be advised, don't be surprised at all that there will grow,
The flowering and towering of trees with many leaves,
Well fertilized, wherever lies, the Hero's Rusty Greaves!

 

[Alzrius]

I always liked the songs from Dragon's "Bards on the Run". Of particular like is "Can't Cast This Healing Anymore". Here's the refrain:

Cause I can't cast this healing anymore
I've forgotten what we're down here fighting for
It's time to find ourselves an open door
And leave this dungeon floor
Forever

Cause I can't cast this healing anymore
I've forgotten what we're down here fighting for
And if I have to call upon great Thor
And cast Dimension Door
Then maybe I won't cast this healing anymore

 

[MojoGM]

I just cranked this out here while I'm supposed to be working....let me know what you think.

Ever since I was a young mage,
I’ve heard the magic call.
From Waterdeep down to Suzail,
I’ve adventured with them all.
But I ain’t seen nothing like him
In any Arcane Meeting Hall…
That specialist Wizard
Sure throws a mean Fireball!

He stands like a statue,
Becomes part of the Weave.
Casting incantations
While his fighter buddies cleave
Always gets initiative,
Crisp opponents fall.
That specialist Wizard
Sure throws a mean fireball!

He’s a powerful Wizard
There has to be a twist
A powerful wizard
With bracers on his wrist

“How do you think he does it? I don’t know! What makes him so good?”

He ain’t got no distractions,
Concentration is high as hell.
He knows the orcs are a coming
Senses them by their smell.
Always gets his spells off
No disrupts at all
That specialist Wizard
Sure throws a mean fireball!

I thought I was
The evocation king
But I just handed
My collection of scrolls to him.

Even in a wild magic area
He can beat my best
His mercenaries clear an area
And he just does the rest
He’s got crazy casting fingers
More opponents fall
That specialist Wizard
Sure throws a mean fireball!