Feedback on My Book....

[Zaukrie]

So, sure, at the encouragement of a few people, I'm re-writing a novel I drafted when I got laid off. There is a chapter on my site. Actually, there is a possible intro also....

Anyway, if anyone would read it and offer your thoughts, that would be appreciated. I have three more to preview, in the next few days most likely.

UnNamed Chapter One - Mike's Thoughts

This is the first chapter of a novel I am re-writing. I originally wrote this when I got laid off, some 2.5 years ago. The UnNamed, Chapter 1.

mikesixel.com

thanks in advance.
Really, I can take it.....

 

[GreyLord]

I'm not big at critique and it's not something I usually do. Overall, it's nice and has a nice intro to the story. The introduction of some characters seem rather sudden and out of place. The introduction of Enjam was good and seemed natural.

Then we suddenly have other characters pop up, such as Savin. You mention the name previously, but it's jarring how they just appear and really, we don't know anything about this individual.

Another minor item...you mention nedults...that could be a misspelling in paragraph 17 at the beginning. Not sure if it was supposed to be a term I am unfamiliar with or was supposed to be adults. This is the sentence...

Brulle waited for the two nedults to move away, then knelt over the dirt covered child

 

[Zaukrie]

I'm not big at critique and it's not something I usually do. Overall, it's nice and has a nice intro to the story. The introduction of some characters seem rather sudden and out of place. The introduction of Enjam was good and seemed natural.

Then we suddenly have other characters pop up, such as Savin. You mention the name previously, but it's jarring how they just appear and really, we don't know anything about this individual.

Another minor item...you mention nedults...that could be a misspelling in paragraph 17 at the beginning. Not sure if it was supposed to be a term I am unfamiliar with or was supposed to be adults. This is the sentence...

thanks! I have considered calling "near adults" nedults, but I thought I got rid of them all because it is confusing. Missed that one.

 

[Zaukrie]

this is cool, kudos for the efforts and publication!

Serious necromancy! thanks....but no publication yet.

 

[Janx]

Keep working on it.